Enigma?!

If I had to guess I would say it all seemed to be about illness, death and the affection I feel for my cats and dogs.

Right.

That's when it gets all runny isn't it, there was never any affection for me It was all a sick joke that got out of control.

The reason it got out of control is because people in control of themselves don't usually hack computers, delete emails and other personal material, steal, invade property, share illegal images, or give the private address of neighbours to strangers, and of course there's so much more.

It was such fun for them they couldn't resist going further and further and no matter how often they were warned it made no difference,

No, don't expect me to try to translate a cowards gibberish. I don't know what was meant I only know how sick it makes me feel. I almost died because I don't trust the pervert neighbour from hell and someone who is part of that imagines I care about any kind of affection?

There is recent information online from 15 years ago and a bankruptcy 12 years ago and I know some people have illegal images and information about me which they have shared among themselves and who knows how many others. Its not acceptable I want this disgusting mess closed down properly and if I have to go to court to do that I will sending the entire gang down. 

Enough with the Politically Correct Bollocks

Yep, you can tell when a subject is gaining the upper ground and making an impact the politically correct arrive determined to silence anyone who speaks openly and in so doing turn the subject whatever it is in the required less emotive direction. 

The subject in this case is the rape and torture of children by organised paedophile rings or gangs over the last forty or more years. Many of the members of the gangs were politicians and other establishment figures who are now known to have had carte blanche and complete protection from the police and security services, others were teachers or priests and vicars, yet more were Pakistani or Bangladeshi immigrants who to be fair have been encouraged by the politically correct fascist left to believe they can behave in western countries in exactly the same way and using exactly the same law as they would in either Pakistan or Bangladesh.

At long last and much against the will of some senior MPs and public servants organised paedophilia is being openly talked about paedophile gangs in Westminster and other towns and cities are being investigated.

Naturally at this point the politically correct and usually left wing fascists arrive to grab as much of the lime light as possible and to bully the rest of us into using only those phrases and colours approved by themselves.

The good news is its a clear sign that the torture and rape of children is fully in the public domain. The bad news is that means its open season on hauling anyone who tells the plain unvarnished truth whatever its colour or religion either into line or out of all debate.

I know what that feels like but I also know that when the nationality and religion of abusers are known and publicly referred to that in itself  encourages members of those communities to assert themselves. It helps to prevent further abuse in those communities who have been allowed almost encouraged to rape, assault and treat women and children with at best disdain and at worst continuing physical and sexual assault.

You can’t properly deal with child abuse unless you name it, own it and shame it out of existence and that means telling the truth about Bangladeshi, English, Pakistani, Scottish, Welsh and every other nationality. Sharia law says that if the girl has reached puberty sex with children is allowed that if a girl has not reached puberty the adult male may fondle her, that is serious sexual assault it must be openly acknowledged and eradicated from Sharia and the whole country.Its not about race or religion there are still ongoing investigations into the Anglican and Catholic churches no one complains that mentioning either of those is racist and just recently Jehovah Witness religion has been shown to have concealed more than a thousand cases of child rape and assault over many years.

What has become apparent on social media sites is that some commenters are admired, some join together and form alliances and some are undoubtedly and despicably using the appalling tragedy that is child rape and torture to further their own careers, others are ridiculed and dismissed this is wrong all voices should be heard and respected doing that enables us all to see where those who are trying to close debate and shield offenders are lurking.

Stop with the racism its children that matter not the mealy mouthed words of the politically correct fascists who in some cities and towns have been content to allow the rape and torture of children to proceed unchallenged for many years.

Stress!

Has to be one of the worst feelings. Its not sickness but it can make you sick. Its not depression but it can very quickly make you very depressed.

I've lived with stress for a long time now and its taken a serious toll, funny when I was physically ill I felt no stress but as I recover and catch up with reality stress reasserts itself.

Angry, unhappy, suspicious all the above and all caused by people with no idea of or care for the harm they're doing.

I have to become more aggressive the alternative is increasing illness and depression and I won't have that.

Guns

America was built on the right to own guns not just one gun and not just one type. The constitution is very clear guns are to assist the people to challenge corrupt government. Guns are an integral part of the American constitution.

Hundreds of thousands, possibly millions of people in America own guns legally as is their right but that right is now being heavily challenged by what Americans loosely describe as left wing progressives they seem to think that if you take guns away from people honest enough to buy and register them legally you have solved the problem and cut the crime rate to nil.

