ISIS Shock and Awe in Paris

It was hard to choose a picture the same colours appeared in almost every country. The famous landmarks of each country lit up to represent support for France and if we're not very careful war to every Muslim country.

Holy war

Not seen for centuries but the beginnings of it were visible in France and elsewhere and its maybe something some Islamist's don't fully understand. Western countries look and often behave in a secular even decadent manner because they can and its both fun and liberating. Until disaster strikes and then people light candles and place flowers both symbols of Christianity and if that isn't enough many go to church.

Christianity is old, older than Islam its presence in our lives is taken for granted even ignored most of the time but most people still get married in church, children are Christened in church, people are buried in Christian cemeteries and when tragedy strikes its the church people turn to and that turning has been happening for some time. Its visible in the growing anger at attempts to turn Christmas into 'the holidays'  as if acknowledging and respecting the core of western civilisation is somehow offensive. Christmas is back and we must all hope that the crusades don't return with it.

I think many Muslims are being taught that all they have to do is keep having children in time they will out number Christians, Atheists, Hindus, Buddhists Jews and everyone else. I believe before that happens there will be a bigger more destructive war than ever before lived through.

In many Mosques, ignorant ill educated Imams tell the followers they must not listen to non Muslims, they must not educate their children in the ways of other religions and most important they must obey Sharia law first. In some countries its worked if you look at some Asian countries Pakistan, Bangladesh for eg Islam is the biggest most aggressive religion treating non Muslims as lesser beings, but Islam is no respecter of Muslims either poor Muslims are treated almost as badly and slavery allowed in Islam is more or less normal. Muslims who believe they can take over Christian countries are treading and taking their followers down a very dangerous path.

In every war there have been what used to be called conscientious objectors and there were obviously some who sided with the enemy. All were dealt with ruthlessly in WW2 conscientious objectors were sent to prison or other out of the way places where they could do no harm, Nazi sympathisers either learned fast or were treated as enemy spies. Its not hard those who see an ineffectual politically correct police force and believe that's all there is are gullible fools there's a lot more all of it life threatening and the very beginnings of it are visible today on the streets of Paris.

I make no secret of despising Islam I want it banned. I want the burka and every religious head covering banned with it. I want to know gloves are worn because its cold not because a woman thinks showing her actual hands is a temptation too far for the uncontrollable male and I want every male who dares suggest such a thing thrown behind bars for the safety of all women and children.

But! I don't want the people of Islam hurt I want them to recognise and dispose of Islam the religion almost all of them were born to and had no choice about joining. I believe that in Muslim countries and all over the world women are the first and most tragic of Islams victims. I don't believe women want their daughter of eight or nine married off to a man in his forties and I don't believe women want their sons raised to believe their mother is no more than a slave to male demands.

I do believe that before a hostile Christian population allows Muslims to take over there will be a horrible and deadly confrontation

Paedophile A Victim?

About four years ago a man was recommended to me as a painter, decorator, odd job man. The man always bothered me in some ways he seemed almost child like, silly stuff like loving to flash the cash just to let you see he had some!

He wasn’t a great worker and he was a thief so obviously not one of my better choices even if he was recommended: always trust your instinct.

Gradually I discovered the man had a criminal conviction as far as I know it was and still is just one conviction but its for sexually assaulting young girls and that makes all the difference. If I’d known at the time I would never have given him the job.

It kind of leaks into a matter that’s bothered me for a long while.

What happens in a small town when someone is convicted of child abuse? There have been stories of paedophiles being attacked, driven from their homes and generally isolated. None of those things happened in this case but when I look back at the events I see his vulnerability and from there its possible to see similarities with the infamous cover ups of politician and establishment child abusers and those who protect them.

As soon as a paedophile is known and recognised he/she become vulnerable. I have no time or sympathy for any child abuser but if you think about it as soon as a paedophile is identified he or she is at risk and so as has been pointed out by others the paedophile becomes no more than a slave to his ‘protectors’.

Many paedophiles lose contact with family and few people outside the family will have anything to do with known paedophiles. If the paedophile had friends as soon as the crime is discovered the friends drop them as if they never existed.

Its a double tragedy, first and most important a child is harmed sometimes beyond recovery, a long way behind that is the paedophile, maybe friendless, maybe desperate. Its possible to feel the paedophiles tragedy but I would never, ever support or offer any kind of friendship however remote to a child abuser and that confirms the tragedy.

The last time I saw the painter and decorator he literally and I really mean literally, ran away from me. I found myself feeling sorry for him because I knew that our previous contact, he called me, was at the instigation and in the presence of the ‘friend’ who recommended him to me someone with a sick sense of humour thought it was funny and the poor man felt obliged to obey. How sick is that?

The paedophile has few choices he can move try to start again or he can try to carry on in his home area. I don’t feel sorry for paedophiles there’s no room for that but I can see how vulnerable they are and how easy it must be to manipulate them, and that leads to the reason why some politicians and maybe some sick people find keeping a dirty little secret useful.

Halloween

Its that time again, again!

So many people I've loved and lost and can't and never will stop loving.

