I am So

Ooooh, and here I get all unglued because I can’t decide on the best word, the right cliche, to describe what I feel toward some people. I really can’t I’ve gone through disgusting, contemptible, hate, actually I don’t hate them there are some I really feel sorry for but that’s on a kinda scale one day they’re up there with the most pathetic, sorrowful, incompetent losers in the world and the next they’re back among the dregs of all life forms I mean amoebas have more intelligence and sensitivity.

I recall that soon after I began blogging regularly on here someone said I was part of a community now. I couldn’t decide how to deal with that. How could anyone imagine I would want to join a community I was in the habit of referring to as a gang, and yet I was obviously expected to settle in become one of the gang.

Another one after what? three years of abuse cries, anonymously of course, “let me be your friend!” As if after such a prolonged period of hostility such a thing could even be a thought.

Then there are those who seem to think I’ll be happy if one or other of them throws me an occasional nod or wink. Ye Gods…

And there are those who never tire of telling all and sundry their interminable tales of woe, one or two are really good at it, every crisis that they can’t give any details about but can nevertheless assure us was the worst, most excruciating emotional battering they have ever experienced and if only they were not the most timid, sensitive, compassionate of souls they would have stood up for themselves.

Honestly its all I can do not to remind them all why I will never trust them and nor should they if they have any sense trust each other.

For all of them knew what was happening to me, several of them have been spotted outside my house or further down the same road. One is a neighbour and he actually seemed to think that telling me “Its alright!” would calm me down, cure my anxiety and make me happy to go along with this ‘little joke’.

In the real world nothing could be less likely and that’s the thing why would anyone think I would laugh at illegal photography, home invasion and stalking and that’s leaving out all the other criminality and sheer ignorant spite.

A relative says I must go to the authorities immediately but that’s not my way I don’t think I’ve ever done anything ‘immediately’ It all always does get done and so will this.

The so sensitive can’t say boo to a goose one but who managed to get here to gawp at my house without a thought for the human inside needs to remember that because I won’t be forgetting her or those who slither out of the crevices to support her they are as guilty as she.

How did such crimes not only happen but be shared and either encouraged or tolerated among so many? I don’t know but I’m wondering if it could be because the members of the community are not just alone they’re lonely and so cling to their community for companionship and support afraid that if they speak out they will return to the outsider they have always been.

Churchill

There are not many men who are recognised immediately and throughout most of the world by their surname. Eisenhower, Stalin, Patton, Wellington, Bonaparte and Churchill. All these men and no doubt more were of their time and even though time has overtaken them their surnames are still enough to evoke memories of a time when fight was essential and flight not an option. Most but not all were leaders of their countries, all represented their country and for good or ill the people of those countries.

Churchill has been dead for fifty years this is a kind of anniversary worth it because whatever you think of Churchill without him the United Kingdom would have fallen. I don’t know if the 2nd World War could have been won from Australia or Canada two countries where it is said the great and the rich would run, but access to Europe would have been severely restricted and the United Kingdom would have been destroyed for good. Its fifty years since the death of Churchill his country owes him what little independence his successors have yet to squander.

You can like Churchill or hate him but fifty years after his death its still impossible to ignore him.

WTF Will Happen to the CSA Inquiry?

I honestly don’t know its a shambles, unacceptable delay in appointing a Chairperson and frankly when you look at the offers so far the delay is easily understood. To first offer the position to one who is related to a previous AG and whose decisions may become embroiled in the inquiry is as was made clear completely unacceptable. To then offer the position to one who was friendly with a man long suspected of involvement in child abuse simply beggars belief.

Both applicants were capable of doing an excellent job but in the event of argument neither was capable of gaining the respect, trust and authority of the vast majority of the victims of abuse.

Now we have the unedifying sight of squabbling among some panel members and the solicitor to the panel and outside of that some abuse victims in dispute with some panel members. Many victims of abuse are very vulnerable people, not least because in some cases their very education was neglected or completely prevented because of or at the actual hands of their abusers.

Its not acceptable – none of it.

As far as I know the panel was and is there to listen not to adjudicate or go outside the panel to interview victims unless that is fully agreed by all members of the panel and the panel solicitor he is after all the one with the expert legal knowledge and until a chair is appointed the person the panel should be able to look to for guidance.

