Ooooh, and here I get all unglued because I can’t decide on the best word, the right cliche, to describe what I feel toward some people. I really can’t I’ve gone through disgusting, contemptible, hate, actually I don’t hate them there are some I really feel sorry for but that’s on a kinda scale one day they’re up there with the most pathetic, sorrowful, incompetent losers in the world and the next they’re back among the dregs of all life forms I mean amoebas have more intelligence and sensitivity.
I recall that soon after I began blogging regularly on here someone said I was part of a community now. I couldn’t decide how to deal with that. How could anyone imagine I would want to join a community I was in the habit of referring to as a gang, and yet I was obviously expected to settle in become one of the gang.
Another one after what? three years of abuse cries, anonymously of course, “let me be your friend!” As if after such a prolonged period of hostility such a thing could even be a thought.
Then there are those who seem to think I’ll be happy if one or other of them throws me an occasional nod or wink. Ye Gods…
And there are those who never tire of telling all and sundry their interminable tales of woe, one or two are really good at it, every crisis that they can’t give any details about but can nevertheless assure us was the worst, most excruciating emotional battering they have ever experienced and if only they were not the most timid, sensitive, compassionate of souls they would have stood up for themselves.
Honestly its all I can do not to remind them all why I will never trust them and nor should they if they have any sense trust each other.
For all of them knew what was happening to me, several of them have been spotted outside my house or further down the same road. One is a neighbour and he actually seemed to think that telling me “Its alright!” would calm me down, cure my anxiety and make me happy to go along with this ‘little joke’.
In the real world nothing could be less likely and that’s the thing why would anyone think I would laugh at illegal photography, home invasion and stalking and that’s leaving out all the other criminality and sheer ignorant spite.
A relative says I must go to the authorities immediately but that’s not my way I don’t think I’ve ever done anything ‘immediately’ It all always does get done and so will this.
The so sensitive can’t say boo to a goose one but who managed to get here to gawp at my house without a thought for the human inside needs to remember that because I won’t be forgetting her or those who slither out of the crevices to support her they are as guilty as she.
How did such crimes not only happen but be shared and either encouraged or tolerated among so many? I don’t know but I’m wondering if it could be because the members of the community are not just alone they’re lonely and so cling to their community for companionship and support afraid that if they speak out they will return to the outsider they have always been.
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