Has them I know that, bad days or in my case worse than the other bad days, there is a feeling of apprehension, not fear exactly or if it is its an unknown, unquantifiable anxiety.
Fear is relatively easy to deal with you get irritated with it make your dislike known and change the subject or if necessary the person.
Its the invisible internal apprehension that is much harder even to get a grip of and so far impossible to move away from.
There is never a day when I don’t feel trapped, never a moment when I’m not worried about cameras, neighbours and death threats, and some days are worse than others.
Its easy to tell yourself the death threats are silly they are meaningless just yet another way of expressing dislike, but in three years of abuse all I’ve ever threatened anyone with is the truth and a walking stick. Its not in me to make cowardly threats of murder.
Some days are worse than others. I rarely mention my family but they are becoming impatient they say I’ve plenty of evidence I must use it and stop this.
But would it stop or would there be a period of escalation before it actually ended and could I cope with more harassment?
No one should wake and before all else worry about how or where to dress. No one should ask a very reasonable, in the circumstances, question and as a reply see a wreath. I don’t need that and I know I’ve got to end it.
Some days are worse than others.
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