If there are meetings between panel members and victims those meetings must be completely private because they may not be allowed as any form of evidence or they may be said by some to have impacted or influenced victims statements. It doesn’t matter if such a statement is true or not what matters is the perception and the law. To have a quiet word with a victim is totally understandable everyone’s hearts must go out to them as in an effort to get justice they force themselves to relive the most horrible and wounding time of their lives but panel members must remember that individual actions will reflect upon the whole panel and possibly the inquiry itself and be both cautious and discreet in their dealings with all witnesses.

Really I’m no expert this could be completely wrong and I know I would be deeply moved by the testimonies of victims. I suspect that is the reason for both meetings outside the panel and acrimony within it. I think the panel is important to the inquiry I hope the current members overcome their difficulties and go forward with renewed vigor I also hope a chair is appointed soon because I think the unacceptable delay is the reason some members of the panel may be unaware of the limits of their position for are we not all of us in a similar position?

As inexperienced as I am as soon as I saw how many people were writing and campaigning for victims I withdrew almost entirely because I’m not experienced enough to know who is a reliable source and who is what is called a false flag. I’m writing now because the disputes both inside and outside the panel are putting the panel and possibly the entire inquiry at risk. Its not that I think this will be read by many or agreed by anyone but its my opinion I care about the victims and want this inquiry to get started.

Like everyone I’m so sorry victims are being put through what looks like another form of abuse. Theresa May the Home Secretary needs to get on top of the situation immediately.

Right!

Not that I believe a word any of em say but if my reading of the signals was correct one of em may have been saying he has Motor Neurone Disease known as ALS in America. I could be mistaken or its not beyond the sick bastards to think saying someone has Motor Neurone Disease is a bit of a joke, regardless it is just on the edge of possible so it worries me. A lot.

I would never hurt any sufferer of such a major illness I would not expect him to be responsible for any fine or be punished for any or almost any action he may have taken in the past. I would hope he is getting the best attention available, concentrating on the search for a cure and otherwise doing as he wants.

Hmm, so was it the truth or was it an exaggeration of the oul arthritis excuse? I don't know I know it was placed deliberately to be seen immediately.

Last year there was a very popular campaign called the 'Ice Bucket Challenge' it raised as much as a hundred million dollars for research into this terrible affliction. I hope the money is being put to good use, that a cure will quickly be found, and that this is someones idea of a joke.

What I know is however unlikely it may be and however wrong I may be: it is just possible

Waxing Hysterical

I've run out of cigarettes and this is important because there is a mouse in the kitchen. I strolled into the kitchen intending to get dinner for the famished five and there he was sitting just inside the door. At first I thought he was dead so still was he then I noticed a twitch and got hysterical.

I grabbed a paper towel and tried to pick him up but the fat mouse,  he was very well built for a mouse, legged it before I could get a grip.

I have three dogs and two cats and there is a mouse in the kitchen. I have heard that one way to make lazy cats and dogs do their job is to stop feeding them until they hunt the invader down: they're not getting dinner tonight.

Pippa has taken umbrage at the bad news and is leaping everywhere except the kitchen. Trixie is being her usual couldn't care less self but she will be hungry before the others, having said that she is also fatter than the others.

Ollie, Jezzie and the baby have gone to sleep they too are fat and lazy. There is a mouse in the kitchen.

And I've run out of cigarettes.

What a Fuck Up!

I'm so upset, so fucking angry if I were anywhere near that appalling Bank I would be screaming at them.

I place an order. The order is accepted and approved by the fucking Irish bank. I'm relaxed. And then the poxy bank apparently decline payment as part of a stupid random check! It should according to the blurb go through now. Its a bit late!

What random fucking check???! The money was there I checked and the bank approved the payment but apparently because someone clicked something or other its now declined.  I believe the bank is in breach of its own guaranteed payment system I can't understand it but if you're thinking I can find out immediately? Wrong! I have to wait until the online bank speaks to this or that digit and when they're good and ready get back to me.

I fucking hate Ireland. I hate that the bank is two miles away. I hate that it takes them as much as two days to answer a legitimate and urgent query. I'm not in a good mood. I bet if the Bank wanted something from me they'd get in touch a hell of a lot faster than two fucking days!

I hate banks.

