WE HAVE WHAT YOU MIGHT CALL AN IMPASSE

Or not, it depends if you like on how pedantic you are about English. I’m not I grew up with three different languages there was your proper English as taught by some wanna be writer and then your cockney which used to be the east end of London at the poor end but has now been promoted to the rest of the south east where it meets a multitude of different languages all of them English and all of them developing their own version of Cockney and all of them immediately recognisable and understood by all the other versions of cockney.

The third, pronounced turd, version I grew up with is Irish, but since I’m off all things Irish, really I wonder how my family missed the contagion I think it can only be because they got the fuck out as soon as they legally could, I like to think I stick pretty much to cockney.

So that’s clear is it? Good.

Its not a problem the English language goes anywhere and everywhere and has absolutely no problem whatever. My problem today is different as different as half a leg of lamb is from the cretinous sheep it came off. I forgot it was leg but it is I checked and it says so on the wrapping which is now in the bin. If the pervert, nosy neighbour from hell is so minded he can lift the lid and have a look I’m sure he does that when he’s not lopping off rose buds from the bush: he likes the scent…

You will be interested to know that a half a leg of lamb contains two bones. In a civilised world it would contain three but who ever said Ireland was civilised without cackling and winking. I have three dogs, three bones would have been useful. Ollie couldn’t eat a bone but he could glower and growl at anyone approaching his prize including me. My poor Ollie is aging his eyesight is not what it was nor are his ears and as for his teeth? I’m sure he gave them a decent burial.

Getting to the point I bought half a leg of lamb and put it in the freezer for whenever I could be bothered. Yesterday I bothered I took it out of the freezer, defrosted and cooked it. Hmm, that’s when I discovered both my cats are very fond of lamb.

Not lamb in a tin you understand neither of them are keen on lamb in a tin which is probably why I didn’t give them a thought when I bought the half leg of lamb. I wish I had I wish I had bought a whole leg of lamb. I’m getting old, I have enough problems trying to escape from this hell without having to stop and worry about cats and lamb and dogs and lamb.

Well of course I baked potatoes and assorted other vegetables and I ate them, well I ate half the other half I have put to one side so I can fry up a good old fashioned and as far as I know still English Bubble. I don’t eat much meat be it lamb or any other beast there’s never enough for me.

I’m down to the last fraction of lamb and none of the cats and dogs are talking to each other. Jezzie is in one half of the garden guarding her bone, baby and professional thief Maggie is lurking in the other half of the garden with one eye on her bone and the other on anything anyone else has that might be edible, and my darling Ollie is parked by the oven in case something exciting happens. Both cats have given up threatening death and disaster to all thieves and are sleeping their lamb off on my chair.

Me? I’m looking at houses and getting depressed. Again…

Its Baffling

So it is. How can anyone accuse or suspect me of being greedy? Its been going on for years and all I asked for was a name and an apology. It didn't happen, what did keep happening was growing horror that there were more involved and then people I had never met appeared apparently interested in me and my home.

You can imagine what that did and then I discovered that some of the abusers live on my very road. Yeah. It maybe that the reason they are so dismissive is they have no idea of what such an invasion does to the victim. One thing it does is confirm that my address has been shared and because of that and more than one home invasion it means safety and security are gone.

And some call me greedy. Why? Because I offer a settlement an amount that individually is less, much less, than any one of them would spend on a car or a good sofa. Its possible they don't believe the assaults but they looked at illegal photographs and probably videos and didn't think they were a major assault and invasion of privacy?

No, it doesn't work they've made my house impossible to live in and they've made no effort to offer compensation unless I add the Christmas 'offering' which was nothing more than another sick joke adding insult to injury.

I'm supposed to give up to, 'go away', as someone who it is alleged is one of them famously said, and he is right there is no going away there is only redress. Wherever I move I take the wounds with me .

People who play psychological games should know there can be no recovery unless there is also justice which oddly enough is what some of the abusers are themselves campaigning for, no, not for me of course, for people who they consider are acceptably badly wounded and on this subject I agree with my abusers the victims they support are undoubtedly owed justice and recompense.

The worrying thing is that with the kind of support they've attracted justice maybe the very thing that's denied them as I reach for justice for myself.

Drifting and Thinking

Odd day should have done more I've got to start packing things up decide what to take and what might as well be left. I won't need much not at first from what I'm being told I might not need much at all! In any event I don't want to do a full move twice in what may well be as many months.

Strange day rain, worry, more rain more worry.  I know there are some vulnerable people involved, part of me wants to kind of sieve them out and then I remind myself all bullies are weak and vulnerable that's why they're bullies and those vulnerable people loved what they were doing for as long as they thought they would never be caught.

Didn't seem to occur to them that capture was not up to them or me and now its too late I can't sieve the vulnerable out if I do that it would be unfair to the others, it would also be dangerous for me they have stolen so much of my life that if I don't stop all of them one of them will use the pictures and other information, is probably already dreaming about how s/he could get away with it and there could well be more than one.

One of them said they were shocked to find I want redress as if such a thing had put a dent in my halo! There never was a halo not on any of us but there was crime and increasingly serious crime at that. The moment they appeared at my house was the moment I knew I had to stop them. It made me ill and like every victim it made me want justice.

I'm looking forward to moving this place is bad for me and the more I look the more connections to Ireland I find and that means staying is out of the question.

Memory Lane?

Imagine someone going to the Royal Opera House not to admire the theatre or the wonderful performances but to look for a sign of someone who once worked there. As if expecting her ghost to haunt the Grand Tier.