The Bridge (Reflections)

There's a bridge its rough and old and barely fit
When I walk home its there I sit
Old rocks grimy, black and grey
A bench to rest and pass a day
Listening to ripples remembering a dream
Watching the sunlight caught in the stream

Watching ripples flow through the glow
Listening to quarrels of ebb and flow
Thinking of what I forgot to buy
What was I thinking to walk right by
Looking for the dream? in row of tins
Holding my head up trying not to give in

Its not hate too complex for that
Its shock and pain and grief
The impotent rage of disbelief
Welling up
Rushing out
A grief too deep to talk about
Sitting on the bridge watching
The stream splutter and splatter
The end of the dream

Listening to the ripples
A few feet below
Desperate to get away
Any where Just go

Go home light a fire
Watch the flames dance
The ripple and glow its almost a trance
Remember the days of laughter and love
It feels long ago and now its all done

Pain rushes back
No time to remember
No chance to forget
Rage in a bubble watch the glitter and shake
Needles of memories of insult and hate
Looking down from the bridge
At the hustle and bustle of storm tossed twigs

Biding

That’s what we’re doing me and the addict who is going through a very disgruntled withdrawal. She has at various times during the last 48 hours sat on my lap, stolen my chair, refused her breakfast, dinner and tea and is currently camped at my feet not to be comfortable or affectionate you understand. The little addict is at my feet so she can stare unblinking and half starved up into my face and put me right off everything.

I finally gave in and did ‘it’. In the early hours of this morning I ordered some more they should arrive in the next hour or three, and I strongly suspect that until they do arrive I’m going to continue getting the ‘look’. I can’t stand it. Its bad for me nerves.

So I thought since its impossible to concentrate I might as well come here and whinge. It is in spite of, although personally I suspect its hugely because of, the usual suspects.

Recently (ish) I’ve noticed something not at all interesting more what you might call and I definitely do call deliberately irritating. Its wives I hate the very sound and look of them and I hate them more than I hate the actual members of the criminal gang. I mean I can understand some desperate oul hag taking, if not actually demanding, the first and only offer they’re ever likely to get. Oh, lets call it ‘she’ even if anything less female is hard to imagine, but I can’t understand any of em remaining married to a psycho pervert. To me its confirmation of shared perversion.

Do I want to know the pervs are married? In my world and in my experience most people are married I had to come to Ireland to learn that some women escaped from Irish men and married civilised people. This is not in itself a problem, the women unquestionably did the right thing and good luck to em. What it means however and what I had to live here to learn is that a disproportionate number of middle aged/elderly Irish men are still single into their sixties and from where I’m sitting it looks in spite of all the evidence like every one of em is scared shitless a woman, for all I know any woman, wants em!

When I was young I was busy doing interesting stuff with boys of my own age and then I progressed to affairs with married men which I actually preferred. I’m really not a willing domestic, nor after all these years am I much domesticated. I as must be obvious by now share my home with my cats and dogs I don’t share with men or women and as for cooking their breakfast. Huh!

The truth however reluctant men are to hear it is women are better at being alone and over time its we who become less and less willing to share our bed or our lives. Its really the selfishness that comes with being used to independence whatever the downside and there must be some being independent has the enormous advantage of not having to compromise and remember compromise includes everything from what to eat, whats on tv or what colour we paint the damn hall. Its a biggie!

Imagine my annoyance when little ‘hints’ are dropped like farts into the airflow. It is as I’ve said irritating. One is as fat as lard and much fatter than me. I’m sure he does what his master tells him and I’m certain his wife is and has always been a very poor last.

Another one came to Ireland with what sounds like an Irish woman, read a couple of Irish history books written by the Irish of course and promptly decided he should have been Irish and he would do his best to correct the divine mistake by joining the IRA not up front and in your face. Oh no, secretly so he could carry on working and not get arrested for being a prize prat.

There’s really only one that none of the above applies to not because he wouldn’t have done it, he’s done everything else, but because he cant on any given day decide if he’s Arthur, Martha or Juliette.

I’ve had enough of them all they know what I want and anyone with a working grey cell would know its not them.

I have broached the subject of selling this hovel both to family who have long wanted me to shake the bog off my heels and to one or two people in town. Sale is going to happen mind you with the Irish property market the way in spite of the spin it still is that may not be in this century.

Maggie

Aww the baby. She is a holy terror, gives off the most misleading, grovelling vibes, I’m sure its deliberate because the truth is she is the most stubborn determined tenacious little tyke ever.

She has discovered she can climb on my chair I did try to discourage her and it worked for all of about five minutes she simply does not give up. Little girl is a natural lap dog but she is afraid of heights so the lap is safe as long as she can’t reach.

Thing about that is its no longer working. Its taken a while but she has at last discovered jumping. All she has to do is keep leaping and holding until she gets a proper grip and sufficient height.

She’s on my lap I'm soft when I need hard and what with Ollie going deaf I sometimes sound quite loud too. it doesn’t work. Little girl plays humble but she never gives in. Last evening I had two cats and one Maggie on my lap. I know I could lose some weight but really my lap is not that big. I was squashed.

Not one of them would give way and get the hell down.

Some people are fooled by all the grovelling, tummy exposing and fawning as though they think poor Maggie is afraid of the merest whisper. Don’t be fooled. Little girl holds her own, has stolen Jezzies bed and steals Ollie and Jezzies food.

Stubborn little girl may have been mistreated in the past I really don’t know but I do know she has put it behind her.

Corbyn

I didn’t want him elected leader of the Labour party not because I dislike him or most of his policies the reason I didn’t want him to win is much more painful: he reminds me of Michael Foot who I liked very much. He was a good man, a great politician and a hopeless leader. It wasn’t that his opinions were wrong they were not Michael Foot just seemed unable to understand the difference between being a back bench conviction politician and being the leader of a major political party.

I have the same feeling about Jeremy Corbyn with one or two added reservations. He did ignore the child sexual abuse tragedy in Islington and he did condemn Geoffrey Dickens for raising the subject of child sexual abuse in parliament. Not good enough particularly from the leader of a political party. And there is his age. He’s sixty six its not too late to make a success of his leadership but its cutting it fine and seventy is not too old to lead a general election campaign I hope his health holds because he is taking on a challenging position and a leadership election close to a general election would not be ideal.