How ludicrous, ignorant and typically left wing is that?

In a gun free country like the UK its far easier to get a gun illegally than it is to go through the song, dance and character investigation it takes to get one legally. You can I'm told and have read buy one for about a hundred pounds. Okay its probably not new and it may well have been used to commit serious crimes but a gun is for shooting right? It doesn't need forms or permission particularly illegal guns.

In America some cities have designated themselves sanctuary cities this means that illegal immigrants will not be arrested and deported if they choose to go to a sanctuary city nor apparently will they be handed over to the federal authorities if they are wanted for crimes committed in America. Isn't that nice and civilised of them.

Except. Recently a young girl walking with her father in one of these wonderful sanctuary cities was shot dead by an illegal immigrant who just happened to find a gun as he was strolling about free as a bird in a sanctuary city. Not surprisingly the girls distraught family are furious as are most people.

Aaand right on cue along come the liberal progressives to announce that its not the fault of the crazy, pompous, patronizing and as we now know dangerous sanctuary city authorities who could have handed the murderer over to federal authorities before he murdered anyone. Oh no its all the fault of the laws that allow Americans to own guns never mind that the particular gun the illegal immigrant used to commit murder was stolen its last legal owner having been an officer of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Nancy Pelosi senior Democrat and political representative of the sanctuary city concerned has announced that 'City policies are not the problem Guns are'. I have trouble believing anyone with half a working brain said it.

It is hundreds of years too late to ban guns in America. Guns are everywhere they are easier to get hold of illegally than guns in the UK. All banning guns would do is leave all the illegal weapons on the streets because you can bet your mortgage very few of those would be handed in and leave all the law abiding citizens defenseless.

Politicians like Nancy Pelosi must be dreadful lying people as are all those who agree with them and who want to ban guns to law abiding people who may never use them for more than clay pigeon shooting or target practice at an authorised club.

In a country full of illegal weapons a legally owned gun is a sense of security a knowledge that if attacked you can fight back. If I lived in America I would own a gun and I would not hand it over to some smug git of a politician who is protected by would you believe heavily armed guards.

I could name the sanctuary city but what difference would that make all sanctuary cities are the same all put their law abiding citizens at risk by willfully refusing to deal with illegal immigration which means they have no clue as to who or how dangerous some of their city inhabitants are.

Moving?

Well I was I had hoped to  be scrubbing the dust off this filthy hole by the 2nd week in July. Alas it was not to be but I don't despair undaunted and improving all the time I now hope to leave this septic isle in a couple of months or so, it won't be up to me I will leave as soon after the doctors discharge me as I can arrange it.

Thing is everything is still so tiring! Really if I had the energy I'd be shocked at how long full recovery is taking. I go to town look more or less alright while I'm there and then when I get home I drop the facade and fall into bed for a couple of hours. Not good enough but I'm giving into it because I'm absolutely terrified of any sort of relapse. I don't think you survive two chances to fuck up as badly as I did.

Moving is in my experience always traumatic, dreadful, painful and horrendous there is it seems to me no easy way to pack up an entire life and move it lock stock and barrel to pastures new. It always hurts and help is notoriously hard to find which I think is probably because no one who has done it wants to be anywhere near it ever again and definitely not for anyone else. Tempers always fray rows happen movable objects get thrown, the heavier more valuable and above all the more important the better.

I've reached the stage of thinking I won't bother I will take me and my cats and dogs and leave the rest to sink into the everlasting bog.

Maybe I will take just a few things those I really like or have an emotional attachment to or bought to take to the new house when I get it and maybe the new washing machine when I get it I'm damn sure I can't wait two or three months to do the washing. I may live like a tramp but I have to have clean sheets and clothes. 

More of the Same

Not a bad day but not a good one either. It didn't rain but I did get a letter making another appointment at the hospital.

Yet another scan.

I worry about it frankly they scare me and its kind of hard to think of anything else. Nerves already frayed are not up to dealing with all the possibilities none of them very good, but hopefully none of them as bad as I feared yesterday.

Not good.

Stress Day

Bit of a nerve wracking day first because I had to go to the doctor to get the result of the MRI scan I had last week, that in itself was a cause for concern since doctors don't tell you much over the phone.

Next I was going to get a cab but couldn't so had to walk into town and that was another although minor worry. Its the first time I've walked so far since getting out of hospital I wasn't even sure I could walk that far so I took the walking stick to lean on if needed.

