Vision

Our eyes Show us the way
But not the truth

Our eyes Lead us into temptation
And out again

Our eyes are windows to our soul
our deepest thoughts
Shimmer in our eyes

May the gods protect our eyes
And help us see and be seen
In the light

I made a video!

A tiny one less than five minutes.  I wanted to show my new wig which is about the cheapest wig you can buy on Ebay but which looks fine to me.

What I didn't want to do was get all done up like a dogs dinner in some sort of effort to make me look what I'm not. I'm no expert not at making videos this is the first I've published and not at wearing a wig this is the first I've worn.

I'm an amateur and I wanted it to show so I plonked the wig on my head and rabbited on about it and the new corset I've bought also a first and also from Ebay.

I was very relaxed and amused with myself and I wanted that to show too, so often I'm stressing and upset to me it sometimes seems that anguish is my whole life and interest and I think maybe it looks like that from outside but all doom and gloom is not who I am.

Mostly I love to laugh and this seemed a great opportunity to show who I am and that I'm not afraid and certainly not ashamed of my age or what I look like. The video is a bit of fun and at the same time its a bit of reality there's no makeup, no posing, no script or plan. Its just me and the wig.

I may make more videos if I do I must try to find a way to fit the corset into one without actually wearing it. I'm not trying to shock anyone either!

I'm not sure what I want anyone who watches it to feel about it, mostly I think I'd like them to know its genuine, not plastic or sophisticated just an amateur home video because that's who I am

I always forget something and this is something I was going to start with but it seemed too whiny, trivial and one of those 'not my fault' jobs. This is all my fault!

Truth is I didn't want to publish on You Tube no reason other than the potential I didn't and don't want this to be seen as any kind of audition its not. So I got all set up clicked a few clicks and Facebook wouldn't take it! I tried what seemed like everything and it just wouldn't go. Being me of course all the fuss did was make me more determined so with Facebook being a pain I tried You Tube and it worked first time, and then would you believe it loaded from You Tube onto Facebook first go. Ah well it was meant to be 

I Love Ebay!

Its arrived! My brand new fresh from the sewing machine corset. Its black, its leather its got ribbons and I’m not convinced I can get into it. Its in two bits but the back is secured with ribbons that you tie or untie like a plait or shoe laces. I remember plaits and shoe laces and I have to say according to my memory they were nothing like this corset.

I’m inclined to like the manufacturer of the corset who I believe is somewhere in China even before I try it on and this most unusual decision is because a little item I didn’t expect arrived with the corset. In fact it took up my first ten minutes or so after unpacking. I couldn’t decide what it was or how it was meant to be used with the corset there were no hooks or pins to attach it. It was velvety and as I twiddled with the two thin strips of elastic it dawned on me that what I had in my hands was a g string and what had happened was that the elastic had got a bit mixed up. All I had to do was unravel it and there it was a thoroughly modern almost invisible g string.

Such fun! Not for years have I twiddled and twirled and laughed at the I suppose I have to call them memories, these things are so feminine they can’t help but take me back to the days when I was too. I must say the g string is very unlikely to ever be worn I’m not sure it would stay up but it is a whole new way to look at what is basically a triangle and we’re never too old to learn,.

The corset is a different matter I think getting it on properly may take longer, require more skill and from the point of view of lower back pain be a complete waste of time but I’m going to enjoy the sheer femininity of it and then tuck it away in a drawer. Do you know femininity is an easy word to spell but a hard one to type I keep tripping over the ‘i’s,

I would never have gone to the shops to buy a corset but this came to me! and I’m going to love wondering if I can get it on if I really put my mind to it and perhaps lean against something solid.

And no deeply flawed and perverted readers I do not need assistance. Not I’m positive that anyone of ye would volunteer, thank gods.

We

Done good! Well two of us did. Jezzie it seems has decided she’s not keen on life outside her garden. She graciously allowed herself to be dragged down the road but her attitude was not good and her indifference to the exciting smells of the countryside is better imagined than endured. Tough girl, big bark Maggie definitely thinks that home is the better part of valour. She created a hell of a fuss by dancing circles around me and refusing to move on, which leaves me and Ollie.

Eeh, my handsome old boy was up for a run but I had to be careful. He won’t let me cut his hair which means he gets hot and he’s a wee bit overweight which means he needs to take it easy or it means I think he needs to take it easy. My Ollie is thirteen years old which is not bad for an American Cocker Spaniel and so I thought it would do him good to take a stroll.

Ollie loved it! He strutted his stuff all down the road leaving watery messages every few yards. It was almost embarrassing

The sudden interest in exercise is entirely due to yesterdays horrible walk, as aches subsided and I relaxed I decided I need to walk, regardless of the neighbour from hell and his spawn I have to get some exercise and so that was what the walk today was about. I don’t think it did much good both hip joints are aching now and my feet are reminding me that yesterday is not that long ago.