Having said that Jeremy Corbyn does have the opportunity to make real progress. The Conservative party won the general election but they are not popular in the unthinking way Margaret Thatcher was for so long. If Corbyn can emphasize the difference between himself and David Cameron he has a great opportunity to close the gap and even take the lead.

Yesterday was his first opportunity and his first mistake. He attended an event commemorating the Battle of Britain and declined to join in the national anthem. As a conviction politician he is entitled to his views as leader of the Labour party his personal views don’t count in any but exceptional circumstances. If his PR team and I do hope he has one have any common sense at all they will make clear that whilst he is not changing his republican atheist position he will not use his leadership to promote what the majority of his party and the country disagree with since to do so would be a betrayal of democracy and that is what he should also say to questions about any previous and possibly controversial issues.

I wish Jeremy Corbyn luck even though some of his opinions and some members of his cabinet irritate the hell out of me.

I was in two minds about writing this, not only do some people think I can’t write they also think I should stay away from politics because as they are always eager to inform me I’m too stupid to understand. Fuck em I write what I like because I want to write it not because I’m looking for praise or even readers.

I Shouldna Done it

But it wasn't a bad day and I want to get back into the habit of walking Its important because when I do get somewhere civilised I don't want to be an invalid. At my age if you don't use it you definitely lose something but not around the waist that tends to gain quite a lot.

I had to go I'd forgotten some shopping and was running low on interesting stuff like milk. The walk into town was good not windy or rainy admittedly cloud was low and the sky was rather more than fifty shades of gray but it was still pleasant enough and easy walking.

Being me by the time I arrived the bank had shut for lunch this is Ireland all day banking is something that happens elsewhere. I wandered along to my local grocers and did not a lot of shopping. This may have been a mistake but it was an important part of my grand plan to walk into town several days a week, firm up some muscles and lose weight.

So far so good I did my wee bit of shopping and turned for home, and it was still pleasant enough I was strolling which if you're walking to lose weight is not the best way to do it. Walking needs purpose not speed but intention don't dawdle that doesn't work. Regardless of knowing that I nevertheless strolled along quite content until I noticed my feet they were beginning to ache.

By this time I'd left the town and passed the only bench on the entire walk I carried on not exactly limping but not exactly walking either I think it was more of a shuffle. It was slow very slow.  At last I got to the spot where I always stop I stayed longer than I usually do my feet by then were quite sore I could almost have set up camp with more enthusiasm.

At last I started the last lap of the walk hobbling along looking at my feet I didn't notice anyone until a voice called me by name. I'd reached one of the outlying houses I looked up and there was an elderly man twiddling with machinery. At first I thought he was someone I know, I must get new glasses or at least wear the ones I've got, but he had called me by name so assuming I knew him wasn't wrong he certainly knew me.

We chatted for no more than a few minutes I was getting annoyed with him he wasn't who I had thought and he was quite a rude person and however old and decrepit he maybe he's not someone I've any wish to meet again.  Its that thing do you see Ireland is so local almost everyone knows your name they don't need to know you they'll fill in any gaps with fiction or whatever the neighbours told them.

The truth is England isn't like that in England strangers probably won't say hello even if they know your name but nor will they be rude for no reason there's still a kind of courtesy or in a lot of still English places there is but England is changing fast and since it must be five years since I was there it may have developed a casual rudeness as well.

Oh my feet ached and my back ached and between feet and back I'd not much thought to spare for anything else. I got home realised I wasn't going to rush back into town tomorrow and felt it would have been a good idea to stick to one way only and get a cab home. For now.

Immigrants, Refugees or Both

Migrants face Hungarian police in the main Eastern Railway station in Budapest, Hungary, September 1, 2015. REUTERS/Laszlo Balogh

The pictures are of Calais, Hungary and Greece and I’m really glad the woman landing in Greece managed to bring her Iphone but at least she is a woman one of the few.

There are refugees among them of course there are but there are also economic migrants and some of them will be terrorists, rapists or murderers.

All immigrants including asylum seekers have got to be properly registered and checked and that is the reason some migrants rioted they didn’t want to be checked I find that suspicious.

The question is if its too dangerous for young men to stay why did they leave the women behind they know that if they are caught by ISIS the women will be treated worse than men.

Another fact is more than 83,000 young people in the UK are homeless thousands more are ex military what publicity is there for them, and think of the cuts to benefits thousands of people have had sickness and/or disability payments cut what about them more cuts?

The main stream media have been doing a great job showing pictures that would wring all heart strings but they’ve not been telling the whole truth.

My Home Town

Canning Town in London at the end of WW2. Its where I grew up. The British had nowhere to run they took it because they had to and the young men who left their families were not running to safety they joined and were conscripted into the armed forces.

In the UK there was strict rationing it might have been easier in some rural areas to get some extra food but through most of the country rationing was strict people went without and it continued into the early nineteen fifties.

I have some sympathy for refugees but none for economic migrants and none for those migrants who refused food because it came in boxes with a cross on them.

ISIS are boasting they've sent thousands of terrorists to the EU and looking at the pictures of the young men its not hard to think they could.

Would You Drink from the Fountain of Youth

If there were a real Fountain of Youth, would you drink the water?

Sure wouldn’t we all love a glass of whatever it is in the fountain of youth.

Or would we?

Its not the flight or the trek up the goat track to the top of the mountain in Tibet although getting me up anything higher than a curb would be interesting and probably involve heavy goods vehicles.