And if anyone is thinking writing the anger will calm me? Wrong! So angry am I I'm spreading the wrath around. I could care fucking less. I want to go back to England to proper respectable banks who rob you up front and in your face not behind you back when something is already approved for payment.

Shock

I always write as I feel or I try to. I'm not one of those who read and proofread and wait, and wait until they think its as 'good' as its going to get. When it comes to my blogging I don't like that the idea of my blog/s is always to say what's right or wrong, what hurts what doesn't right now.

Crazy but right now I honestly don't know. I don't know if I want to hurt this person I actually don't think I do partly because I think he would get far more attention than some of the others which doesn't seem fair, and maybe partly because his full villainy hasn't sunk in yet. This is something that happens when you write through the shock you or certainly I don't know what to think.

I don't know this person or I know him as well as I know anyone who has a certain celebrity but whom I've never met or thought about at all.

So what. I've had enough of it I want to go home to England I need to feel safe and private. In spite of all the blogging, commenting and twittering I am a very private person, one who likes living alone with her cats and dogs. I want that life back and I can't have it here that's not a possibility.

Back to the cause of the shock. I can't even concentrate on that pervert rodent Leon Brittan so knocked for six am I.

None of them are poor, they've been offered a deal their erstwhile colleagues currently  looking toward a third trial would kill for and I'm expected to tolerate the rudeness and cruelty of Eamonn and Alex.

I need to relax and consider.

It didn't work! Its impossible to relax when the neighbours from hell could trundle by at any time and when I don't know how much gadgetry they've placed in and around the house.

If there is no redress agreement including confidentiality then I see no alternative than to go public before one of them does.

Big Black Cat

Twenty or so years ago it was a long summer quite hot doors were left open to the breeze, and to allow a newly adopted kitten to get out in the office yard. The kittens name was Tax she had the run of the place but it quickly became apparent that she was not without rivals for her territory and her home.

A stranger appeared. He was much older some might say he was in his prime. He looked so big and strong. He must have noticed the weeny, weakling kitten doing pretty much what she liked in an area where no cats had previously been allowed, and added to the open doors and frolicking kitten there must sometimes have been the smell and sound of food. The stranger looked upon this cat sanctuary decided he liked it and sneaked in, one day there was one rapidly growing and very adventurous kitten and the next there was kitten - and Big Black Cat.

That was what I called him, whatever anyone says I did not make any effort to befriend Big Black Cat. He arrived uninvited and he stayed, at no time did I offer him as much as a bowl of water. I may even have shooed him off a couple of times because I thought he was a threat to the baby and I thought the very young Herself had had to deal with enough threats.

Nevertheless Big Black Cat stayed, he would appear and lounge around sheds and roof tops. I did not feed him that is an outrageous exaggeration made by people who obviously don't like cats, anyway Tom said "No More Cats!" In a very firm and manly tone and as a mere book keeper, you should see my book keeping, anyone who thinks I can't write fiction doesn't know me...Anyway for once I did as I was told I did not feed or in any way encourage Big Black Cat.

Until one evening a couple of months later I was about to leave when Tom and I just happened to notice Big Black Cat. He was lying by the door. He was very unwell. Tom said "Poor thing he won't last the night". I went back to the office put some food in a dish and filled a bowl with water. I said "Let's give him a chance".

The next day he was slightly better he was also, for purely medicinal purposes, in the office the better to keep an eye on his recovery, and recover he did.

He was the most loving, gorgeous Big Black Cat you can imagine. He would come and go as he pleased, It was a warm summer I may have forgotten to lock all the windows properly. It was twenty years ago who remembers.

He and Tax maintained a dignified distance neither as far as I know ever did anything to upset the other. Big Black Cat would come into the office and curl up on the floor behind my chair.

After a while a relative of mine came to do some accounts work for one of Toms other companies, we introduced her to Big Black Cat and they got along famously. So well that she offered to take him home. So off he went to a big house near Epping Forest, what could be better for a not so young Big Black Cat?

After a few months, not long at all, he became unwell again. This time he was taken straight to the vet and left there for tests. He had feline Aids. The vet didn't inform my relative they put Big Black Cat to sleep without permission and apparently without a seconds thought.

He had been given a new name but it meant nothing to me he was and still is Big Black Cat. 