How absurd and how much worse if the person they were searching for hadn’t been there for about fifteen years and is still very much alive
.
The house had changed been completely modernised most if not all of the old staff gone and a great deal of the old character gone with them.

Imagine someone telling you they’d been to the Opera House as though expecting a response of what, chagrin, jealousy?

She loved her years at the Opera House. Her friends, the atmosphere, Covent Garden and Soho within easy walking distance, but she loved going home too…

For what its worth it looked very much like this when I worked there I understand its changed quite a bit.

Picture Source:   https://www.flickr.com/photos/charmainezoe/5737235369/

Shaking

Inside
No sign
Outside

Frightened?
No
Hurt?
Maybe

Sick
Physically
Sick

Shaking
Inside
Sick
Outside

Hatred?
No
Home
No

Lost?
In space
Too late

Labour

Lost the General Election. It was actually much worse than the usual two horse race the defeat was humiliating. In many of the seats they held their vote was way down on expectations and their closest rival was not Conservative or Liberal Democrat oh no the closest rival in many constituencies was the hated, sneered at United Kingdom Independence party or as its most often referred to: UKIP.

There is a lesson to be learned but so far all three previously big parties are willfully refusing to even acknowledge it and that is very familiar indeed.

Labour more than the other parties need to learn a very important lesson: it wasn’t the left or the right that lost them the election it was a joint effort by left and right because there is one vitally important matter they totally agree upon: both sides sneer and insult the working class. The very sight of a white van and/or an English flag is enough to send a Labour MP into paroxysms of mocking laughter. I don’t know why anyone who believes the working class are nothing more than racist, layabout chavs would bother to join the Labour Party but its been happening for so long now that almost all its members are either left wing students who refuse to grow up or closet Tories on the make.

Here are some hard facts Labour need to absorb before any future election:

Three hundred thousand immigrants arrived last year and that’s only the legal people we know about, there will have been thousands more illegal immigrants arriving and disappearing into the black economy and then you guessed it competing with the existing community for jobs. Some say most legal immigrants are skilled and all are necessary the people who say that are wrong and they know it. Most damning because it is denied and ignored by politicians is that most immigrants don’t go to live in Kensington and Chelsea nor do they go to the nice leafy garden suburbs and they don’t fill the vacancies allegedly crying out for highly skilled people. The vast majority of immigrants go to working class areas and compete with the original population for working class jobs and working class housing. This has consequences housing becomes an even more serious problem than it has always been and competition for jobs means wages are lowered.

There are more little differences so easily dismissed by the politerati: communities change sometimes almost overnight and healthcare and education virtually disappears behind long and growing queues, enlarged classes and poor teachers.

If anyone has the temerity to complain they are told they’re racist bigots. And then, we’re far from finished, there are the rents already high of housing in the private sector, which is basically all that remains. The rents increase, and here is another: benefits are slashed and a bedroom tax is introduced and anyone who objects is called a racist, bigoted benefits cheating chav.

There’s no upside to it for years the working class have been dismissed and sneered at in precisely this way because Labour luvvies thought the working class had no where else to go and so would continue to vote Labour no matter what. Maybe but now its looking as though they’ve had enough and have found somewhere new to go: UKIP.

Its not an insoluble problem. Labour should be first but all parties including the almost extinct Liberal Democrats need to face the facts and deal with them. Three hundred thousand people and that’s a minimum number is the size of a city and that is what needs to be built to accommodate them and the growing population. Its not impossible Harlow and Milton Keynes are new towns and there are others.

We need new hospitals, housing, GPs and schools, we need a housing and welfare system that is appropriate to the need, and, as unpleasant as some people think it is we also need an embargo on immigration until the mess is sorted out. The Green Belt needs to be protected since destroying that will upset all of the people. Many of the new amenities and some housing can and should be built on existing brown field sites. It will mean more jobs in many areas and more facilities wherever its done. It will calm the anger felt by so many people and allow all people including new immigrants to assimilate with a degree of comfort and acceptance.

Middle class college kids who refuse to grow up in or even acknowledge the real world and get rich quick spivs are the reason Labour is in the most serious trouble in its history.

Not Happy

The UK had its general election on Thursday this is not news its tradition the UK always has its general elections on a Thursday once there was probably a reason now its tradition and might as well be cast in stone which funnily enough brings me to Ed Miliband and his manifesto stone. By itself it wasn’t a bad idea there should be somewhere government promises are placed to be fully visible to all of us throughout their term of office.

It didn’t work. I don’t know if people have lost interest in politicians promises or if it no longer matters and they decide for themselves who they think is the least worst option but if that’s so wtf did they vote Conservative and in enough numbers to increase their previous almost majority?

The result of yesterdays self inflicted UK disaster is five more years of Tory govt. It will be severe benefit cuts, no decent house building and foodbanks becoming a regular visit instead of an emergency stop. Its not impossible to over turn the worst of the Tory excesses but to stand a chance Labour will have to grovel to the SNP who will be trying to screw as much out of the Conservative government as humanly possible. I don’t dislike the SNP I actually like Alex Salmond but they are racist to their teeth and always trying to get more out of the English. Its worth noting that some people are said to have voted Confuckingservative in order to weaken the SNP grip on Westminster.

I’m so disgusted words don’t fail me they’re tripping off the end of my fingers in their haste to express my mood which for the record is not good.

Looking for the silver lining Sinn Feins Michelle Gildernew lost, now I’m not entirely against her she always seems the only almost human member of that racist sectarian gang, but lose she did and she was replaced by whatsisface the leader of the UUP whose name will I’m sure return to the tip of my fingers as soon as I press publish.