No, its not the trek and its not the thought of getting back down again I mean who knows if all our bits stay put if we fall down the goat track or off the edge One can’t be certain about these things, a limb might hang in lively and lonely limbo for centuries.

No its not the though of being minus a bit although I definitely wouldn’t want to lose a foot or a leg, fat lot of good living forever would be if you end up minus an arm, or worse paraplegic.

No, its not the thought of having to move every thirty or forty years, minimum, which one would have to do to make sure there are no jealous neighbours to take a few litres of the fountain of youth out of your neck or worse.

No, the reason I wouldn’t take a glass of the fountain of youth is family and friends there is no way I ever want to outlive all of my family, all of my friends. Its no good saying there would always be more there wouldn’t not of my generation, not with my memories.

Only think if you could continue to have children you would have to watch all of them die or do a runner when they reached thirty or so. If not they might find out or get suspicious Is there enough of the fountain of youth to go round? You know in perpetuity?

No, I’ve seen enough of the madness, meanness and duplicity of people if I can’t be with the people I know, love and trust I don’t want to be.

Source of Picture:  http://missoulian.com/news/state-and-regional/fwp-finds-fewer-mountain-goats-in-bitterroot-canyons/article_f6204775-4aad-5c50-bbbc-f97ad6a44c9a.html

Whilst searching for this picture I couldn’t help but notice the number of pictures there are of people with dead goats apparently a perfectly harmless goat is some sort of desirable hunting trophy, there are savages among us and they’re all on two feet.

Stressed

Not sure why, there's the usual suspects of course they're never far away but today I think its more than that.

There's the big electricity bill, my fault I knew it was estimated for months and I kept meaning to do something about it and then I kept forgetting: typical.

There's forgetting to pay the gardener that's in triple figures now but at least today I remembered to phone him that's something done right but its not enough.

There's the hedge which is in need of trimming but like everything else I keep putting it off not precisely forgetting more not bothering.

There's the windows which should have been painted by the piss poor pervert decorator before he buggered off I don't want to bother now I want to move.

There's missing the post man who had a delivery and left a note because I was out that's irritating me because I made myself late dithering about when I should have been getting ready.

There's the washing, I did some and left some I should have done all of it

Oh well none of its earth shattering most of its no more than the usual so why the stress?

I don't know maybe its guilty conscience or maybe  its just some days are like that.

Wishes

If dreams were wishes and wishes cream true

We all wish though some might call it pray. I wish for wishes three’s a minimum

First, for most would surely be good health, for everyone what good is it to be healthy if everyone you know and love is as old as you and sick?

Second, weel, in my case that would have to be a house in England in Essex near the sea. close enough to family to see them but not so close to get bored or argue.

Third, oh has to be happiness what good is everything else if we are unhappy?

Naturally there are more I could start picking at it a push here a prod there, when I was young my wishes might probably were different but not so much. One thing I’ve noticed is as I age I become more myself not less.

If is an obstacle
That stands in the way
If it wasn’t for If
I’d be rich today

My Mum used to say that Her wealth was in her family She was rich

Anathema to Me?

But you remembered a word
Why?
Didn’t expect it of me
Why not?
A world in a word
Why even bother?
Pain in a word
Why would you care?

Inspiration’s a funny old thing
Its not love
But it could be
Its not hate
But it could be
Its all of everything

Its inspiration
In a cloud
A rose
Poor spelling
Terrible grammar
Is fury

Stressed

I'm always stressed. It has to have been one of the main reasons I became ill, it was definitely the only reason I didn't go to the doctor and had to be rushed to hospital.

I long ago took measures to try to ensure my safety but it didn't stop the threats or give a real sense of security and that was before I knew how close the enemies were or they invaded my home.

I want to leave when I get away I will be able to relax and if I want to get a job I will get one. I can see no reason why both shouldn't be possible.

A debt must be paid nothing no other cause, mistake or illness will get in the way of that.

Good!

Some sign of improvement and good, potentially very good, news.  I'm certain its what many including me wish, hope and pray for, and who knows perhaps a reason for an easing of understandable stress.

I'm not entirely convinced I believe any of it, I know this adversary of old, but if any of it is true this mornings communications indicate a better if still conflicted frame of mind.

There has been some great upheaval but the heavy lifting is almost over now and perhaps is part of the reason for the more conciliatory rapprochement.

No we are not friends but I wish no one harm, may all those I know thrive in a loving, welcoming environment.

As Expected

Of course I knew it would be misunderstood probably deliberately.

I’m not friends with any of the people who abused me for so long, who committed crimes for laughs, its an indication of their density that they should think so.

Someone went too far and I said so and because I am permanently angry with the transgressor I said so forcefully and I’m sorry to say with some malice. Obviously I was not alone in expressing outrage and I hope there have been a few more apologies if others were as or more outspoken than I.

And that’s it your’re not my friend we are not even friendly, over almost six years you have demonstrated real cruelty and insult. Drop the superior attitude you’re behaving like a sulky child, regardless of what any gods say you are like so many, including me at times, guilty of wounding for the sake of it.

This is not new you’ve been angry for days the reason could be exhaustion, ill health or something that happened at some meeting or other. Or it could be a combination of all the above.

There’s nothing unfortunate or unexpected it may have escaped your notice but I didn’t apologise for you I did so for me. I hate hurting people whoever they are and however vicious they have been. If any good comes out of this it could be you are learning what it feels like to be hurt in such a distant and yet real and personal way. If that is so you may yet benefit from this storm in a tea cup.

Sorry

I was angry I regret that I may, there's no guarantee, have upset someone more than I intended, but being honest I did intend to hurt and I regret that.