For the First Time

In my life I used a walking stick, but I did it I walked into town managed not to have a row at the post office, got my shopping and with only minor detours to the bank and the second hand shop turned for home.

I must say the roads are treacherous, the road I live on is in my opinion particularly bad but the main road itself was sort of fine to walk, this is not in any way due to gritters or workmen its thanks to the complete lack of footpath which means that if you can't walk on the road itself you can walk on the grass verge which is anyway safer than either the road is or a footpath likely would be.

To be fair the town itself was almost ice and snow free the pavement was actually dry so walking was not unpleasant just cold but I was well wrapped up except for my hands which were dangling on the end fully exposed to every ill wind.  Its my own fault I do have gloves several pairs in fact, but I always forget something and at least this time I remembered to put proper shoes on. Its amazing how fear of sudden splat invigorates memory.

I started out for home with a not too heavy but not light enough shopping bag. I was walking briskly along on the ice free wrong side of the road and worrying how easy it would be to cross over when I got to my turnoff,  just as I was thinking it might be better to try the fields I got lucky: someone offered me a lift! And even said if I run out of anything, this is me amnesia on legs, to phone them and they would help. It was a kind offer but I hope and believe that so long as the rest of my shopping is delivered I won't run out of stuff or more accurately I don't think I will run out of anything I can't do without until the thaw sets in.

Getting back to the walking stick its wonderful. I won't say I felt confident or safe but I could feel my way and I could negotiate the many ice patches. I didn't need it for walking but it did give me confidence I've a nasty feeling that had I not used it I would have given up and returned home at the first ice patch.

Feeling quite pleased with myself: I did it!

Another One

Aaand its a biggie. Sixty five years young, once I thought I'd live forever and never reach sixty, sixty five was really, really old and unimaginable. I wasn't rude about age I was dismissive I think I still am. Who I am is not defined numerically.

Age does however show in many and varied ways: bad back, horrible hips, wrinkles, and hands, perhaps because I type so much I notice my hands, they're not bad but they're not those long fingered aristocratic type hands either.

Still soft, not fat but kind of pudgy, nails still in good shape and still reasonably well looked after I have to look after them otherwise I would be like one of those horrendous people with nails hanging to the floor or curling into a circle. I saw that one on some site or tv show the other day: the longest nails in the world it said and I thought I'm bad but how on earth does this one do anything including get dressed?  Its a mystery.

A small but not entirely unconnected change of subject. I'm afraid of walking through ice and snow its not new I think its a bit to do with age but a lot more to with with fear of heights from my eyes I look down five feet five inches I wouldn't climb that high how in the world can I be expected to fall that low? I admit I've grown worse or maybe not London never has the kind of ice you get here. In London roads and pavements are very quickly cleared if they weren't there would be a hell of a fuss but this is rural edge of hell Ireland and clean, salted nice clean streets are among a lot of things you don't get in Ireland and do get in London or England.

Today is my sixty fifth birthday as a rational, sensible person I know the actual date means nothing. I do know that but still its sixty five and its a biggie. I feel I should acknowledge the enormity of  it hence this post but I  do also think its important to look on the bright side I will not be succumbing to a zimmer frame just yet and I don't have as many lines on my face as some so if I decide to put the pot on I can still look as young as, well, lets say sixty four.....

I'm grateful to be alive and as active as I would be if I could be bothered but its sixty five and its a biggie.

From Elsewhere

I suppose there is a possibility its a cack handed threat although its hard to see why anyone would think I'd care there are other ways, In the unlikely event that anyone actually believes I wanted to be part of a community I sincerely urge them to stop and use their brains - for once.

There are said to be about three million but I doubt that just as I doubt all the other stats. I do know they got a big investment boost: on the strength of their popularity of course.

I can't get my head around the way I'm apparently thought to care about their likes, dislikes or friends, after all I've been through and all its done to me I want to be a member of their community? Friends?!!!

I've said what I want and it is all I want. Friends! How fucking ridiculous can you get...

Out of the question.

Words

Is the title of a song by the Bee Gees which as you will all know is about love and how very much words can mean to one person when they mean less than nothing to another.

As we all also know some bloggers are dyed in the wool, dogmatic, unrepentant pedants: every word has to be correctly spelled and placed and of course grammar and punctuation have to be correct to the nearest comma.