UKIP are in a kind of limbo, they got about three million votes and one seat, they actually lost a seat! How can a party get so many votes and lose anything? The SNP got about half that number of votes and got fifty six MPs so you can see right there why a lot of English people would rather vote Conservative than risk having SNP do a deal with Labour.

Its not a question of poor Labour or poor Ed. Ed stabbed his brother in the back to win the leadership of the Labour party and the big spending once important unions backed him. Labour has changed from the days of working class heroes, what we have now is a political party that covers up for its own child abusing MPs, Pakistani and Bangladeshi immigrants who also just happen to be child abusing perverts, and Labour has members who attend even help organise meetings where women and men are segregated. Labour founders would be spinning in their graves. Labour deserved to lose. I’m just sorry the alternative was a Tory government and I am very sorry about that its going to hurt me when I get home.

Not Happy At All.

Jezzie

Jezziebelle

Is my rock. She is strong, calm and very bright. She’s the one who guards me and this house, she’s the one I can send into the darkness to find Ollie and she always brings him home.

Jezzie is sick. I don’t know what it is, I’m trying to convince myself that its nothing more than constipation but I’m not sure. I’m worried. She has the rest of the night and then I will have to think seriously about taking her to the vet.

The good news is she ate a little tonight. The bad news is it was nothing like enough and she wouldn’t touch her breakfast.

My beautiful girl feels the cold so I’ve wrapped her up nice and warm as I sit and watch and hope that I’m over reacting.

Be Well soon my sweet, brave Irish baby.

Equality Labour Style

The picture shown above was taken at a campaign speech event attended by the Labour party. I don’t know who organised the event it doesn’t matter what matters is two or more Labour candidates were in the audience and/or giving speeches.

To a segregated audience. Right.

What gender segregation means is every wife, sister and daughter was separated from every husband, father and brother when did they separate? It doesn’t make sense for all of them to have traveled separately so presumably most of them went in family groups and only separated when they got through the hallowed doors. Men traveling alone were probably fine they just strolled in but what about women were they allowed to travel alone risking jostling shoulders or perhaps brushing against a male in some more personal area of the body, you know on the way through all the non segregated traffic and public? How would a lone woman dare?!

Are voting stations to be segregated? if not will some women dare to enter one alone or is it more likely that the all powerful male will take her there, lead her to the booth and tell her who to vote for, that’s if he hasn’t already taken care of the problem by opting for a postal vote for himself and his family after all why not make sure the right cross goes on the right name and who is to know if its his cross or hers?

And Labour the party formed to bring equality to the disadvantaged agreed to speak at the venue.

What needs to happen is Labour should apologise for their gross error of judgement and they and every other political party should make clear that they will not attend future segregated venues and every political party needs to make clear that segregation and block voting will be stopped.

Vision

Our eyes Show us the way
But not the truth

Our eyes Lead us into temptation
And out again

Our eyes are windows to our soul
our deepest thoughts
Shimmer in our eyes

May the gods protect our eyes
And help us see and be seen
In the light

I made a video!

A tiny one less than five minutes.  I wanted to show my new wig which is about the cheapest wig you can buy on Ebay but which looks fine to me.

What I didn't want to do was get all done up like a dogs dinner in some sort of effort to make me look what I'm not. I'm no expert not at making videos this is the first I've published and not at wearing a wig this is the first I've worn.

I'm an amateur and I wanted it to show so I plonked the wig on my head and rabbited on about it and the new corset I've bought also a first and also from Ebay.

I was very relaxed and amused with myself and I wanted that to show too, so often I'm stressing and upset to me it sometimes seems that anguish is my whole life and interest and I think maybe it looks like that from outside but all doom and gloom is not who I am.

Mostly I love to laugh and this seemed a great opportunity to show who I am and that I'm not afraid and certainly not ashamed of my age or what I look like. The video is a bit of fun and at the same time its a bit of reality there's no makeup, no posing, no script or plan. Its just me and the wig.

I may make more videos if I do I must try to find a way to fit the corset into one without actually wearing it. I'm not trying to shock anyone either!

I'm not sure what I want anyone who watches it to feel about it, mostly I think I'd like them to know its genuine, not plastic or sophisticated just an amateur home video because that's who I am

I always forget something and this is something I was going to start with but it seemed too whiny, trivial and one of those 'not my fault' jobs. This is all my fault!

Truth is I didn't want to publish on You Tube no reason other than the potential I didn't and don't want this to be seen as any kind of audition its not. So I got all set up clicked a few clicks and Facebook wouldn't take it! I tried what seemed like everything and it just wouldn't go. Being me of course all the fuss did was make me more determined so with Facebook being a pain I tried You Tube and it worked first time, and then would you believe it loaded from You Tube onto Facebook first go. Ah well it was meant to be 

I Love Ebay!

Its arrived! My brand new fresh from the sewing machine corset. Its black, its leather its got ribbons and I’m not convinced I can get into it. Its in two bits but the back is secured with ribbons that you tie or untie like a plait or shoe laces. I remember plaits and shoe laces and I have to say according to my memory they were nothing like this corset.

I’m inclined to like the manufacturer of the corset who I believe is somewhere in China even before I try it on and this most unusual decision is because a little item I didn’t expect arrived with the corset. In fact it took up my first ten minutes or so after unpacking. I couldn’t decide what it was or how it was meant to be used with the corset there were no hooks or pins to attach it. It was velvety and as I twiddled with the two thin strips of elastic it dawned on me that what I had in my hands was a g string and what had happened was that the elastic had got a bit mixed up. All I had to do was unravel it and there it was a thoroughly modern almost invisible g string.