I'm not going to make any excuses something angered me and I let rip in a very feminine and spiteful way. I'm very good at feminine and spiteful.

I think what I wanted to do was make someone think and maybe offer their own correspondent a brief apology, what I didn't want or expect was that the rubber ducks, soap, face cloths and even the baby would be chucked out with the proverbial bath water.

I don't want that. I kind of hope the reaction was must have been because I wasn't the only complainant its not as if anything I write is ever greeted with anything but derision so I think perhaps I might be right about that.

I don't want to make excuses the first was fine (ish) and the second wasn't too bad but the third, over several days, was sheer spite and I knew it.

Sorry

I'm So Annoyed!

I am its not good enough I have got to improve!

Four weeks ago or thereabouts I went into town and at my local shop I asked after the neighbour who had moved.  A few days later my ex neighbour sent me a get well card with her new address on it.

The next week I went into town and bought a card for her. I went to the post office intending to write a short note, buy a stamp, post the card and get some cash for the gardener chappie.. I forgot.

Last week I went into town intending to buy a stamp, post the card and get some cash for the gardener chappie. I forgot.

Yesterday I went into town to buy a stamp, post the card and get some cash for the gardener chappie. I forgot.

I also forgot to get various mundane items of shopping.

Its not new I've always had an appallingly bad mad memory its one of the reasons I save everything I can't trust myself to remember it you see. I hardly ever remember a birthday or send Christmas or any other cards on time or at all.

Hopeless, absolutely fucking hopeless.

Now I have to go into town again and I don't like that I don't like that at all. I'm so angry I could spit nails.

Looking on the bright side I have at last and at least written the note and addressed the card all I have to do now is buy the damn stamp and get the cash for the gardener chappie. Even better and even in the pouring rain which it was and is my only excuse, I did see the child molesters employment advisers wife. She is so top heavy I'm amazed she can stand upright.

There's a Plan?

Is there I'm not sure I think there is a grand desire for me to restrict myself to writing about my cats and dogs, apart from that and the oft expressed wish to kill me I doubt there is a plan even though there is evidently much discussion.

Its not going to happen what is going to happen is I will expand my activities.

I will become anonymous or at least untraceable. The dark net beckons as does Tor and if I relocate with no agreement reached I will go my own way and do my own thing my own way.

Its not a threat nor a lie its a promise those who think they're experts because daddy fucked them will find out how wrong they are, those who think they speak for all because one teacher taught them all he knew will find out there is much more to learn.

I have spent time discovering identities, motives and the sickness that consumes some victims. Some victims become abusers not always of children although there is always that risk, some become alcoholics, drug addicts and sexually inadequate, some become sadists assuaging their own pain in the dirty pleasure of making others suffer.

Its not as though the big blogging co's are the only ones or as if YouTube is the only video channel there are so many outlets on social media now that Twitter the parent of them all is losing followers as real people grow weary of the endless views of under employed journalists, the fake accounts, fake battles and the fake alliances.

I'm tired of the fake Pagans and their superiority complex. Of course its American most Europeans and other countries are well aware of the real history of paganism, witchcraft and satanism.

Opportunities have been given times without number and its still possible but I've reached the not caring either way stage. Its retribution I want and one way or another I will take it.

Oh, and the invader who drove into my garden better watch out for cameras.

Cilla Black 27/05/1943 - 02/08/2015

I saw the headline and a shiver went through me. I was never a fan I thought she was as fake as a nine bob note but she was part of my youth and her death reminded me youth is gone and we of those heady wonderful indomitable sixties are become fragile.

I hate it I wish she would have died quietly, silently in secret. I know I’m selfish and maybe heartless although I don’t think so I think the heart beats a little louder and more fearfully with each death of my generation.

Its not Elvis who was older and died of willful neglect or John Lennon murdered by a lunatic. It was death by natural causes and that’s what made me shiver. My generation are so much closer to natural causes now.

Would You Adam & Eve it!

A cow, could've been a bull, in my garden!  It left clumping great hoof holes all over the bog ridden ground. It set the dogs on kill alert and it made me laugh out loud.

The farmer who had to round up this solitary and obviously dangerous creature was not I think the one who allowed it to escape its field. Oh no I believe that disaster is down to the neighbour from hell. Its his field the escapee got out of, not that I blame the poor cow I've been trying to get out for ages and I have to admit with considerably less success.

Cows, could've been a bull, are far more curious than city people (me) might believe, they are always interested in everything very much like the neighbour from hell which, who knows could be where the cow gets it from that one being known for his curiosity about things that are none of his business or concern.

Anyway I had to do a, I'm not physically strong, repair job on one of the fences there are two both by the child molester handyman one is beyond my reach I'm no climber and I don't like stinging nettles or things that fly and crawl in weeds. The other is about 15 feet inside my garden and covered in weeds and stinging nettles. The cow had to get down the mound that is part of the ring forte, over a fence across a mountain of weeds and over the second fence. All the fresh green and very wet almost submerged grass must have been a strong attraction.

Talking of not physically strong I'm worn out with the stress of it all time to take a break for an hour. Or so.

Enigma?!

If I had to guess I would say it all seemed to be about illness, death and the affection I feel for my cats and dogs.

Right.

That's when it gets all runny isn't it, there was never any affection for me It was all a sick joke that got out of control.

The reason it got out of control is because people in control of themselves don't usually hack computers, delete emails and other personal material, steal, invade property, share illegal images, or give the private address of neighbours to strangers, and of course there's so much more.

It was such fun for them they couldn't resist going further and further and no matter how often they were warned it made no difference,

No, don't expect me to try to translate a cowards gibberish. I don't know what was meant I only know how sick it makes me feel. I almost died because I don't trust the pervert neighbour from hell and someone who is part of that imagines I care about any kind of affection?