Still it was a lovely day for a stroll and yes I did see the pervert neighbour and the creature he married. He seems to think I will talk to him or rage at him, and he’s not wrong I very well might but I do have to be choosy. I won’t put an old dog who is going deaf and blind at risk for any satisfaction I might get from telling someone what I think of them besides its not like the oul perv doesn’t know…

The other thing I want to mention is the difference aging makes to slim and fuller figured people I mean this as a general observation. I’ve noticed that as we age the various changes include scrawny. If people remain slim they tend to look scrawny with unusual bits like arms sagging, whoever thought arms could sag but they do and what’s worse is it shows quite a lot.

To my immense satisfaction and no little relief whatever else I do I don’t sag. I protrude much more than I like or than I ever used to but the protrusion doesn’t sag, on the whole I think that’s a good thing but I also think it depends which bit is protruding. I don’t want my bum round my knees but I don’t want anyone resting their shopping on it either.

Oh the joys, reflections and decisions of age on a sunny Saturday it reminds me of a property I saw in town yesterday its semi detached and I admit I did kinda like it.

Did I mention Trixie? She is the reason I curtailed Jezzies walk Trixie was well up for an afternoon stroll but cats are not welcome on the road and she can’t be expected to have proper or any road sense and drivers don’t like to see a cat walking casually along the middle of the road. Its not the first time she’s done this blessed cat I didn’t realise she was outside next time I take the dogs for a walk I will make sure she is locked in!

My Feet!

Are killing me, that’s it. My feet would be my entire world of pain were it not for the mitigating circumstances of my aching back and wonky hips. Standing upright is a problem, bending is something other people do.

Phew! I had to go to town. I put if off for most of the week but sometimes need really does must and so it was today. It has been a very pleasant day and I was dressed appropriately and the bloody shoes are flip flops. I live in fucking flip flops so what went wrong today I haven’t a clue.

I’m not happy, the walk into town was not exactly arduous but it felt long and dreary even sunshine made no difference to the general look and feel of drear. Anyway because I had as usual left it late I had to go to the bank first it was half past three I was still in the queue at four o’clock. This is because there is only one cash service counter in the bank. Yes its disgraceful piss poor service but the big mouthed big headed Irish people go all meek and subservient whenever anything remotely resembling authority turns up.

Anyway what the walk and the queue meant is that my back was giving me hell and my right hip decided to join the fray. I’m crippled I tell ye!

I walked home the feet began to really nag at me to stop but it was a nice day, I’ve worn the shoes half a dozen times and there’s no excuse for getting a cab if the walk is fine. It wasn’t fine.

I’m not in a good mood chances are those bits of me that are not aching now will be by tomorrow.

Oh and if anyone is stupid enough to think the Irish health service is anything as good as the British they should move over and find out. Its the reason people anywhere near the border claim a British address. Cretin…

Genuine Irish Bog

Yep its Irish bog

Looks like that’s it we had a week and a half maybe two whole weeks of decent weather and now its gone. Spring and summer arrived and left this Gods forsaken hole together. The good news is most of those nasty midge type flies that seem to hover around puddles and bogs in good weather left with them. The not so good news is this is Ireland there are millions of em you can’t walk past a tree without getting dive bombed so don’t celebrate they will be back they’re never far away.

Summer could reappear there are sometimes a few brilliant days in September and even October has been known to shed a little light and heat but I look at like this the really bad news is it will still be mosquito infested bog.

Truth & Time

Earth Goddess

Is Truth a goddess? Is Time? Are they one and the same? Sure it is that one will bring forth the other so perhaps there is a Truth waiting, biding her Time…

If I had to say for or against I would say instinct always comes first but we don’t listen or see it and on the rare occasions when we do we actively dismiss it as impossible and yet again Truth has to wait for Time to show the way.

There are differences between the Goddess Truth and the Goddess Time. Truth is solid, intractable can’t change, won’t be dismissed, but she is reflective appearing to shed her light in different ways. She is always Truth and can’t be brushed aside or hidden for long.

Time appears to be changeable tearing along at great speed and slowing almost to a stop while we her servants stand, stare and eventually impatient stamp our feet and grind our teeth. Time pays no heed she is Time and she will make the Truth clear for all to see in her own good Time.

I think its been apparent for some Time that change is coming its in a breathless tearing rush because its fed up of knocking politely on the door of imagination for years and has decided to barge in, sit down, get its breath back and when its good and ready help you pack.

Some weeks ago I watched a video, well ok I’ve watched several videos about living off grid. Twenty years ago I’d have done it but family commitments got in the way, five years ago age clamoring to take over I’d have paid someone to build my house. Now due to corrupt unscrupulous people and the limitations of my own age I need my house to be ready to live in and that is considerable change.

Sometimes you want to grab something by the scruff of the neck and teach it a lesson or three and sometimes that’s exactly what happens.

Where there is a Goddess there is also a God

PIRA

And there it is a gang inter related and incestuous are said by some to have actually believed they could win what they called a war against a country of at that time about sixty million people.

Yep and provided they kept their reading material strictly and only to Mills & Boon they could have carried on believing that until the bigger, stronger, better armed, more populous and obviously more intelligent country became impatient which is what probably happened.

In the boring gaps between indiscriminate bombing and maiming the gang were not idle, children were abused, rapists given safe passage to new areas and new victims and three thousand people were killed.