Such fun! Not for years have I twiddled and twirled and laughed at the I suppose I have to call them memories, these things are so feminine they can’t help but take me back to the days when I was too. I must say the g string is very unlikely to ever be worn I’m not sure it would stay up but it is a whole new way to look at what is basically a triangle and we’re never too old to learn,.

The corset is a different matter I think getting it on properly may take longer, require more skill and from the point of view of lower back pain be a complete waste of time but I’m going to enjoy the sheer femininity of it and then tuck it away in a drawer. Do you know femininity is an easy word to spell but a hard one to type I keep tripping over the ‘i’s,

I would never have gone to the shops to buy a corset but this came to me! and I’m going to love wondering if I can get it on if I really put my mind to it and perhaps lean against something solid.

And no deeply flawed and perverted readers I do not need assistance. Not I’m positive that anyone of ye would volunteer, thank gods.

We

Done good! Well two of us did. Jezzie it seems has decided she’s not keen on life outside her garden. She graciously allowed herself to be dragged down the road but her attitude was not good and her indifference to the exciting smells of the countryside is better imagined than endured. Tough girl, big bark Maggie definitely thinks that home is the better part of valour. She created a hell of a fuss by dancing circles around me and refusing to move on, which leaves me and Ollie.

Eeh, my handsome old boy was up for a run but I had to be careful. He won’t let me cut his hair which means he gets hot and he’s a wee bit overweight which means he needs to take it easy or it means I think he needs to take it easy. My Ollie is thirteen years old which is not bad for an American Cocker Spaniel and so I thought it would do him good to take a stroll.

Ollie loved it! He strutted his stuff all down the road leaving watery messages every few yards. It was almost embarrassing

The sudden interest in exercise is entirely due to yesterdays horrible walk, as aches subsided and I relaxed I decided I need to walk, regardless of the neighbour from hell and his spawn I have to get some exercise and so that was what the walk today was about. I don’t think it did much good both hip joints are aching now and my feet are reminding me that yesterday is not that long ago.

Still it was a lovely day for a stroll and yes I did see the pervert neighbour and the creature he married. He seems to think I will talk to him or rage at him, and he’s not wrong I very well might but I do have to be choosy. I won’t put an old dog who is going deaf and blind at risk for any satisfaction I might get from telling someone what I think of them besides its not like the oul perv doesn’t know…

The other thing I want to mention is the difference aging makes to slim and fuller figured people I mean this as a general observation. I’ve noticed that as we age the various changes include scrawny. If people remain slim they tend to look scrawny with unusual bits like arms sagging, whoever thought arms could sag but they do and what’s worse is it shows quite a lot.

To my immense satisfaction and no little relief whatever else I do I don’t sag. I protrude much more than I like or than I ever used to but the protrusion doesn’t sag, on the whole I think that’s a good thing but I also think it depends which bit is protruding. I don’t want my bum round my knees but I don’t want anyone resting their shopping on it either.

Oh the joys, reflections and decisions of age on a sunny Saturday it reminds me of a property I saw in town yesterday its semi detached and I admit I did kinda like it.

Did I mention Trixie? She is the reason I curtailed Jezzies walk Trixie was well up for an afternoon stroll but cats are not welcome on the road and she can’t be expected to have proper or any road sense and drivers don’t like to see a cat walking casually along the middle of the road. Its not the first time she’s done this blessed cat I didn’t realise she was outside next time I take the dogs for a walk I will make sure she is locked in!

My Feet!

Are killing me, that’s it. My feet would be my entire world of pain were it not for the mitigating circumstances of my aching back and wonky hips. Standing upright is a problem, bending is something other people do.

Phew! I had to go to town. I put if off for most of the week but sometimes need really does must and so it was today. It has been a very pleasant day and I was dressed appropriately and the bloody shoes are flip flops. I live in fucking flip flops so what went wrong today I haven’t a clue.

I’m not happy, the walk into town was not exactly arduous but it felt long and dreary even sunshine made no difference to the general look and feel of drear. Anyway because I had as usual left it late I had to go to the bank first it was half past three I was still in the queue at four o’clock. This is because there is only one cash service counter in the bank. Yes its disgraceful piss poor service but the big mouthed big headed Irish people go all meek and subservient whenever anything remotely resembling authority turns up.

Anyway what the walk and the queue meant is that my back was giving me hell and my right hip decided to join the fray. I’m crippled I tell ye!

I walked home the feet began to really nag at me to stop but it was a nice day, I’ve worn the shoes half a dozen times and there’s no excuse for getting a cab if the walk is fine. It wasn’t fine.

I’m not in a good mood chances are those bits of me that are not aching now will be by tomorrow.

Oh and if anyone is stupid enough to think the Irish health service is anything as good as the British they should move over and find out. Its the reason people anywhere near the border claim a British address. Cretin…

Genuine Irish Bog

Yep its Irish bog

Looks like that’s it we had a week and a half maybe two whole weeks of decent weather and now its gone. Spring and summer arrived and left this Gods forsaken hole together. The good news is most of those nasty midge type flies that seem to hover around puddles and bogs in good weather left with them. The not so good news is this is Ireland there are millions of em you can’t walk past a tree without getting dive bombed so don’t celebrate they will be back they’re never far away.

Summer could reappear there are sometimes a few brilliant days in September and even October has been known to shed a little light and heat but I look at like this the really bad news is it will still be mosquito infested bog.