I’m not like that. I don’t like that. I actively dislike that. I think all pedants should be put against a wall given a blunt pencil and told to carve a thousand times “I will use my brain and my instinct and not my English lesson when I write”.

I read the other day a blog whining about words being used in the wrong context, exactly what context would that be, theirs or mine?

I like words I like to occasionally use different words in different ways so its more than likely that if you read this blog you will from time to time and weather permitting find words that may or may not be put in the wrong place. You may find without too much trouble at all that I’ve put a sentence or well known phrase back to front.

When you find something like that instead of thinking the stupid bitch doesn’t know any better try thinking she’s playing silly buggers again!

I’m as capable of doing grammar and spell check as anyone I’ve even been known to look in a thesaurus before now. I like to write I like the way I write and I write for me not you. Oh, nearly forgot its always a good idea to look out for cliches in anything I write I like those too…

Every word in everything I write is there because I want it to be, if it appears out of place to you try using your imagination words are the stuff of everyday without words we’d all have to rely on clubs and no doubt all clubs would very quickly be. checked for size, shape and divided into what they mean and to what use they may be put.

I could give a shit a club over the head tells the one on the receiving end he’d better think again.

Thought I’d add the song not a favourite of mine but if I don’t like the Bee Gees I do respect their talent.

Its Almost 2 am

And I want to go to bed but I feel I must just jot this down, get it straight for tonight and then maybe finish it tomorrow.

Its amazing how often they get pissed off and we all know don't we that its when we hit the keyboard in wrathful indignation that we make our biggest mistakes.

Its a constant source of surprise to me that the gang appear to lack any understanding of the seriousness of the crimes they've committed they far outweigh any and all of the crimes the News of the World hacks are currently on trial for.

The attitude appears to be 'she was asking for it'. Hard to believe? Why because its the same attitude every rapist has ever displayed to both victims and courts? No its not surprising its self justification and when your world revolves and is probably paid for by members of the same SM gang you don't question too far and you certainly don't admit that for the past three/four years almost every act toward me has been a criminal offence.

They must have become bored with death threats because it seems to have moved on to curses which is no problem for me. Its true I don't like to curse people but its also true that anyone who dares to attempt to curse me will find I'm already prepared and ruthless. 

I'm very serious. I made a very generous offer it was apparently laughed at a source of great amusement indeed but I'm quite sure that if they told their bosses on social media the bosses would insist redress be agreed rather than face the embarrassment of months of ongoing and very revealing court cases.

They won't tell their bosses no self respecting employer employs fools in positions of potential embarrassment they all of them would be out the door so fast the cheeks of their combined arses would get skid burns.

Serious crimes were and still are being committed redress is not a joke its the only answer that lets them off with a slap and gives me my freedom.

Too Little too Late

Too cold To care Too numb To feel Too bruised To sit Too weary To stand Too angry To cry Too honest To lie

Je Suis Charlie

I just want to say that its not racist to be anti Islam. Islam has no colour or nationality. It does have an appalling track record on abuse of women and children. I don't have to like any religion nor do I have to keep quiet about any religion. Its called free speech and that is what those murderers in Paris and others like them are trying to kill. 

Not one mass circulation British news paper or tv company showed Charlie Hedbo cartoons, shame on them they weren't afraid of upsetting Muslims they were afraid of riots and took their instructions from the government. We really can't surrender to that kind of intimidation. If we do all those people who came here hoping for better lives will find they might as well have stayed where they were.

Just Don't Feel Like it

Some days are like that, you wake knowing the only reason to get up is to feed cats and dogs, there is nowhere you want to go and no one you would trust to meet.

Its not a sinking feeling its sunk there's no way up and no way out.

Its not tired its apathy and until you experience it you have no idea what apathy really means from the inside out.

Why bother getting dressed so don't get dressed.

Don't want to eat so don't eat.

Don't want to clean so leave the house a tip

Why do your hair so don't do your hair.

There are people here I really hate.

There is no one here I really like.

Depression is one of the if not the most tiring feeling and I can't shake it off. I get the feeling we're supposed to be able to describe apathy in beautiful vivid colour shaping every sentence like a bud beginning to unfurl.

I can't do that to me it doesn't express the negative, stifling impotence and the anger forced down so long its decomposing from the inside.

