Is it all Smoke and Mirrors?

About six months ago those who follow child sexual abuse (CSA) time lines were alarmed to read that a prominent victim and supporter of victims of CSA had been taken ill, there were some tantalizingly vague tweets about her state of health and loads of good will messages. In time it was whispered to be  a failed suicide attempt but not to worry the crisis was over and the victim was feeling much better. All good healthy stuff. Or was it.

This past week there has been a kind of coup one forum of CSA victim supporters has recreated itself installed new members, dismissed its chairman and created a new one. It has apparently been a very nasty, hurtful process, and guess what? One of its leading movers and shakers is the poor woman who attempted suicide and who in shoving all opposition aside has shown the kind of ruthless streak few of us would have believed possible in one so wounded.

A failed suicide who apparently works whilst being on Twitter virtually 24/7 I’m impressed. Or I would be if I believed a word of it.

She may have attempted suicide how could I know? What can I say I can’t be sure she did or that she even wrote any tweets. I hope she is an intelligent, capable woman because I do believe she may be what the media love to refer to as a useful idiot.

She has made a number of allegations and on this I do believe her which doesn’t mean I believe the allegations will get as far as official charges never mind a trial. All too often allegations of child sexual abuse fail not because they are not true but because there is a lack of physical evidence. Its very sad for everyone and for the victims of child sexual abuse it must be agonising

Its a pity then that all the angst and suffering of the many genuine victims of child sexual abuse including her is added to by the apparently never ending hate fest going on between different factions of victims supporters groups on Twitter, maybe its someones shrill and silly idea to keep the subject in the public arena, but if it is its in grave danger of turning people against the real victims of child sexual abuse and I do sometimes wonder if that and other matters could be the real reasons.

One of the other matters is funding, there is a lot of money to be made supporting and counselling victims of abuse. Grants are available from local authority, government and public charities. In order to apply for grants you need to establish a group, you need counselors and most important of all you need victims.

The third reason maybe a need for some form of celebrity some people long to be famous and respected I think its a mistake to under estimate the need some people have to feel respected and even admired  I can think of few things more unhealthy to a recovering victim of CSA than to be burdened with the un-attained ambitions of another.

I’ve mentioned these subjects before both on blog and on Twitter I believe these silly and often contrived disputes endanger the whole search for justice for victims of child sexual abuse.

For now my sympathies are with the victims of the latest bout of undignified, unmerciful infighting. If, that is any of it is true.

Sigh.....

I hate going to town for a couple of reasons one of them being I always forget something and then I get annoyed with myself, and so it was today.

It was cold, damp miserable although I do think the Christmas lights are up I've actually never seen the towns Christmas lights on but every year I do see the wires and leads trailing through the sky and I must admit seeing them creates a kind of anticipation what are they like, are there any flashing or moving lights? It doesn't matter where you live Christmas lights definitely look better when its dark and the lights are on.

I didn't do much shopping its Monday several shops were shut and anyway I didn't need much cats and dogs are catered for and the freezer is full I could probably last the week but I rather more probably won't. I forget stuff I never get home but I end up standing in the kitchen hating myself for my latest bout of amnesia.

I mean coleslaw surely to goodness if you buy the reason you want the coleslaw you would remember to buy the actual fucking coleslaw. Not me, gone are the days when I had any even the remotest connection to common sense.

I'm fed up. I don't want to be here and I forgot the pigging coleslaw and, I have now thanks to the UK prime minister and at least one of his little idiosyncrasies got to be very careful how I use a word like 'pigging'. Its a hard, hard life right enough particularly for some unfortunate pigs and anyway very few people are kind and understanding about what he did with a pig

Talking of pigs and what should be done with them: *I don't like that there are people on Twitter who actually believe they can dictate what subject and people a person, me, follows. Of course they could be employees of Twitter and I'm looking forward to the day when if no one else does it first I will out them. In fact my impatience is beginning to show. I'm kind to victims of anything especially anyone who was physically or sexually abused when they were children, but I don't like lies or fraud and this particular group have been visible for some time. 

Naturally I copied the time line and it does read well. I don't want to hear denials and nor when it gets to court will anyone else and its not like one of them hasn't got form for being a lying prat in court.

So not a good day. I should have gone to Castlebar but by the time I got myself organised it was too late, bearing in mind its twilight at 4pm and dark by 5pm. I should have gone if I had it would be done now instead of looming ahead of me like a dentist appointment.

Update 1/12/2015

There appears to have been a bit of a dust up in the dove cot which may or may not be connected to * above

A Tweet too Far

Twitter is full of what they call trolls I believe most of them are either employed by Twitter or in some cases encouraged by Twitter employees, there have been three deaths all suicides by people who got too close to Twitter and thought the behaviour there was allowed everywhere but for all the claims by the professionals the three suicides were amateurs not real trolls at all, such amateurs are the tools of professional trolls and when the amateurs are forced to acknowledge reality so the dread, fear and terrible depression that comes with knowing they have been used descend to evidently terrible effect.