Truth & Time

Earth Goddess

Is Truth a goddess? Is Time? Are they one and the same? Sure it is that one will bring forth the other so perhaps there is a Truth waiting, biding her Time…

If I had to say for or against I would say instinct always comes first but we don’t listen or see it and on the rare occasions when we do we actively dismiss it as impossible and yet again Truth has to wait for Time to show the way.

There are differences between the Goddess Truth and the Goddess Time. Truth is solid, intractable can’t change, won’t be dismissed, but she is reflective appearing to shed her light in different ways. She is always Truth and can’t be brushed aside or hidden for long.

Time appears to be changeable tearing along at great speed and slowing almost to a stop while we her servants stand, stare and eventually impatient stamp our feet and grind our teeth. Time pays no heed she is Time and she will make the Truth clear for all to see in her own good Time.

I think its been apparent for some Time that change is coming its in a breathless tearing rush because its fed up of knocking politely on the door of imagination for years and has decided to barge in, sit down, get its breath back and when its good and ready help you pack.

Some weeks ago I watched a video, well ok I’ve watched several videos about living off grid. Twenty years ago I’d have done it but family commitments got in the way, five years ago age clamoring to take over I’d have paid someone to build my house. Now due to corrupt unscrupulous people and the limitations of my own age I need my house to be ready to live in and that is considerable change.

Sometimes you want to grab something by the scruff of the neck and teach it a lesson or three and sometimes that’s exactly what happens.

Where there is a Goddess there is also a God

PIRA

And there it is a gang inter related and incestuous are said by some to have actually believed they could win what they called a war against a country of at that time about sixty million people.

Yep and provided they kept their reading material strictly and only to Mills & Boon they could have carried on believing that until the bigger, stronger, better armed, more populous and obviously more intelligent country became impatient which is what probably happened.

In the boring gaps between indiscriminate bombing and maiming the gang were not idle, children were abused, rapists given safe passage to new areas and new victims and three thousand people were killed.

The Nobel Prize is not what it was but once it meant something.

Didja Miss Me?

Didja think I'd forgotten ye my first and favourite blog and maybe one day my only blog, or not. I like to write and can be quite prolific who knows where I will spread my custom over all the future gauzy years. I really don't know nor do I have any idea, well maybe some inclination lurks ready to load the quill with the devastating weapons of verbal war but if that is so its not for today and not for this blog.

Today I want to talk of other things and people specifically I want to talk of how I write and not compare it exactly, I'm very well and painfully aware of all the things my writing lacks I've been told so so often its a virtual tattoo across my forehead. No, today is more a general overview not of me I leave that to others who no doubt consider they've been well and truly lumbered with the chore...

Its the deliberate use of unusual or, what shall I call them? Old fashioned words. Its almost a form of boasting so eager is the author, and yes I think I must call them authors they would be so disappointed if I didn't, to prove a kind of intellectual superiority. Its hideous, its so misplaced it changes the tone interrupts the story and surely loses the interest of all but the most determined reader, 

As awful as it sounds it reminds me of Barbara Cartland, my goodness she had the words at her fingertips and she used them all! I read one book or almost one book well I got through a couple of chapters what do you expect?! She was a famous author and had the brass neck that rightfully belonged to all three monkeys. She was the most appalling writer of undiluted and very successful romantic drivel. Very successful, and not an ounce of rhythm wretched woman must have been tone deaf but she did have an audience and so maybe in spite of  my vehemence I could be wrong, but its what I think. So here it is...

I believe very few readers are interested in the authenticity or creative authority of a writer we and yes I am one! kind of expect that to be present in any book we pick up. What we are interested in is talent in what, in spite of all the bollocks I get thrown at me and there's a lot, I persist in calling the rhythm of the words 

You don't use a long antiquated word to prove you not only know it you know how to use it. You don't use such words to impress a reader we're really not that important, when you write you forget all else and go where the ebb and flow takes you and whilst you must be concerned about plagiarism you must not be concerned feel inhibited or unable to use any tool and that most especially includes all cliches, metaphor and wise old sayings they are yours and mine for the use of to deny them their place denies us the reader their insight and their humour.

Do you ever wonder as I have of late about the appalling lack of visitors there must be if my presence is even noticed let alone felt.  Its strange being a ghostly apparition on the world wide web. I must change that...

Its Easter

I woulda been bright eyed and bushy tailed but I yawned instead

And I forgot, no I didn’t really forget I seem to have lost a day I thought it was Thursday anyway its OK I’m making up for it by not being able to forget about it now.

The good news is it means I didn’t get any extra chocolate the bad news is it means I didn’t get any extra chocolate I will have to order some or something.

In an effort to help Jezzie come off her addiction to eclairs I bought some of those doggy treat thingies, needn’t have bothered she doesn’t like them. Its funny watching the baby she knows something’s on offer but before she accepts she sniffs Jezzies mouth to make sure she gets the right treat if it doesn’t smell the same she won’t take it instead she drives me nuts until she gets the same as Jezzie. Half starved dogs indeed!

I had a quick look at the bird food containers and I think they’re good for today I don’t wanta go out there and get ankle deep in mud so they better be good for today.

I’m debating all the things I could say about the blog posts I’ve read but I don’t think I’ll bother they were that bad.

Some sortofa nuclear deal has been agreed between the USA and Iran. Israel is said to be upset. Thing is I’m not sure I believe any of it, I’ve a feeling Israel is in full agreement with the US and is playing to its own gallery. North Korea and Pakistan have nuclear weapons so does India its no longer possible to keep nuclear weapons exclusively for ‘trusted’ nations and I think everyone knows that or should.