One day soon I might do a kind of a midnight flit its what I want.

They don't Know - Tracy Ullman

As far as I remember this is the only record Tracy Ullman made that I liked and I do like it very much there's something little girl timeless about it.

Aaand, naturally as soon as I've had enough of the blogging world I run, rattling with righteous indignation straight to my blogging home where I can fulminate in relative peace. This blog has but one subscriber and I already know he's a bastard so no surprises there.

There's something so, what, naive about this song I want to be in those days and a house I liked has got the sold sign on it and I'm fed up wondering if its time to reproduce the pictures of Ron Keegan and Stephen O'Hanlon who like all men everywhere seem convinced that an exchange of comments is a declaration of undying love.

I mean really, at my age?! Oh! I almost forgot Philip that will never do. He has so much to look forward to from l'il oul me.

I'm off to wallow in my very own prison hell of their creating.

A New Me A New You

I read that on a blog. Its good it struck me and in a way I agreed with it, every new year is an opportunity to start again but none of us can do that if we don't resolve the past. It applies in every part of our lives we can't leave a job without giving notice and we can't realistically start a new job if we don't have decent references from our previous employers.

A new year is a beacon of hope, every year on the first of January millions of us resolve to do this or stop doing that. It doesn't last long some are forgotten within a few days, maybe most last until the end of January but that's it all over the world our new years resolutions are not dismissed or neglected but taken over by what for most of us is the real world.

The new year means nothing if there is too much baggage connected to the old, we can't leave debt, home, family and we can't leave jobs unless or until we have a new position waiting and agreed for us. We can't however much we may want to disappear away from the grimy, fetid sunset of the last year unless we have the means to start the new year fresh.

Life rarely offers new opportunities most of us are so busy dealing with the muck and grime of everyday that on the rare occasions that life offers change very few of us notice we remain stuck in our familiar groove and maybe most of us are happy to be there.

How many of us really want or look forward to the unknown? Not me. I want to return to the area and people I grew up with and I think its the same with many people a new life only really works if we take our old life with us.

This past year and more has been a draining, wearing time for me but I won't can't leave the cause of it until it is resolved its impossible and that is true for so many people its really disheartening. So I will be keeping my new years resolution that one way or another real resolution will be found by me in 2015

Chelsea Racist?

I read on some blog that Chelsea are racist. Are they, really? The above is a picture of the Chelsea team it doesn’t look like a racist team to me I have to say the team whilst looking ecstatic also look like a pretty mixed bunch.

Chelsea supporters are said by some to be racist. Are they, really? I don’t for one minute believe that Chelsea supporters mock or insult people of colour if they are wearing the blue. If however the person of colour is wearing any other colour than blue, is a good footballer and seen as a potential threat to Chelsea success that person of colour can expect everything from his colour, his wife or girlfriend, his sexual orientation and his parentage to be considered fair game.

You can bet your mortgage it will be racist but it won’t be racist alone. Oh no. Your Chelsea supporter will not have forgotten or lost sight of those players the world calls white and Chelsea supporters call the opposition. If the white person is wearing any other colour than blue is a good footballer and seen as a potential threat to Chelsea success that white person can expect everything from his colour, his wife or girlfriend, his sexual orientation and his parentage to be considered fair game.

Its not nice, its not pretty and very often in these days of politically correct waffle its not legal but it is football in the real world and it applies not alone to Chelsea but to every team in the UK and abroad. No stone will be left unturned as team supporters try everything short of running on the pitch and giving the opposition a good seeing to to ensure their sides victory. Not that running on the pitch hasn’t been tried but such invasions can have unfortunate repercussions for the beloved team: being kicked out of whatever tournament the incident occurred in being the first and most important.

Football the real thing not that wimpish American offering is not nice its of the heart and soul all over the world people understand that calling a teams supporters racist when the only colour that counts is that of the shirt the player is wearing is downright silly.

Ollie

Is being a pain in the posterior he didn't want to go when I threw the rest of them out now that they're in he has decided he does want to go. I've sent him out into the Gods forsaken cross between a bog and a pond that is my garden. He can have ten minutes after that I send the search party aka Jezzie out to bring him in.

