Would You Drink from the Fountain of Youth

If there were a real Fountain of Youth, would you drink the water?

Sure wouldn’t we all love a glass of whatever it is in the fountain of youth.

Or would we?

Its not the flight or the trek up the goat track to the top of the mountain in Tibet although getting me up anything higher than a curb would be interesting and probably involve heavy goods vehicles.

No, its not the trek and its not the thought of getting back down again I mean who knows if all our bits stay put if we fall down the goat track or off the edge One can’t be certain about these things, a limb might hang in lively and lonely limbo for centuries.

No its not the though of being minus a bit although I definitely wouldn’t want to lose a foot or a leg, fat lot of good living forever would be if you end up minus an arm, or worse paraplegic.

No, its not the thought of having to move every thirty or forty years, minimum, which one would have to do to make sure there are no jealous neighbours to take a few litres of the fountain of youth out of your neck or worse.

No, the reason I wouldn’t take a glass of the fountain of youth is family and friends there is no way I ever want to outlive all of my family, all of my friends. Its no good saying there would always be more there wouldn’t not of my generation, not with my memories.

Only think if you could continue to have children you would have to watch all of them die or do a runner when they reached thirty or so. If not they might find out or get suspicious Is there enough of the fountain of youth to go round? You know in perpetuity?

No, I’ve seen enough of the madness, meanness and duplicity of people if I can’t be with the people I know, love and trust I don’t want to be.

Source of Picture:  http://missoulian.com/news/state-and-regional/fwp-finds-fewer-mountain-goats-in-bitterroot-canyons/article_f6204775-4aad-5c50-bbbc-f97ad6a44c9a.html

Whilst searching for this picture I couldn’t help but notice the number of pictures there are of people with dead goats apparently a perfectly harmless goat is some sort of desirable hunting trophy, there are savages among us and they’re all on two feet.

Stressed

Not sure why, there's the usual suspects of course they're never far away but today I think its more than that.

There's the big electricity bill, my fault I knew it was estimated for months and I kept meaning to do something about it and then I kept forgetting: typical.

There's forgetting to pay the gardener that's in triple figures now but at least today I remembered to phone him that's something done right but its not enough.

There's the hedge which is in need of trimming but like everything else I keep putting it off not precisely forgetting more not bothering.

There's the windows which should have been painted by the piss poor pervert decorator before he buggered off I don't want to bother now I want to move.

There's missing the post man who had a delivery and left a note because I was out that's irritating me because I made myself late dithering about when I should have been getting ready.

There's the washing, I did some and left some I should have done all of it

Oh well none of its earth shattering most of its no more than the usual so why the stress?

I don't know maybe its guilty conscience or maybe  its just some days are like that.

Wishes

If dreams were wishes and wishes cream true

We all wish though some might call it pray. I wish for wishes three’s a minimum

First, for most would surely be good health, for everyone what good is it to be healthy if everyone you know and love is as old as you and sick?

Second, weel, in my case that would have to be a house in England in Essex near the sea. close enough to family to see them but not so close to get bored or argue.

Third, oh has to be happiness what good is everything else if we are unhappy?

Naturally there are more I could start picking at it a push here a prod there, when I was young my wishes might probably were different but not so much. One thing I’ve noticed is as I age I become more myself not less.

If is an obstacle
That stands in the way
If it wasn’t for If
I’d be rich today

My Mum used to say that Her wealth was in her family She was rich

Anathema to Me?

But you remembered a word
Why?
Didn’t expect it of me
Why not?
A world in a word
Why even bother?
Pain in a word
Why would you care?

Inspiration’s a funny old thing
Its not love
But it could be
Its not hate
But it could be
Its all of everything

Its inspiration
In a cloud
A rose
Poor spelling
Terrible grammar
Is fury

Stressed

I'm always stressed. It has to have been one of the main reasons I became ill, it was definitely the only reason I didn't go to the doctor and had to be rushed to hospital.

I long ago took measures to try to ensure my safety but it didn't stop the threats or give a real sense of security and that was before I knew how close the enemies were or they invaded my home.

I want to leave when I get away I will be able to relax and if I want to get a job I will get one. I can see no reason why both shouldn't be possible.

A debt must be paid nothing no other cause, mistake or illness will get in the way of that.

Good!

Some sign of improvement and good, potentially very good, news.  I'm certain its what many including me wish, hope and pray for, and who knows perhaps a reason for an easing of understandable stress.

I'm not entirely convinced I believe any of it, I know this adversary of old, but if any of it is true this mornings communications indicate a better if still conflicted frame of mind.

There has been some great upheaval but the heavy lifting is almost over now and perhaps is part of the reason for the more conciliatory rapprochement.

No we are not friends but I wish no one harm, may all those I know thrive in a loving, welcoming environment.

As Expected

Of course I knew it would be misunderstood probably deliberately.

I’m not friends with any of the people who abused me for so long, who committed crimes for laughs, its an indication of their density that they should think so.

Someone went too far and I said so and because I am permanently angry with the transgressor I said so forcefully and I’m sorry to say with some malice. Obviously I was not alone in expressing outrage and I hope there have been a few more apologies if others were as or more outspoken than I.

And that’s it your’re not my friend we are not even friendly, over almost six years you have demonstrated real cruelty and insult. Drop the superior attitude you’re behaving like a sulky child, regardless of what any gods say you are like so many, including me at times, guilty of wounding for the sake of it.

This is not new you’ve been angry for days the reason could be exhaustion, ill health or something that happened at some meeting or other. Or it could be a combination of all the above.