I hope everyone, well everyone I like, has a good Easter the rest of ye can fuck off and pay your debts

The Finch

Is a greedy bird. Robins have the reputation of quarrelsome greedy fellows but if anyone were to ask me I would say the Finch is his master.

Robin is a fly by night, oh, he's bold but he doesn't do full on attack and grab. Your Robin perambulates around the object of his attention and only when he is happy all is safe does he dart in, grab and run.

The Blackbird bless him hardly seems to know the food is above him he stays on the ground where to be fair there are often the shavings other birds drop and where I sometimes throw bread or nuts. Blackbird gets a share but he doesn't pursue it it comes to him on the muddy, soggy ground.

So far this year the Magpies appear to be losing their battle with the Crows. I've seen one or two Magpies but nothing like previous years when they took on all comers and won.

The Crows are in the ascendancy and you know there is no such thing as a black crow they are varying shades of grey. No not fifty all though your male Crow has been known to gang rape females.

Unpleasant birds in that regard and like the Magpie when they fly in they swoop on the largest plunder get it all in one beak and swoop off again. Its quite extraordinary how much one Crow or Magpie can get in his beak.  Greedy, shameless almost birds of prey.

No, no regardless! Its the Finch that has it, all day long he seems to bite at the suet balls, nuts and seed that's carefully and promptly supplied. He doesn't appear to have a favourite food he devours it all ignoring all but cats

What We Have Here

Is a situation. Herself ruled for twenty years during which time there were no arguments, no territorial disputes no, she should pardon the expression, cat fights, it was all hers and everyone knew it. Oh she rather ungraciously allowed others to occupy her space on a kind of behave or you’re out basis but it was always clearly her space. All of it. For twenty years.

Its taken three months I don’t know maybe her scent is fading or the memory of cats and small dogs is not as strong as, for eg. my own, but whatever it is there is no denying that recently things have been changing. For twenty years I have not had to worry or even think in terms of demarcation or territory it all belonged to a beautiful, casual tuxedo queen. I wish I had a video of the times she stood on the roof and told me off for being home late.

Nope, there’s no video of Herself in charge its all gone what we have now are my memories and what to all intents and purposes appears to be a power struggle. Not a total five in the ring war you understand, Ollie and Jezzie are not too fussed they know their place and as far as they are concerned everyone else is last. This maybe a gift to them from Herself its so totally Her.

The real problem is Trixie she is big, beautiful, confident and a right pain in the arse, currently she is challenging all comers, Pippa is getting her share but she’s hanging tough and being more feral than the regal one she usually holds her own quite well.

Which leaves the tiny and irrepressible Maggie May, or as it happens and as far as Trixie is concerned it does, Maggie May Not. Trixie lurks in wait. She chases the little one up and down the hall. Its a good thing Maggie is fast because when she gets caught claws are involved.

My poor Maggie cries! Of course I run to the rescue. The regal one pays absolutely no heed to threats or even to thrown stuff. She runs and lurks and reappears and the whole process starts again. I don’t know why I didn’t see it earlier. I believe I have mentioned an increase in yelps but I didn’t see it as a territorial dispute and I’m afraid that’s exactly what it is. Maggie is going to have to give in no cat ever would.

And I am going to have to face the fact that time moves on Herself is gone and her successor is getting impatient.

Jeremy Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson

Has gorn. The BBC sacked him after he was involved in what everyone describes as a fracas with young (ish) producer Oisin Tymon below.

OK he did it. Guilty as charged, after what is said to have been a lengthy tirade Clarkson smacked Tymon. Tymon didn't feel he could say “fuck off” and walk away before he got hit? Clarkson succumbed to his very unattractive downright primitive side and of course to the alcohol he had spent the evening consuming and smacked Tymon in the mouth. Oh dear. How sad. Give me a fucking break. If a thirty something healthy male can’t at least run away from a fight with a fifty something drunk male you have to ask yourself what is the problem?

The two men were not in an office where such an occurrence would mean instant and well deserved dismissal, they were on location where drink was drunk in large amounts by Clarkson and where the same rules can’t realistically be said to apply.

I think Jeremy Clarkson is a loyal, discreet friend, he has charm but he has given every indication of being a thug and a bully and like all bullies when he caught scent of someone he could make his victim he proceeded to make the poor devils life very difficult. I wonder if its the first time Clarkson has taken his drink and his frustrations out on Tymon verbally? Somehow I doubt it. To make it worse Clarkson has been playing to the gallery turning up at Tymons home to apologise? me arse!

I pay no attention to Clarkson calling Tymon an Irish cunt he was drunk and compared to what some Irish call the English its a term of endearment and at least it wasn’t wrapped in semtex.

I wouldn't have sacked Clarkson I’d have noticed that however great a philanderer he maybe and I really don’t know or care, his marriage of twenty years is over and I’d have given some attention and leeway to possible mitigating circumstances. I’d also have issued a very legal and final warning and insisted he go to rehab and counselling.

Top Gear is apparently very popular I don’t know I’ve never watched an episode all the way through. It may be that its best days are over.

Clarkson is clever, intelligent, a talented writer, a popular celebrity and a very rich man. Its likely he has already made plans for the future. Hmm. He did report the fracas himself…..

Oisin Tymon is a lowly producer and not the main one on Top Gear or he wouldn't have been running around trying to sort out a hot meal for anyone. His job is safe at least for the time being it is but it maybe that Top Gear days are numbered I suspect its about to get strong competition.