There is recent information online from 15 years ago and a bankruptcy 12 years ago and I know some people have illegal images and information about me which they have shared among themselves and who knows how many others. Its not acceptable I want this disgusting mess closed down properly and if I have to go to court to do that I will sending the entire gang down. 

Enough with the Politically Correct Bollocks

Yep, you can tell when a subject is gaining the upper ground and making an impact the politically correct arrive determined to silence anyone who speaks openly and in so doing turn the subject whatever it is in the required less emotive direction. 

The subject in this case is the rape and torture of children by organised paedophile rings or gangs over the last forty or more years. Many of the members of the gangs were politicians and other establishment figures who are now known to have had carte blanche and complete protection from the police and security services, others were teachers or priests and vicars, yet more were Pakistani or Bangladeshi immigrants who to be fair have been encouraged by the politically correct fascist left to believe they can behave in western countries in exactly the same way and using exactly the same law as they would in either Pakistan or Bangladesh.

At long last and much against the will of some senior MPs and public servants organised paedophilia is being openly talked about paedophile gangs in Westminster and other towns and cities are being investigated.

Naturally at this point the politically correct and usually left wing fascists arrive to grab as much of the lime light as possible and to bully the rest of us into using only those phrases and colours approved by themselves.

The good news is its a clear sign that the torture and rape of children is fully in the public domain. The bad news is that means its open season on hauling anyone who tells the plain unvarnished truth whatever its colour or religion either into line or out of all debate.

I know what that feels like but I also know that when the nationality and religion of abusers are known and publicly referred to that in itself  encourages members of those communities to assert themselves. It helps to prevent further abuse in those communities who have been allowed almost encouraged to rape, assault and treat women and children with at best disdain and at worst continuing physical and sexual assault.

You can’t properly deal with child abuse unless you name it, own it and shame it out of existence and that means telling the truth about Bangladeshi, English, Pakistani, Scottish, Welsh and every other nationality. Sharia law says that if the girl has reached puberty sex with children is allowed that if a girl has not reached puberty the adult male may fondle her, that is serious sexual assault it must be openly acknowledged and eradicated from Sharia and the whole country.Its not about race or religion there are still ongoing investigations into the Anglican and Catholic churches no one complains that mentioning either of those is racist and just recently Jehovah Witness religion has been shown to have concealed more than a thousand cases of child rape and assault over many years.

What has become apparent on social media sites is that some commenters are admired, some join together and form alliances and some are undoubtedly and despicably using the appalling tragedy that is child rape and torture to further their own careers, others are ridiculed and dismissed this is wrong all voices should be heard and respected doing that enables us all to see where those who are trying to close debate and shield offenders are lurking.

Stop with the racism its children that matter not the mealy mouthed words of the politically correct fascists who in some cities and towns have been content to allow the rape and torture of children to proceed unchallenged for many years.

Stress!

Has to be one of the worst feelings. Its not sickness but it can make you sick. Its not depression but it can very quickly make you very depressed.

I've lived with stress for a long time now and its taken a serious toll, funny when I was physically ill I felt no stress but as I recover and catch up with reality stress reasserts itself.

Angry, unhappy, suspicious all the above and all caused by people with no idea of or care for the harm they're doing.

I have to become more aggressive the alternative is increasing illness and depression and I won't have that.

Guns

America was built on the right to own guns not just one gun and not just one type. The constitution is very clear guns are to assist the people to challenge corrupt government. Guns are an integral part of the American constitution.

Hundreds of thousands, possibly millions of people in America own guns legally as is their right but that right is now being heavily challenged by what Americans loosely describe as left wing progressives they seem to think that if you take guns away from people honest enough to buy and register them legally you have solved the problem and cut the crime rate to nil.

How ludicrous, ignorant and typically left wing is that?

In a gun free country like the UK its far easier to get a gun illegally than it is to go through the song, dance and character investigation it takes to get one legally. You can I'm told and have read buy one for about a hundred pounds. Okay its probably not new and it may well have been used to commit serious crimes but a gun is for shooting right? It doesn't need forms or permission particularly illegal guns.

In America some cities have designated themselves sanctuary cities this means that illegal immigrants will not be arrested and deported if they choose to go to a sanctuary city nor apparently will they be handed over to the federal authorities if they are wanted for crimes committed in America. Isn't that nice and civilised of them.

Except. Recently a young girl walking with her father in one of these wonderful sanctuary cities was shot dead by an illegal immigrant who just happened to find a gun as he was strolling about free as a bird in a sanctuary city. Not surprisingly the girls distraught family are furious as are most people.

Aaand right on cue along come the liberal progressives to announce that its not the fault of the crazy, pompous, patronizing and as we now know dangerous sanctuary city authorities who could have handed the murderer over to federal authorities before he murdered anyone. Oh no its all the fault of the laws that allow Americans to own guns never mind that the particular gun the illegal immigrant used to commit murder was stolen its last legal owner having been an officer of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Nancy Pelosi senior Democrat and political representative of the sanctuary city concerned has announced that 'City policies are not the problem Guns are'. I have trouble believing anyone with half a working brain said it.

It is hundreds of years too late to ban guns in America. Guns are everywhere they are easier to get hold of illegally than guns in the UK. All banning guns would do is leave all the illegal weapons on the streets because you can bet your mortgage very few of those would be handed in and leave all the law abiding citizens defenseless.

Politicians like Nancy Pelosi must be dreadful lying people as are all those who agree with them and who want to ban guns to law abiding people who may never use them for more than clay pigeon shooting or target practice at an authorised club.

