What We Have Here

Is a situation. Herself ruled for twenty years during which time there were no arguments, no territorial disputes no, she should pardon the expression, cat fights, it was all hers and everyone knew it. Oh she rather ungraciously allowed others to occupy her space on a kind of behave or you’re out basis but it was always clearly her space. All of it. For twenty years.

Its taken three months I don’t know maybe her scent is fading or the memory of cats and small dogs is not as strong as, for eg. my own, but whatever it is there is no denying that recently things have been changing. For twenty years I have not had to worry or even think in terms of demarcation or territory it all belonged to a beautiful, casual tuxedo queen. I wish I had a video of the times she stood on the roof and told me off for being home late.

Nope, there’s no video of Herself in charge its all gone what we have now are my memories and what to all intents and purposes appears to be a power struggle. Not a total five in the ring war you understand, Ollie and Jezzie are not too fussed they know their place and as far as they are concerned everyone else is last. This maybe a gift to them from Herself its so totally Her.

The real problem is Trixie she is big, beautiful, confident and a right pain in the arse, currently she is challenging all comers, Pippa is getting her share but she’s hanging tough and being more feral than the regal one she usually holds her own quite well.

Which leaves the tiny and irrepressible Maggie May, or as it happens and as far as Trixie is concerned it does, Maggie May Not. Trixie lurks in wait. She chases the little one up and down the hall. Its a good thing Maggie is fast because when she gets caught claws are involved.

My poor Maggie cries! Of course I run to the rescue. The regal one pays absolutely no heed to threats or even to thrown stuff. She runs and lurks and reappears and the whole process starts again. I don’t know why I didn’t see it earlier. I believe I have mentioned an increase in yelps but I didn’t see it as a territorial dispute and I’m afraid that’s exactly what it is. Maggie is going to have to give in no cat ever would.

And I am going to have to face the fact that time moves on Herself is gone and her successor is getting impatient.

Jeremy Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson

Has gorn. The BBC sacked him after he was involved in what everyone describes as a fracas with young (ish) producer Oisin Tymon below.

OK he did it. Guilty as charged, after what is said to have been a lengthy tirade Clarkson smacked Tymon. Tymon didn't feel he could say “fuck off” and walk away before he got hit? Clarkson succumbed to his very unattractive downright primitive side and of course to the alcohol he had spent the evening consuming and smacked Tymon in the mouth. Oh dear. How sad. Give me a fucking break. If a thirty something healthy male can’t at least run away from a fight with a fifty something drunk male you have to ask yourself what is the problem?

The two men were not in an office where such an occurrence would mean instant and well deserved dismissal, they were on location where drink was drunk in large amounts by Clarkson and where the same rules can’t realistically be said to apply.

I think Jeremy Clarkson is a loyal, discreet friend, he has charm but he has given every indication of being a thug and a bully and like all bullies when he caught scent of someone he could make his victim he proceeded to make the poor devils life very difficult. I wonder if its the first time Clarkson has taken his drink and his frustrations out on Tymon verbally? Somehow I doubt it. To make it worse Clarkson has been playing to the gallery turning up at Tymons home to apologise? me arse!

I pay no attention to Clarkson calling Tymon an Irish cunt he was drunk and compared to what some Irish call the English its a term of endearment and at least it wasn’t wrapped in semtex.

I wouldn't have sacked Clarkson I’d have noticed that however great a philanderer he maybe and I really don’t know or care, his marriage of twenty years is over and I’d have given some attention and leeway to possible mitigating circumstances. I’d also have issued a very legal and final warning and insisted he go to rehab and counselling.

Top Gear is apparently very popular I don’t know I’ve never watched an episode all the way through. It may be that its best days are over.

Clarkson is clever, intelligent, a talented writer, a popular celebrity and a very rich man. Its likely he has already made plans for the future. Hmm. He did report the fracas himself…..

Oisin Tymon is a lowly producer and not the main one on Top Gear or he wouldn't have been running around trying to sort out a hot meal for anyone. His job is safe at least for the time being it is but it maybe that Top Gear days are numbered I suspect its about to get strong competition.

A sad, bitter little episode, some people may have laughed but I see nothing to laugh at in a man getting sacked even if he is a bully or to his victims abuse of the National Health Service.

He's an Expert in his Field

So its too fucking bad that he's made himself almost unemployable. He's in a classroom where I strongly suspect he wastes his skill, his talent and his education by instructing the students, gods forbid they should still be children, that he is not he, he is a can't decide today ask me again tomorrow and don't be surprised if I change again the day after that.

Its all very implausible its all a pile of steaming excrement.

People who are experts in their field but still cant hang on to a job need to look at their own character, stop lying, stop playing the meta gender victim, stop internalizing and personalising every little thing and get the fuck on with living and working in the real world. 

Make a point of getting along with everyone especially the boss at least until you get job security and then maybe if you absolutely insist you can release a couple of your less strident demons.