A sad, bitter little episode, some people may have laughed but I see nothing to laugh at in a man getting sacked even if he is a bully or to his victims abuse of the National Health Service.

He's an Expert in his Field

So its too fucking bad that he's made himself almost unemployable. He's in a classroom where I strongly suspect he wastes his skill, his talent and his education by instructing the students, gods forbid they should still be children, that he is not he, he is a can't decide today ask me again tomorrow and don't be surprised if I change again the day after that.

Its all very implausible its all a pile of steaming excrement.

People who are experts in their field but still cant hang on to a job need to look at their own character, stop lying, stop playing the meta gender victim, stop internalizing and personalising every little thing and get the fuck on with living and working in the real world. 

Make a point of getting along with everyone especially the boss at least until you get job security and then maybe if you absolutely insist you can release a couple of your less strident demons.

Fuckit what is it in you that drives you to alienate people and enjoy doing it. Are you so inadequate you can't be in polite company without dribbling all down every social nicety? Not everyone shares your faith, your opinion or your whatever gender you think you are today, most people, this particularly includes principals other teachers and above all parents, you've already shown your contempt for some of them haven't you, don't share your elastic, reversible and interchangeable views on gender or sexuality. 

Do try to remember that when Johnny goes home and tells Mom and Dad that he can be Johanna tomorrow Mom and Dad are likely to look for the cause and when they find you complain to anyone who will listen.

What you're really always saying is sometimes you're on top and sometimes you're not and then again sometimes you do both. So can and have we all, mate, and most of us simply thought it was a natural expression of our mood on the day not an entire change of gender. 

It maybe because of whatever illness or condition you have but its destroying your life and that's the life you're supposed to be living. You have a nasty, spiteful streak in you and you allow it to surface far too often for your own good. You're your own biggest victim.  

You may be that rare bird a psychopath who can't hide his psychopathy: force yourself

Should Be

Little one in the garden twiddling with this trimming that pottering about enjoying what is a really lovely slightly misty spring day. Maggie May is exercising her tonsils and driving me nuts. I should be out in the garden its big enough to need daily attention.

I’m not going out there for more than a minute at a time.  I’ve been out there a couple of times, refilled the bird feeders, pulled a few dead twigs up, but I can’t stay out there.  I won’t its not getting better between anonymous lies, insults, sick games and false promises its getting worse.

I want the people who caused such spiteful, vindictive havoc in my life to pay and one way or another even if it means exposing myself to further if brief ridicule they are going to pay. Its the only thing that keeps me going that and knowing my family have decided on a deadline, means nothing? Only that its no longer entirely up to me.

From Elsewhere - Pederasty

About pederasty and those who however discreetly advocate for its acceptance.

Pederasty of the ancients had nothing to do with willing youth and everything to do with no damn choice.

The reality of a pederast and boy relationship is the pederast loses interest in the boy as he matures by the time the boy is eighteen or twenty at most a pederast has lost all interest and if he hasn’t already done so he will look for a new plaything.

Boys or girls experimenting is understandable and natural an adult grooming, because that is what it is, either boys, girls or both is not. Its contemptible showing no interest whatever in the boy or girls welfare and their future.

A Fishing Trip

Exactly what I have always been afraid of. Neither of us prepared to give an inch. Its been the same for five or six years everything I've found has been the result of their mistakes and of course when you're speaking to someone with at least some legal experience it gets worse not better. It was crushingly predicable and predicted.

I'm so stressed! I gave into curiosity and hope against experience and now I'm upset not just because the possibility of could be hopeful is dashed but because of the crashing, infuriating affirmation of suspicions realised.  I'm one person and I'm tired of the vindictive, sadistic games these creatures play.

It wasn't a disaster the telephone number was given - twice in separate publications over a number of days, but it was upsetting it was entrapment. I'm not prepared to talk to lawyers or their clerks armed with nothing more than whatever wits I have left after such prolonged and sustained attacks.

Spring Surprise

Everyday her daughter would stop simply it seemed to her to take a few seconds to touch a leaf, brush a petal into place and then she would run as if the seconds delay had made her late.

The mother smiled what else could she do? But every day as her child ran ahead the mother stooped and carefully took a long stem of a wilting flower and tucked it unseen into her pocket.

The winter was harsh that year, frozen ponds, frozen pipes for who could afford to keep a fire burning all the long night?

Gradually, almost unnoticeable the ponds broke free of the chains of ice, green shoots appeared at the edge of the path and the nights grew lighter, easier.

Everyday her daughter would stop and the mother would smile.

Today the daughter stopped at her very front gate and gazed as all along the path to home the crocus, tulips and daffodils pushed their way to the sun.

And the mother smiled what else could she do. This year she promised herself would be different mother and child would plant and place the bulbs and together they would watch them grow.

The End?

I don't know why I fall for it every time. Its not trust I stopped trusting any of them a long time ago. I think its because its what I would prefer its what I thought was the best way for everyone. A quiet, almost amicable parting but it won't be like that they won't let it end in such a peaceful way.

I hate the idea of fuss, that's got a lot to do with it and even though I know the timing could hardly be better I'm still reluctant or I was. Not so much now hardly at all I want to hear them say what they did and why. I want everyone to hear it.

Stupid? Maybe but its the ending they deserve and the one that in the long run will do me the most good. I'm almost beyond anger, soon now I will go out one day and not return here and then all they will be able to do is wait. I like the idea of that. I like the idea of someone explaining, you Eamonn? Why I was banned for commenting too often on a site when the same names appear hundreds of times and day after day on the very same site, and explaining my sudden re admittance will be interesting too.