I may not have mentioned how absolutely brilliant my little big girl is. If I say go find Ollie and if she is feeling helpful and the weather is not too damp or cold for her to even consider acceptable, she will go off into the pitch bog ridden wilderness to find him and bring him home. This she does, I've watched,  by head butting him and biting his ears until he does what she wants. Ollie is really not that keen on Jezzie.

Feeling stressed, again. I've looked at rental and a) no private landlord in his or her right mind appears to want five animals in their house plus a human who smokes and b) who will if she is at all able apply for housing benefit. I totally understand why signs used to say no Irish no one has ever seen let alone met a more corrupt bunch a crooks, but I take exception to those landlords who say no cats, no dogs, no smokers and no housing benefits before they even meet the applicant: I'm dished!

Its very depressing but I will not give up my cats and dogs and since sitting here chewing my nails is only alleviated by the need to use my fingers to select, light and hold a cigarette I'm not giving up smoking either well not until I move.

Christianity

In the past every bit as blood thirsty and gory as Islam has evolved the difference between these two religions now is that one has grown into a largely accepting, inclusive almost social institution and the other while having some admiral qualities has not. In many countries Islam continues as it has done since its founder was alive particularly in Saudi Arabia the home of Islam, where its most important and sacred sites are to be found and where men are still beheaded, women beaten and abused and public flogging of men and women is routine.

Everything Islamic extremists do can be found in the Koran, similar atrocities are to be found in the Christian Bible but they have long been cast aside and condemned by the leaders of Christianity, obviously this has not happened in the Islamic religion, part of  the reason may be that Islam does not appear to have a formal leader. Its Imams are a motley crew who appear to have no order of command, once you become an Imam you become a major part of the law to your community.

The reason Paganism is flourishing is because Christianity if not welcoming is for the most part tolerant of  the older faiths. It seems to me that you can't be Pagan and support Islam, you can't be Pagan or female and support those who devalue Pagan religions and imprison the feminine.

I believe our western culture of accepting Islam is both dangerous and lazy. Most establishment people refuse to stand against Islam because they believe in religious freedom and more importantly they don't want to rock the boat and in doing so reveal how badly damaged the western, Christian boat has been allowed to become.

The west is listing apathetically toward major decline just as importantly its decline will allow the expansion of faiths that remove our hard earned freedoms replacing them with a stern religious doctrine not of our choice but of our blind refusal to recognise the need to assert our Christian base.

If we don't assert our Christian base it will be over ridden by Islam if or rather when that happens all Paganism will be forced on pain of death to return to the wilderness and secrecy of the past.

Saudi Arabia and other Islamic countries still kill anyone found guilty of witchcraft that the particular form of witchcraft practised in Saudi Arabia bears little resemblance to western Pagan Craft makes no difference because Saudi Arabia would do exactly the same to all Pagans.

Fund Me?

I’ve seen several links to the site or people saying they used the site so I thought I’d have a look because there is no doubt about it thanks to the appalling Irish property market to move to a civilised country I need funding.

I can see how some advertising is more than useful its essential I want to make it clear that I do understand it I simply can’t bring myself to totally agree with it or not all of it. If you want funding for college, well, doesn't everyone? Particularly those parents working their fingers to the bone (cliche…) to pay for the college education of their own children.

On the other hand I can see that someone in need of urgent medical attention would justifiably check all available options for funding, and if you’re homeless funding for some sort of mobile shelter would be very helpful and in some conditions life saving.

Animals too, vets fees being expensive I definitely see how asking for funding for an animal in need of medical attention could be essential for the welfare of the animal.

I do understand it I’m not complaining but for the same reason I’ve taken five years to do anything about online harassment I can’t see myself using such facilities. Pride? No I don’t think so I may be a lot of things but I’ll take money from anyone.

Cash is cash it has no memory and no pride.

Its the exposure! It has me clenching my fists and asking myself could I not endure this filthy bog ridden rodent infested hole for another year?

The answer is no, that is thanks to stalkers and neighbours from hell not an option, so I’m doing what I’m doing and if publicity comes serve em right it’ll hurt them more than me and at least I didn’t invite it.

Is all you're Getting

I'm not using it to embarrass anyone more as a sign of availability. Its quite old so hopefully won't identify an individual just let him and others know that he and others are recognised. Obviously its not the only one and probably not the last that will appear on this blog and others.

Do you know it feels liberating.

(46.7.102.19  

Hello Mark