In a country full of illegal weapons a legally owned gun is a sense of security a knowledge that if attacked you can fight back. If I lived in America I would own a gun and I would not hand it over to some smug git of a politician who is protected by would you believe heavily armed guards.

I could name the sanctuary city but what difference would that make all sanctuary cities are the same all put their law abiding citizens at risk by willfully refusing to deal with illegal immigration which means they have no clue as to who or how dangerous some of their city inhabitants are.

Moving?

Well I was I had hoped to  be scrubbing the dust off this filthy hole by the 2nd week in July. Alas it was not to be but I don't despair undaunted and improving all the time I now hope to leave this septic isle in a couple of months or so, it won't be up to me I will leave as soon after the doctors discharge me as I can arrange it.

Thing is everything is still so tiring! Really if I had the energy I'd be shocked at how long full recovery is taking. I go to town look more or less alright while I'm there and then when I get home I drop the facade and fall into bed for a couple of hours. Not good enough but I'm giving into it because I'm absolutely terrified of any sort of relapse. I don't think you survive two chances to fuck up as badly as I did.

Moving is in my experience always traumatic, dreadful, painful and horrendous there is it seems to me no easy way to pack up an entire life and move it lock stock and barrel to pastures new. It always hurts and help is notoriously hard to find which I think is probably because no one who has done it wants to be anywhere near it ever again and definitely not for anyone else. Tempers always fray rows happen movable objects get thrown, the heavier more valuable and above all the more important the better.

I've reached the stage of thinking I won't bother I will take me and my cats and dogs and leave the rest to sink into the everlasting bog.

Maybe I will take just a few things those I really like or have an emotional attachment to or bought to take to the new house when I get it and maybe the new washing machine when I get it I'm damn sure I can't wait two or three months to do the washing. I may live like a tramp but I have to have clean sheets and clothes. 

More of the Same

Not a bad day but not a good one either. It didn't rain but I did get a letter making another appointment at the hospital.

Yet another scan.

I worry about it frankly they scare me and its kind of hard to think of anything else. Nerves already frayed are not up to dealing with all the possibilities none of them very good, but hopefully none of them as bad as I feared yesterday.

Not good.

Stress Day

Bit of a nerve wracking day first because I had to go to the doctor to get the result of the MRI scan I had last week, that in itself was a cause for concern since doctors don't tell you much over the phone.

Next I was going to get a cab but couldn't so had to walk into town and that was another although minor worry. Its the first time I've walked so far since getting out of hospital I wasn't even sure I could walk that far so I took the walking stick to lean on if needed.

Fortunately the walking stick wasn't needed I strolled into town and on to the doctors surgery with no problems. The doctors surgery was packed and included six children all toddlers and all noisy. I'm not good with children when I'm worried but I managed to conceal my irritation. I was quite pleased with myself! Surgeries are full of sick people and some of us don't like noise when we're worrying.

It was relatively good news. I have this and I have that I also have an abscess and a cyst in unexpected and internal places but there was no dreaded 'C' word. Not a hint of cancer and of course I did ask! I'm back on blood tests but unless I hear differently my next hospital appointment is exactly where it was before the MRI and that has to be good news I think. I hope.

Specialist What?

Years ago pervert, pederast and paedophile Leon Brittan was shunted off to Europe He was to be a commissioner of something or other. The move was touted as a great opportunity a kind of promotion, but not to me I didn’t believe it nor I’m certain did many others who had heard the rumours and watched him wriggle.

He was caught. I thought at the time that the cabinet must have come to the conclusion he was too hot to hold so he was being booted out of the cabinet, the British parliament and the UK. He was sent off to extremely well paid anonymity in Europe and he did indeed fester there for some years. The Gods alone know what he did in his spare time while he was there.

The main stream media (MSM) had lost interest in him at a time when they should have been most alert to his crimes and that too was my first inkling that the MSM was not so much independent as obedient as long as it was in their own interest. The hue and cry died down and the paedophile and pederasts of the Westminster elite continued raping children as though they had never been interrupted.

Now much of it has been forced into the public arena again, the government has been forced to announce a historical inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse. I think its true to say that many of us believe the inquiry has been nobbled from the start but it and its new chairperson deserve a chance to prove us wrong.

This latest furore is the successful result of five or six years effort by the alternative media who have led a sustained attack including persuading some victims to speak out. It has been a fantastic and at long last successful effort loaded with facts and now almost anything that comes out of the inquiry that is biased or in any way prejudiced can be immediately countered by the facts. The important thing is to keep up with the inquiry and thoroughly examine any and all evidence produced.

Inevitably the study, which is what for some it has become, of child sexual abuse is both harrowing and frightening we allowed it. We effectively stood by while blatant lies were told both in court and in parliament there is now no hiding place but what that means is those who study and observe CSA are wounded by it.

How do we deal with those wounds? Do we run to so called specialists or do we figure it out for ourselves as indeed most of the victims have had to do while we the selfishly ignorant public refused to acknowledge what we didn’t want to see?

I am to say the least sceptical of so called counselors if they get on the right gravy train its a nice little earner and think of the implications of that counselors need victims of abuse to be victims or they don’t get paid its as simple as that, they also need to ‘cure’ the victims and how the hell they do that is anyones guess.

Researching, studying, listening to victims is difficult but I don’t believe its made easier by going to a counselor. No counselor can change what happened nor can they offer anything more than acceptance of the past and move on to the future, but none of us can leave our past behind if there is no resolution no justice particularly those who have been so wounded by the actions of paedophiles and pederasts.

