Do Some of us

Regret not having children? I don't. Oh, I can see advantages, for a start I wouldn't have made some of the mistakes I've made. I would have made others perhaps more wounding mistakes for I would not have been a 'good' mother. Not by a long, long way.

Which is not to say I wouldn't have been a good mum in the accepted sense I would! Definitely and too much! I would have been such a good mother. Absolutely nothing even remotely risky would have been allowed near a child of mine. School would have been thoroughly vetted and closely watched and Gods help the teacher who upset a child of mine, and I mean that I was the sister who took a younger brother to nursery and stayed to make sure nothing happened to upset him, that's the protective tendency and it would have been taken to even greater extremes.

And then I would be too soft. No such thing as too sweet or too fattening and no such thing as 'eat your greens they're good for you', no do your homework or go to bed early you have to go to school tomorrow, my child would not have crossed the road alone. Truth is any poor kid I had would have been ruined before they were ten years old.

At least I recognised my own fallibility. I wouldn't have been a good mum. Not a chance. So, no I don't regret it not a bit. I would hate to look at an adult and know I'm responsible for all his or her faults and I would be I wouldn't have let anyone else get close.

I remember a girl I knew at junior school she was beautiful, blonde with hair her mum put in curls everyday. She was beautifully dressed and cared for. I can't be sure from this distance, we were not close friends but I think I envied her, her lovely hair and her beautiful clothes.

Some years later when presumably we were both working we met again and I was silently shocked. She looked older, hair unkempt, clothes less than clean and tidy. I don't know what if anything had gone wrong all I know is she was a beautiful child whose mum sent her to school looking perfect every day.

I've Been

Watching a couple of horses on you tube and two full length films.

First Secretariat the perfect horse

Second Seabiscuit a not so perfect horse, or so the experts believed.

What did they have in common and why did the film about Secretariat do less well at the box office than the film about Seabiscuit? Hmm, Secretariat born into horse racing aristocracy and looking it from his size, strength and demeanor. Owned and bred by a fine horse racing family.

Seabiscuit also born of horse racing aristocracy perhaps not as high up the chain as Secretariat but high enough to have value, so why didn't he? He was smaller but he's not the first horse or person to be bigger on the inside. Seabiscuit was the fabled David against Goliath and maybe people loved him because we're all David.

I never watch a horse race which is not to say I've not seen many I have, when I was a child the most TVs a family had was one and we all watched what our parents watched. Every Saturday and bank holiday my dad put an accumulator on at the bookies and so every Saturday and every bank holiday I saw horse races. I've seen Arkle, Red Rum, and so many others I can't remember

I don't think I ever saw Shergar race. By then I was an adult, working and definitely not available for any horse racing. My mum and dad watched him, Shergar won the only horse race they ever went to they had a grand day and mum boasted they stood right next to Shergar she was a big fan...

No, I never liked racing and I never failed to make my dislike very clear. It was my sister who took mum and dad to watch Shergar they both loved their day out and I guess I was indulgent about that particular Derby and then eighteen months later Shergar was kidnapped and murdered by the IRA...

I've watched the films about Seabiscuit and Secretariat. It seems to me Seabiscuit and Secretariat from either end of the tracks appealed right across all boundaries. One because he was so big, strong, powerful and confident and the other because he was not.

I love to watch video clips of both horses, I love the idea that we can all love something from either end of the spectrum, I love seeing both of them win, and I love the idea that there are people who love horses for their own sake as much as they love any other animal. My mum and dad did the murder of Shergar was a stunning shock to them

And, watching Secretariat and Seabiscuit reminds me of rainy Saturday afternoons and a bad tempered, ungracious girl...