There’s nothing unfortunate or unexpected it may have escaped your notice but I didn’t apologise for you I did so for me. I hate hurting people whoever they are and however vicious they have been. If any good comes out of this it could be you are learning what it feels like to be hurt in such a distant and yet real and personal way. If that is so you may yet benefit from this storm in a tea cup.

Sorry

I was angry I regret that I may, there's no guarantee, have upset someone more than I intended, but being honest I did intend to hurt and I regret that.

I'm not going to make any excuses something angered me and I let rip in a very feminine and spiteful way. I'm very good at feminine and spiteful.

I think what I wanted to do was make someone think and maybe offer their own correspondent a brief apology, what I didn't want or expect was that the rubber ducks, soap, face cloths and even the baby would be chucked out with the proverbial bath water.

I don't want that. I kind of hope the reaction was must have been because I wasn't the only complainant its not as if anything I write is ever greeted with anything but derision so I think perhaps I might be right about that.

I don't want to make excuses the first was fine (ish) and the second wasn't too bad but the third, over several days, was sheer spite and I knew it.

Sorry

I'm So Annoyed!

I am its not good enough I have got to improve!

Four weeks ago or thereabouts I went into town and at my local shop I asked after the neighbour who had moved.  A few days later my ex neighbour sent me a get well card with her new address on it.

The next week I went into town and bought a card for her. I went to the post office intending to write a short note, buy a stamp, post the card and get some cash for the gardener chappie.. I forgot.

Last week I went into town intending to buy a stamp, post the card and get some cash for the gardener chappie. I forgot.

Yesterday I went into town to buy a stamp, post the card and get some cash for the gardener chappie. I forgot.

I also forgot to get various mundane items of shopping.

Its not new I've always had an appallingly bad mad memory its one of the reasons I save everything I can't trust myself to remember it you see. I hardly ever remember a birthday or send Christmas or any other cards on time or at all.

Hopeless, absolutely fucking hopeless.

Now I have to go into town again and I don't like that I don't like that at all. I'm so angry I could spit nails.

Looking on the bright side I have at last and at least written the note and addressed the card all I have to do now is buy the damn stamp and get the cash for the gardener chappie. Even better and even in the pouring rain which it was and is my only excuse, I did see the child molesters employment advisers wife. She is so top heavy I'm amazed she can stand upright.

There's a Plan?

Is there I'm not sure I think there is a grand desire for me to restrict myself to writing about my cats and dogs, apart from that and the oft expressed wish to kill me I doubt there is a plan even though there is evidently much discussion.

Its not going to happen what is going to happen is I will expand my activities.

I will become anonymous or at least untraceable. The dark net beckons as does Tor and if I relocate with no agreement reached I will go my own way and do my own thing my own way.

Its not a threat nor a lie its a promise those who think they're experts because daddy fucked them will find out how wrong they are, those who think they speak for all because one teacher taught them all he knew will find out there is much more to learn.

I have spent time discovering identities, motives and the sickness that consumes some victims. Some victims become abusers not always of children although there is always that risk, some become alcoholics, drug addicts and sexually inadequate, some become sadists assuaging their own pain in the dirty pleasure of making others suffer.

Its not as though the big blogging co's are the only ones or as if YouTube is the only video channel there are so many outlets on social media now that Twitter the parent of them all is losing followers as real people grow weary of the endless views of under employed journalists, the fake accounts, fake battles and the fake alliances.

I'm tired of the fake Pagans and their superiority complex. Of course its American most Europeans and other countries are well aware of the real history of paganism, witchcraft and satanism.

Opportunities have been given times without number and its still possible but I've reached the not caring either way stage. Its retribution I want and one way or another I will take it.

Oh, and the invader who drove into my garden better watch out for cameras.

Cilla Black 27/05/1943 - 02/08/2015

I saw the headline and a shiver went through me. I was never a fan I thought she was as fake as a nine bob note but she was part of my youth and her death reminded me youth is gone and we of those heady wonderful indomitable sixties are become fragile.

I hate it I wish she would have died quietly, silently in secret. I know I’m selfish and maybe heartless although I don’t think so I think the heart beats a little louder and more fearfully with each death of my generation.

Its not Elvis who was older and died of willful neglect or John Lennon murdered by a lunatic. It was death by natural causes and that’s what made me shiver. My generation are so much closer to natural causes now.

Would You Adam & Eve it!

A cow, could've been a bull, in my garden!  It left clumping great hoof holes all over the bog ridden ground. It set the dogs on kill alert and it made me laugh out loud.

The farmer who had to round up this solitary and obviously dangerous creature was not I think the one who allowed it to escape its field. Oh no I believe that disaster is down to the neighbour from hell. Its his field the escapee got out of, not that I blame the poor cow I've been trying to get out for ages and I have to admit with considerably less success.

Cows, could've been a bull, are far more curious than city people (me) might believe, they are always interested in everything very much like the neighbour from hell which, who knows could be where the cow gets it from that one being known for his curiosity about things that are none of his business or concern.

Anyway I had to do a, I'm not physically strong, repair job on one of the fences there are two both by the child molester handyman one is beyond my reach I'm no climber and I don't like stinging nettles or things that fly and crawl in weeds. The other is about 15 feet inside my garden and covered in weeds and stinging nettles. The cow had to get down the mound that is part of the ring forte, over a fence across a mountain of weeds and over the second fence. All the fresh green and very wet almost submerged grass must have been a strong attraction.

Talking of not physically strong I'm worn out with the stress of it all time to take a break for an hour. Or so.