Fuckit what is it in you that drives you to alienate people and enjoy doing it. Are you so inadequate you can't be in polite company without dribbling all down every social nicety? Not everyone shares your faith, your opinion or your whatever gender you think you are today, most people, this particularly includes principals other teachers and above all parents, you've already shown your contempt for some of them haven't you, don't share your elastic, reversible and interchangeable views on gender or sexuality. 

Do try to remember that when Johnny goes home and tells Mom and Dad that he can be Johanna tomorrow Mom and Dad are likely to look for the cause and when they find you complain to anyone who will listen.

What you're really always saying is sometimes you're on top and sometimes you're not and then again sometimes you do both. So can and have we all, mate, and most of us simply thought it was a natural expression of our mood on the day not an entire change of gender. 

It maybe because of whatever illness or condition you have but its destroying your life and that's the life you're supposed to be living. You have a nasty, spiteful streak in you and you allow it to surface far too often for your own good. You're your own biggest victim.  

You may be that rare bird a psychopath who can't hide his psychopathy: force yourself

Should Be

Little one in the garden twiddling with this trimming that pottering about enjoying what is a really lovely slightly misty spring day. Maggie May is exercising her tonsils and driving me nuts. I should be out in the garden its big enough to need daily attention.

I’m not going out there for more than a minute at a time.  I’ve been out there a couple of times, refilled the bird feeders, pulled a few dead twigs up, but I can’t stay out there.  I won’t its not getting better between anonymous lies, insults, sick games and false promises its getting worse.

I want the people who caused such spiteful, vindictive havoc in my life to pay and one way or another even if it means exposing myself to further if brief ridicule they are going to pay. Its the only thing that keeps me going that and knowing my family have decided on a deadline, means nothing? Only that its no longer entirely up to me.

From Elsewhere - Pederasty

About pederasty and those who however discreetly advocate for its acceptance.

Pederasty of the ancients had nothing to do with willing youth and everything to do with no damn choice.

The reality of a pederast and boy relationship is the pederast loses interest in the boy as he matures by the time the boy is eighteen or twenty at most a pederast has lost all interest and if he hasn’t already done so he will look for a new plaything.

Boys or girls experimenting is understandable and natural an adult grooming, because that is what it is, either boys, girls or both is not. Its contemptible showing no interest whatever in the boy or girls welfare and their future.

A Fishing Trip

Exactly what I have always been afraid of. Neither of us prepared to give an inch. Its been the same for five or six years everything I've found has been the result of their mistakes and of course when you're speaking to someone with at least some legal experience it gets worse not better. It was crushingly predicable and predicted.

I'm so stressed! I gave into curiosity and hope against experience and now I'm upset not just because the possibility of could be hopeful is dashed but because of the crashing, infuriating affirmation of suspicions realised.  I'm one person and I'm tired of the vindictive, sadistic games these creatures play.

It wasn't a disaster the telephone number was given - twice in separate publications over a number of days, but it was upsetting it was entrapment. I'm not prepared to talk to lawyers or their clerks armed with nothing more than whatever wits I have left after such prolonged and sustained attacks.

Spring Surprise

Everyday her daughter would stop simply it seemed to her to take a few seconds to touch a leaf, brush a petal into place and then she would run as if the seconds delay had made her late.

The mother smiled what else could she do? But every day as her child ran ahead the mother stooped and carefully took a long stem of a wilting flower and tucked it unseen into her pocket.

The winter was harsh that year, frozen ponds, frozen pipes for who could afford to keep a fire burning all the long night?

Gradually, almost unnoticeable the ponds broke free of the chains of ice, green shoots appeared at the edge of the path and the nights grew lighter, easier.

Everyday her daughter would stop and the mother would smile.

Today the daughter stopped at her very front gate and gazed as all along the path to home the crocus, tulips and daffodils pushed their way to the sun.

And the mother smiled what else could she do. This year she promised herself would be different mother and child would plant and place the bulbs and together they would watch them grow.

The End?

I don't know why I fall for it every time. Its not trust I stopped trusting any of them a long time ago. I think its because its what I would prefer its what I thought was the best way for everyone. A quiet, almost amicable parting but it won't be like that they won't let it end in such a peaceful way.

I hate the idea of fuss, that's got a lot to do with it and even though I know the timing could hardly be better I'm still reluctant or I was. Not so much now hardly at all I want to hear them say what they did and why. I want everyone to hear it.

Stupid? Maybe but its the ending they deserve and the one that in the long run will do me the most good. I'm almost beyond anger, soon now I will go out one day and not return here and then all they will be able to do is wait. I like the idea of that. I like the idea of someone explaining, you Eamonn? Why I was banned for commenting too often on a site when the same names appear hundreds of times and day after day on the very same site, and explaining my sudden re admittance will be interesting too.

It has never been one instance its always been accumulation.

The end? Not quite

Interesting

I have no clue. Is it a legal thing? Oh yes I think it is. Does it matter?  Yes it does and in more ways than one. Its possible there are hundreds of lawyers who write, doodle and hold politicians up to ridicule in hundreds of different ways, what possible objection could there be particularly when so many politicians are also lawyers.

Do they need to say the law is their business? No, no more than I need to say if I work or what I do. Is there a grey area? No, not at first sight but I think there could be and this is me being that rare bird: an honest one.