The Nobel Prize is not what it was but once it meant something.

Didja Miss Me?

Didja think I'd forgotten ye my first and favourite blog and maybe one day my only blog, or not. I like to write and can be quite prolific who knows where I will spread my custom over all the future gauzy years. I really don't know nor do I have any idea, well maybe some inclination lurks ready to load the quill with the devastating weapons of verbal war but if that is so its not for today and not for this blog.

Today I want to talk of other things and people specifically I want to talk of how I write and not compare it exactly, I'm very well and painfully aware of all the things my writing lacks I've been told so so often its a virtual tattoo across my forehead. No, today is more a general overview not of me I leave that to others who no doubt consider they've been well and truly lumbered with the chore...

Its the deliberate use of unusual or, what shall I call them? Old fashioned words. Its almost a form of boasting so eager is the author, and yes I think I must call them authors they would be so disappointed if I didn't, to prove a kind of intellectual superiority. Its hideous, its so misplaced it changes the tone interrupts the story and surely loses the interest of all but the most determined reader, 

As awful as it sounds it reminds me of Barbara Cartland, my goodness she had the words at her fingertips and she used them all! I read one book or almost one book well I got through a couple of chapters what do you expect?! She was a famous author and had the brass neck that rightfully belonged to all three monkeys. She was the most appalling writer of undiluted and very successful romantic drivel. Very successful, and not an ounce of rhythm wretched woman must have been tone deaf but she did have an audience and so maybe in spite of  my vehemence I could be wrong, but its what I think. So here it is...

I believe very few readers are interested in the authenticity or creative authority of a writer we and yes I am one! kind of expect that to be present in any book we pick up. What we are interested in is talent in what, in spite of all the bollocks I get thrown at me and there's a lot, I persist in calling the rhythm of the words 

You don't use a long antiquated word to prove you not only know it you know how to use it. You don't use such words to impress a reader we're really not that important, when you write you forget all else and go where the ebb and flow takes you and whilst you must be concerned about plagiarism you must not be concerned feel inhibited or unable to use any tool and that most especially includes all cliches, metaphor and wise old sayings they are yours and mine for the use of to deny them their place denies us the reader their insight and their humour.

Do you ever wonder as I have of late about the appalling lack of visitors there must be if my presence is even noticed let alone felt.  Its strange being a ghostly apparition on the world wide web. I must change that...

Its Easter

I woulda been bright eyed and bushy tailed but I yawned instead

And I forgot, no I didn’t really forget I seem to have lost a day I thought it was Thursday anyway its OK I’m making up for it by not being able to forget about it now.

The good news is it means I didn’t get any extra chocolate the bad news is it means I didn’t get any extra chocolate I will have to order some or something.

In an effort to help Jezzie come off her addiction to eclairs I bought some of those doggy treat thingies, needn’t have bothered she doesn’t like them. Its funny watching the baby she knows something’s on offer but before she accepts she sniffs Jezzies mouth to make sure she gets the right treat if it doesn’t smell the same she won’t take it instead she drives me nuts until she gets the same as Jezzie. Half starved dogs indeed!

I had a quick look at the bird food containers and I think they’re good for today I don’t wanta go out there and get ankle deep in mud so they better be good for today.

I’m debating all the things I could say about the blog posts I’ve read but I don’t think I’ll bother they were that bad.

Some sortofa nuclear deal has been agreed between the USA and Iran. Israel is said to be upset. Thing is I’m not sure I believe any of it, I’ve a feeling Israel is in full agreement with the US and is playing to its own gallery. North Korea and Pakistan have nuclear weapons so does India its no longer possible to keep nuclear weapons exclusively for ‘trusted’ nations and I think everyone knows that or should.

I hope everyone, well everyone I like, has a good Easter the rest of ye can fuck off and pay your debts

The Finch

Is a greedy bird. Robins have the reputation of quarrelsome greedy fellows but if anyone were to ask me I would say the Finch is his master.

Robin is a fly by night, oh, he's bold but he doesn't do full on attack and grab. Your Robin perambulates around the object of his attention and only when he is happy all is safe does he dart in, grab and run.

The Blackbird bless him hardly seems to know the food is above him he stays on the ground where to be fair there are often the shavings other birds drop and where I sometimes throw bread or nuts. Blackbird gets a share but he doesn't pursue it it comes to him on the muddy, soggy ground.

So far this year the Magpies appear to be losing their battle with the Crows. I've seen one or two Magpies but nothing like previous years when they took on all comers and won.

The Crows are in the ascendancy and you know there is no such thing as a black crow they are varying shades of grey. No not fifty all though your male Crow has been known to gang rape females.

Unpleasant birds in that regard and like the Magpie when they fly in they swoop on the largest plunder get it all in one beak and swoop off again. Its quite extraordinary how much one Crow or Magpie can get in his beak.  Greedy, shameless almost birds of prey.

No, no regardless! Its the Finch that has it, all day long he seems to bite at the suet balls, nuts and seed that's carefully and promptly supplied. He doesn't appear to have a favourite food he devours it all ignoring all but cats