Fortunately the walking stick wasn't needed I strolled into town and on to the doctors surgery with no problems. The doctors surgery was packed and included six children all toddlers and all noisy. I'm not good with children when I'm worried but I managed to conceal my irritation. I was quite pleased with myself! Surgeries are full of sick people and some of us don't like noise when we're worrying.

It was relatively good news. I have this and I have that I also have an abscess and a cyst in unexpected and internal places but there was no dreaded 'C' word. Not a hint of cancer and of course I did ask! I'm back on blood tests but unless I hear differently my next hospital appointment is exactly where it was before the MRI and that has to be good news I think. I hope.

Specialist What?

Years ago pervert, pederast and paedophile Leon Brittan was shunted off to Europe He was to be a commissioner of something or other. The move was touted as a great opportunity a kind of promotion, but not to me I didn’t believe it nor I’m certain did many others who had heard the rumours and watched him wriggle.

He was caught. I thought at the time that the cabinet must have come to the conclusion he was too hot to hold so he was being booted out of the cabinet, the British parliament and the UK. He was sent off to extremely well paid anonymity in Europe and he did indeed fester there for some years. The Gods alone know what he did in his spare time while he was there.

The main stream media (MSM) had lost interest in him at a time when they should have been most alert to his crimes and that too was my first inkling that the MSM was not so much independent as obedient as long as it was in their own interest. The hue and cry died down and the paedophile and pederasts of the Westminster elite continued raping children as though they had never been interrupted.

Now much of it has been forced into the public arena again, the government has been forced to announce a historical inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse. I think its true to say that many of us believe the inquiry has been nobbled from the start but it and its new chairperson deserve a chance to prove us wrong.

This latest furore is the successful result of five or six years effort by the alternative media who have led a sustained attack including persuading some victims to speak out. It has been a fantastic and at long last successful effort loaded with facts and now almost anything that comes out of the inquiry that is biased or in any way prejudiced can be immediately countered by the facts. The important thing is to keep up with the inquiry and thoroughly examine any and all evidence produced.

Inevitably the study, which is what for some it has become, of child sexual abuse is both harrowing and frightening we allowed it. We effectively stood by while blatant lies were told both in court and in parliament there is now no hiding place but what that means is those who study and observe CSA are wounded by it.

How do we deal with those wounds? Do we run to so called specialists or do we figure it out for ourselves as indeed most of the victims have had to do while we the selfishly ignorant public refused to acknowledge what we didn’t want to see?

I am to say the least sceptical of so called counselors if they get on the right gravy train its a nice little earner and think of the implications of that counselors need victims of abuse to be victims or they don’t get paid its as simple as that, they also need to ‘cure’ the victims and how the hell they do that is anyones guess.

Researching, studying, listening to victims is difficult but I don’t believe its made easier by going to a counselor. No counselor can change what happened nor can they offer anything more than acceptance of the past and move on to the future, but none of us can leave our past behind if there is no resolution no justice particularly those who have been so wounded by the actions of paedophiles and pederasts.

There is a place for counseling of course there is but arguably if you need to get counseling because you’re so traumatised by what others were forced to endure? You need to find a hobby that doesn’t include real life horror and real victims

I’m probably in a minority of one on this subject and frankly I don’t give a fuck If one child endured physical and emotional horrors I as an adult can damn well listen and be fully supportive without needing to run for help to get me through the pain someone else suffered. and I don’t lack imagination I would simply be as I am determined to speak out at every opportunity. Many dislike my attitude Hey they disliked it from the start. I aint going nowhere: Get used to it.

Unwell Update - Improving

I think I should do this one not because there is anything interesting to report but because it kind of rounds things up.

Being in hospital deceives the body. In hospital I felt almost fine. I was worried about my cats and dogs and desperate to get home. I was convinced I would go home and slip right into my old routine.

Nothing like that happened! I slipped right into bed I got up after a couple of hours sleep made some tea watched the laptop and after an hour or so again went back to bed. I worked out I was spending two hours in bed for every one hour I was up and that lasted most of last week.

I’m astonished and frustrated at how weak I was and how weak I still am, but I am much better I can now stay up admittedly not doing very much for as long as three or four hours at a time. I don’t expect my next trip to town to be as exhausting as the last one was but sure that was the day after I got home and I was shattered. I’m almost looking forward to going to Castlebar soon or I would be if I wasn’t going for another test at the hospital. I’m nervous of the test its actually some sort of scan. It worries me. I mean why?