I'm sick of feeling sick I want this thing to end relatively amicably but end regardless. I worry about entrapment why do I need a telephone number when they've already got mine? Of course its probably me I know any call would be recorded and that's alright I would be doing the same but I'm not a lawyer and I've had enough traps.

I want it to be amicable so I can run to a new home in an old country and relax, grow old with my pets, get my hair cut and coloured white or platinum or silver, where I can decorate the house without the floor boards moving under me and where as hard as it is it is still possible to get builders and decorators who don't threaten to kill you.

I want to go home to peace and quiet. My family are saying put a deadline on it but come home and I will preferably peacefully but that's becoming irrelevant. 

Clarkson

He's still all over the news so once more with some compassion.

Jeremy Clarkson has a problem or several, I think that's been obvious for a while, I hope he's getting help. He's also a very rich man and from what I can tell a loyal and discreet friend.

Loyal because he has not given into the tendency to dump aging co stars. He has kept the same team on Top Gear almost since the beginning, no fluffy young wannabes take up residence on his show although many are eager to co star from time to time. He's discreet because you don't get the like of David Cameron rushing to call you a friend if you're not.

He may be, probably is a bit of a bastard but the producer he's alleged to have smacked owes his job to Clarkson not the other way round, more than that is hard to prove. The dispute between Clarkson and the assistant producer is a difficult thing to judge. A show on location is not an office, shop or a factory where strict rules apply and where at the end of shift everyone goes home leaving their colleagues behind.

The people on location live, eat, sleep and work together sometimes for weeks or months at a time. In this particular case it was probably no more than a few days but tensions could still arise and have nowhere to go.

None of us know what really happened what we do know is a young assistant may well find discretion is beyond price and perhaps its his own job he should be worrying about.

We all have bad times at work most of us get to go home at the end of every shift and recover Jeremy Clarkson couldn't do that and neither could his assistant producer.

Its all very well for us to cast blame and its true Jeremy Clarkson has some form he did try to hit Piers Morgan. As far as I'm concerned all that shows is he has the right attitude. If anyone deserved a smack its Piers I didn't know hacking was going on at the Daily Mirror and I definitely didn't know the pictures of British soldiers were fake Morgan

Sometimes

Asclepius

Words fly as hounds off a leash
Sometimes not

I wish you well

May your Gods defend you
And guide you
May they warm you
And calm you

May your full recovery
Come with the grace of the Gods
May they speed you
And cheer you

May the Gods know
Without your vision
They are as nothing
Dreams in a wilderness

Be happy
Be calm
Be. Well.
Blessed Be

This is my will…

An Indulgence

Sometimes it feels like a dream and you know it could be because its the devils own job to find pictures which is understandable. It was set back from the road and just beyond its own one car drive.

Its my last home I did and had so much work done there and today I got lucky and found some old pictures.

The first is my kitchen



When I bought the house it had three bedrooms and kitchen living room were combined I didn't like that so I sacrificed a bedroom and created this kitchen with my dream cooker.

The lounge



With the kitchen gone I could and did create a lounge in it you can see some of the furniture I still have although it looks a lot different now. Its suffered with me.

Dining Room



I wouldn't use my lounge as a dining room so I had an extension built and again you can see some of the furniture I still have although most has gone.

My bedroom



This has all gone except you guessed it for the cats and as you can see Herself has pride of place.

Ask me again what I think of this almighty mess, I can't believe it happened. Very female? Maybe but I designed it and I lived there and at heart I am very female.

Seriously?

No, not a bit. I simply don’t, can’t take that one seriously anymore. I don’t believe that he believes I think its why he drags a sack of charms everywhere and why he is so desperate not to leave any potential deity to rest in peace.

He is one of the most sexualised people I’ve ever heard of making it almost impossible to separate him from his perception of his sexuality. Something must have happened to shape his thinking not about gender variation or sexuality but his need to constantly project gender variation and sexuality onto everything. 

Looking at the young, maybe early teens him he’s average a bit underweight, like so many boys of that age he looks a bit wimpish but there is nothing that says he's different just that maybe he’s a little unhealthy, but look at him again this time in his twenties or early thirties and the picture is very different. He’s strong, well built and from looking at the pictures anyway: very healthy.

So what changed? My guess is he was quite an adventurous lad and that at a time when it may have been dangerous. In fact its still dangerous if you’re going to indulge be prepared and be fussy. Hmm. He has problems but Motor Neurone Disease isn't one of them or I don’t think it is. Telling the truth is a serious problem he has and perhaps it extends even to what he tells himself.

He is also a great band wagon jumper. Oh my goodness if any group of people appear to him to be treated less equally than another there he is with his placards and his indignation writ large, and that’s fine perhaps even admirable but it can be spread too far and too thin and that’s what he does. It becomes less than believable or respectful: give the beggar a quid or a house but don’t give him your condescension.

He has problems and they do concern me but he is such a liar its impossible to be sure what his problems are unless its to say his main problem is he lies. I wouldn't trust him an inch and I wouldn't recommend that anyone else do so either.