It has never been one instance its always been accumulation.

The end? Not quite

Interesting

I have no clue. Is it a legal thing? Oh yes I think it is. Does it matter?  Yes it does and in more ways than one. Its possible there are hundreds of lawyers who write, doodle and hold politicians up to ridicule in hundreds of different ways, what possible objection could there be particularly when so many politicians are also lawyers.

Do they need to say the law is their business? No, no more than I need to say if I work or what I do. Is there a grey area? No, not at first sight but I think there could be and this is me being that rare bird: an honest one.

I'm sick of feeling sick I want this thing to end relatively amicably but end regardless. I worry about entrapment why do I need a telephone number when they've already got mine? Of course its probably me I know any call would be recorded and that's alright I would be doing the same but I'm not a lawyer and I've had enough traps.

I want it to be amicable so I can run to a new home in an old country and relax, grow old with my pets, get my hair cut and coloured white or platinum or silver, where I can decorate the house without the floor boards moving under me and where as hard as it is it is still possible to get builders and decorators who don't threaten to kill you.

I want to go home to peace and quiet. My family are saying put a deadline on it but come home and I will preferably peacefully but that's becoming irrelevant. 

Clarkson

He's still all over the news so once more with some compassion.

Jeremy Clarkson has a problem or several, I think that's been obvious for a while, I hope he's getting help. He's also a very rich man and from what I can tell a loyal and discreet friend.

Loyal because he has not given into the tendency to dump aging co stars. He has kept the same team on Top Gear almost since the beginning, no fluffy young wannabes take up residence on his show although many are eager to co star from time to time. He's discreet because you don't get the like of David Cameron rushing to call you a friend if you're not.

He may be, probably is a bit of a bastard but the producer he's alleged to have smacked owes his job to Clarkson not the other way round, more than that is hard to prove. The dispute between Clarkson and the assistant producer is a difficult thing to judge. A show on location is not an office, shop or a factory where strict rules apply and where at the end of shift everyone goes home leaving their colleagues behind.

The people on location live, eat, sleep and work together sometimes for weeks or months at a time. In this particular case it was probably no more than a few days but tensions could still arise and have nowhere to go.

None of us know what really happened what we do know is a young assistant may well find discretion is beyond price and perhaps its his own job he should be worrying about.

We all have bad times at work most of us get to go home at the end of every shift and recover Jeremy Clarkson couldn't do that and neither could his assistant producer.

Its all very well for us to cast blame and its true Jeremy Clarkson has some form he did try to hit Piers Morgan. As far as I'm concerned all that shows is he has the right attitude. If anyone deserved a smack its Piers I didn't know hacking was going on at the Daily Mirror and I definitely didn't know the pictures of British soldiers were fake Morgan

Sometimes

Asclepius

Words fly as hounds off a leash
Sometimes not

I wish you well

May your Gods defend you
And guide you
May they warm you
And calm you

May your full recovery
Come with the grace of the Gods
May they speed you
And cheer you

May the Gods know
Without your vision
They are as nothing
Dreams in a wilderness

Be happy
Be calm
Be. Well.
Blessed Be

This is my will…

An Indulgence

Sometimes it feels like a dream and you know it could be because its the devils own job to find pictures which is understandable. It was set back from the road and just beyond its own one car drive.

Its my last home I did and had so much work done there and today I got lucky and found some old pictures.

The first is my kitchen



When I bought the house it had three bedrooms and kitchen living room were combined I didn't like that so I sacrificed a bedroom and created this kitchen with my dream cooker.

The lounge



With the kitchen gone I could and did create a lounge in it you can see some of the furniture I still have although it looks a lot different now. Its suffered with me.

Dining Room



I wouldn't use my lounge as a dining room so I had an extension built and again you can see some of the furniture I still have although most has gone.

My bedroom



This has all gone except you guessed it for the cats and as you can see Herself has pride of place.

Ask me again what I think of this almighty mess, I can't believe it happened. Very female? Maybe but I designed it and I lived there and at heart I am very female.

Seriously?

No, not a bit. I simply don’t, can’t take that one seriously anymore. I don’t believe that he believes I think its why he drags a sack of charms everywhere and why he is so desperate not to leave any potential deity to rest in peace.

He is one of the most sexualised people I’ve ever heard of making it almost impossible to separate him from his perception of his sexuality. Something must have happened to shape his thinking not about gender variation or sexuality but his need to constantly project gender variation and sexuality onto everything. 

Looking at the young, maybe early teens him he’s average a bit underweight, like so many boys of that age he looks a bit wimpish but there is nothing that says he's different just that maybe he’s a little unhealthy, but look at him again this time in his twenties or early thirties and the picture is very different. He’s strong, well built and from looking at the pictures anyway: very healthy.

So what changed? My guess is he was quite an adventurous lad and that at a time when it may have been dangerous. In fact its still dangerous if you’re going to indulge be prepared and be fussy. Hmm. He has problems but Motor Neurone Disease isn't one of them or I don’t think it is. Telling the truth is a serious problem he has and perhaps it extends even to what he tells himself.

He is also a great band wagon jumper. Oh my goodness if any group of people appear to him to be treated less equally than another there he is with his placards and his indignation writ large, and that’s fine perhaps even admirable but it can be spread too far and too thin and that’s what he does. It becomes less than believable or respectful: give the beggar a quid or a house but don’t give him your condescension.

He has problems and they do concern me but he is such a liar its impossible to be sure what his problems are unless its to say his main problem is he lies. I wouldn't trust him an inch and I wouldn't recommend that anyone else do so either.