Being so weak is alien to me For most of my working life I did two jobs I was always rushing and although that stopped when I came here, its almost impossible to find one job never mind two and anyway I didn’t find a job. I was always the same person but not anymore. Now I need to stop and think about how to do things so that I won’t get stuck half way through.

Its not tired although I get tired easily its physical weakness the inability to do things I’ve always done. I don’t know how long it will last but I do know I’m improving and that’s what matters right?

I think it may help if I explain one or two of the little problems caused by ignoring septicemia for more than three weeks: Doctors thought I had had a small stroke tests later proved I had apparently had two. I’m told these were caused by heart problems and the heart problems were caused, you guessed it, by the appalling and really dangerous septicemia.

Thankfully there are no outward signs of such serious problems but I do now have to take tablets for the rest of my life one is for diabetes which I’m told may have been the cause of the original septicemia, and the other is to try and prevent another stroke.

Imagine my joy.

She Was Asking For It

Is one of the most famous/infamous sayings in the English or any other language it has been used by every wife beater and rapist to justify their crime.

One of the latest examples is a pervert on death row in India. It likes to tell anyone who will listen that the girl it and its accomplices raped so badly she died was asking for it because she was out after nine pm, because she was with her boyfriend and because she got on the bus it was on with its accomplices who included the bus driver.

What should be shocking but knowing the perpetrators it isn’t is that the phrase has also been used to justify the attacks on me. Its happened several times so not a one off but something that’s been discussed and agreed among them.

The last time it was used was last night the time before that Mark gave a mangled version which added up to the same thing and throughout my emails there are other versions all adding up to the ‘She Was Asking For it’ defence.

Nonsense and deliberately offensive nonsense at that but what is interesting and what as usual this gang of perverts have apparently failed to notice is the admission contained within the phrase of how serious the crimes they committed are.

Its not a silly game its serious criminal offences which include taking and sharing illegal images, hacking and destroying emails and other material on my laptop, stalking, voyeurism and giving my address to members of their ‘community’, home invasion and so on.

Counselors

Are not people I refer to or speak of often its probably because I don’t trust or even like the sound of those I’ve heard about. To me they all have vested interests and one of them is to keep the money rolling in. To do that most counselors need funding and that comes from government or local authority sometimes both.

Some years ago there was a huge debate about child abuse I began to comment and really and truthfully as far as I can tell it was during and after that debate that most counselors became child abuse experts. It became and still is very trendy to be a child abuse expert.

In most cases counselors like probation officers and social workers are the most politically correct narcissists you will find anywhere they are all full of their own expertise, dismissive even contemptuous of anyone who hasn’t got the required degree, if you think about that its another vested interest. The job is not about change its about acceptance and the so called and so loved moving on.

I have grown to be contemptuous of counselors.

UNWELL UPDATE – HOW WRONG IS IT POSSIBLE TO BE WITHOUT DYING?

I don’t know but I do know I came close. The reasons I’m so reluctant to go to the doctor or anyone in town are written about throughout this blog so no need at the moment to repeat them here besides I’m not sure how long the strength or concentration will last and I do want to break the duck and get this first attempt at writing since coming home done.

I thought I was getting better genuinely and now obviously seen as part of the delirium. I woke to find myself on the floor thinking of blue berries. I had and still have no idea how I got on the floor all I can say for sure is that it took ages to get up and had to be worked at by crawling to the right spot to be able to lean on something heavy without toppling.

I thought I was getting better surely no one who dreams of blue berries is getting worse right? My sister wonderful girl disagreed. She contacted my cousin wonderful man and he decided to take me straight to the doctor who gave a letter saying admission.

I was quite happy I was getting better! At Mayo General Hospital there was a queue in casualty but not to worry I was put on a trolley and swept right through the crush. Tests started immediately and continued throughout the night. I was duly admitted put on various intravenous drips and swept up to the ward where I was not a good patient.

I was on the ward for a week and a half and all day every day I complained that I wanted to go home. I said and I’m quoting that it was my job to be in their face 24/7 until I went home. I am as some will already know very, very good at being a real pain in the posterior and various other delicate places. Today four days after getting home I did some actual washing up then I went to bed.

Never, ever! Ignore the signs. I will write more later tired now