There is a place for counseling of course there is but arguably if you need to get counseling because you’re so traumatised by what others were forced to endure? You need to find a hobby that doesn’t include real life horror and real victims

I’m probably in a minority of one on this subject and frankly I don’t give a fuck If one child endured physical and emotional horrors I as an adult can damn well listen and be fully supportive without needing to run for help to get me through the pain someone else suffered. and I don’t lack imagination I would simply be as I am determined to speak out at every opportunity. Many dislike my attitude Hey they disliked it from the start. I aint going nowhere: Get used to it.

Unwell Update - Improving

I think I should do this one not because there is anything interesting to report but because it kind of rounds things up.

Being in hospital deceives the body. In hospital I felt almost fine. I was worried about my cats and dogs and desperate to get home. I was convinced I would go home and slip right into my old routine.

Nothing like that happened! I slipped right into bed I got up after a couple of hours sleep made some tea watched the laptop and after an hour or so again went back to bed. I worked out I was spending two hours in bed for every one hour I was up and that lasted most of last week.

I’m astonished and frustrated at how weak I was and how weak I still am, but I am much better I can now stay up admittedly not doing very much for as long as three or four hours at a time. I don’t expect my next trip to town to be as exhausting as the last one was but sure that was the day after I got home and I was shattered. I’m almost looking forward to going to Castlebar soon or I would be if I wasn’t going for another test at the hospital. I’m nervous of the test its actually some sort of scan. It worries me. I mean why?

Being so weak is alien to me For most of my working life I did two jobs I was always rushing and although that stopped when I came here, its almost impossible to find one job never mind two and anyway I didn’t find a job. I was always the same person but not anymore. Now I need to stop and think about how to do things so that I won’t get stuck half way through.

Its not tired although I get tired easily its physical weakness the inability to do things I’ve always done. I don’t know how long it will last but I do know I’m improving and that’s what matters right?

I think it may help if I explain one or two of the little problems caused by ignoring septicemia for more than three weeks: Doctors thought I had had a small stroke tests later proved I had apparently had two. I’m told these were caused by heart problems and the heart problems were caused, you guessed it, by the appalling and really dangerous septicemia.

Thankfully there are no outward signs of such serious problems but I do now have to take tablets for the rest of my life one is for diabetes which I’m told may have been the cause of the original septicemia, and the other is to try and prevent another stroke.

Imagine my joy.

She Was Asking For It

Is one of the most famous/infamous sayings in the English or any other language it has been used by every wife beater and rapist to justify their crime.

One of the latest examples is a pervert on death row in India. It likes to tell anyone who will listen that the girl it and its accomplices raped so badly she died was asking for it because she was out after nine pm, because she was with her boyfriend and because she got on the bus it was on with its accomplices who included the bus driver.

What should be shocking but knowing the perpetrators it isn’t is that the phrase has also been used to justify the attacks on me. Its happened several times so not a one off but something that’s been discussed and agreed among them.

The last time it was used was last night the time before that Mark gave a mangled version which added up to the same thing and throughout my emails there are other versions all adding up to the ‘She Was Asking For it’ defence.

Nonsense and deliberately offensive nonsense at that but what is interesting and what as usual this gang of perverts have apparently failed to notice is the admission contained within the phrase of how serious the crimes they committed are.

Its not a silly game its serious criminal offences which include taking and sharing illegal images, hacking and destroying emails and other material on my laptop, stalking, voyeurism and giving my address to members of their ‘community’, home invasion and so on.

Counselors

Are not people I refer to or speak of often its probably because I don’t trust or even like the sound of those I’ve heard about. To me they all have vested interests and one of them is to keep the money rolling in. To do that most counselors need funding and that comes from government or local authority sometimes both.

Some years ago there was a huge debate about child abuse I began to comment and really and truthfully as far as I can tell it was during and after that debate that most counselors became child abuse experts. It became and still is very trendy to be a child abuse expert.

In most cases counselors like probation officers and social workers are the most politically correct narcissists you will find anywhere they are all full of their own expertise, dismissive even contemptuous of anyone who hasn’t got the required degree, if you think about that its another vested interest. The job is not about change its about acceptance and the so called and so loved moving on.

I have grown to be contemptuous of counselors.

UNWELL UPDATE – HOW WRONG IS IT POSSIBLE TO BE WITHOUT DYING?

I don’t know but I do know I came close. The reasons I’m so reluctant to go to the doctor or anyone in town are written about throughout this blog so no need at the moment to repeat them here besides I’m not sure how long the strength or concentration will last and I do want to break the duck and get this first attempt at writing since coming home done.

I thought I was getting better genuinely and now obviously seen as part of the delirium. I woke to find myself on the floor thinking of blue berries. I had and still have no idea how I got on the floor all I can say for sure is that it took ages to get up and had to be worked at by crawling to the right spot to be able to lean on something heavy without toppling.

I thought I was getting better surely no one who dreams of blue berries is getting worse right? My sister wonderful girl disagreed. She contacted my cousin wonderful man and he decided to take me straight to the doctor who gave a letter saying admission.

I was quite happy I was getting better! At Mayo General Hospital there was a queue in casualty but not to worry I was put on a trolley and swept right through the crush. Tests started immediately and continued throughout the night. I was duly admitted put on various intravenous drips and swept up to the ward where I was not a good patient.

I was on the ward for a week and a half and all day every day I complained that I wanted to go home. I said and I’m quoting that it was my job to be in their face 24/7 until I went home. I am as some will already know very, very good at being a real pain in the posterior and various other delicate places. Today four days after getting home I did some actual washing up then I went to bed.

Never, ever! Ignore the signs. I will write more later tired now