Is Ireland the right place for Twitter I don't think so. Ireland is so very local its easy for those with vested interests to find and get to know employees of Twitter support its even probable that technical employees are allowed to get involved in targeting individuals. Its all publicity right?

There is something very, very wrong with all Social Media sites and its most visible on Twitter

They'll have been waiting for something frothing with rage and that was a mistake I've been enraged it doesn't work unless you deal with the cause. I'm dealing with the cause

Robin

pippakin ‏

9 seconds ago

Robin So bold He struts & swoops Its not for him To wait and stoop Robin Is first and then Come the Crows When the Magpie arrives clever Robin He goes swift 

As an arrow

Free as a bird

Integration

FWIW and it doesn’t mean much to me but I do want to put it out there when the runny stuff hits the fan I don’t want there to be room for excuses.

I did ‘integrate’ I was on a course for almost a year shopping getting to know some of the locals a little and enjoying a nice little town.

I did look for work but in Ireland at that time it was worse than trying to find the proverbial needle in a haystack and I felt guilty what was someone of my age and in my circumstances doing trying to get a job someone else, someone younger with family needed more.

What I didn’t and won’t do is go to church I dislike the Catholic Church I happen to be quite probably the only one in Ireland to be thrown out of the local church for being noisy. I was nine years old it was in London and I was not alone, one Sunday evening a whole gang of us decided to go to church. The priest was unimpressed.

I can see that becoming part of the community of church goers would have been useful but I don’t like dishonesty and I wasn’t keen on getting to know the local priest, when my uncle died I left two messages for the priest he didn’t return my call but at the funeral he asked if I was the one who had called.

A small thing maybe but it pissed me off it still does. A relative I was very fond of had died and I wanted to make sure that the church he had attended almost all his years in Ireland was organised and the priest didn’t return the calls.

Don’t dare talk to me about integrating I speak to some people regularly they may think I’m a bit eccentric but if there’s any honesty in them they won’t think I’m rude or nasty. I just don’t go to church and since I don’t drive travel to and from town is not something I do every day.

I won’t allow gossipy excuses like that to grow into any kind of so called explanation

To Our Very Good Health

All of us that is not just the relatively few who are lucky to always enjoy good health and good spirits

I don't want to go deep delving but I do want to say everyone has bad times and that includes me I've had my share but I don't want to make this about me that's narcissism. I only want to say that its possible very few of us have not been there.

The trick if it is a trick is to know that almost all things pass and those that don't can be made to pay.

I mean that in a general not personal sense. Illness, weakness teach their own lessons and when we recover one of them is maybe that we should be more considerate of the health and weakness of others.

Age also teaches us and one of the first things we should learn and rarely do until its almost too late is that physical age is irrelevant to intelligence, wisdom and empathy. Its even irrelevant to some maybe most experiences. Joy is still joy when we're seventy and grief is no less when we're seven.

There is a part of me that wants to grab someone by the neck and shake like a rag doll until they see sense but there is another part and that part says: first do no harm.

Blessings if you should pass this way may your God/s be with you and may you not stretch yourself too thin in their worship.

Aftermath

First is the sense of shock its overwhelming you look at the page and think that can't be right, but it is and its staring at you right there on the page of a book by a favourite author. Was it deliberate? I think so I've often said how much I liked his books. Note its now past tense.

Then there's anger white hot molten rage. Who would do such a thing and why? Well I know who to within three and I know how but with no explanation I'm unlikely ever to know why unless it goes to court.. The defence if it does go to court would be interesting and maybe enlightening, and it might well become part of one case or have an entire case to itself from which would unquestionably feed all the crimes relating to it. I sincerely hope the author of the latest, most shocking hurtful jibe is unaware of those crimes.

Being me I write about it I don't care if no one reads it that's not why I write and I don't care if those who do read it think its rubbish I don't write for applause. I write because I enjoy it that's all, and not all the outrageous assaults, the horrible accusations have or could change that. I like to write and I won't stop because some think I can't write. Is that what they think its about, if no one likes it give up?

I disagree, they are all outside and other they can't touch the instinct or feeling or whatever it is that make people want to write. I don't even know if there are many people left with such a feeling I suspect there are a lot of people who want to be writers but is that because they want to write or because they want to be famous authors?

Hmm.

Most people maybe all of them seem to think I can't write is that what's important or is it more important and much more satisfying to put what you think on paper or screen just because you can and you want to see and remember the colours you touched, the people you saw and the emotion you felt because if it is then readers are not a necessity although in a perfect world they would be a bonus.

So at the bottom of it all there's bewilderment who cares even to hate who cares enough to mention an unknown unimportant amateur writing the days? Opinionated, argumentative sometimes difficult but very rarely nasty and even then only when pushed to the limit of patience. Too 'talkative'? Is that it? Its probably part of it and I have to say that part is true but for a very long time now it was and still is part of something much bigger.

I don't know why if my writing is so dire so many people care about it I can't imagine why if its so bad its so often copied and I don't care. I feel really sick that cruelty exists in the world and I have been and still am a victim of some of it. Its not as if I haven't given warnings of why a settlement was necessary and now the first proof and it could get worse, much worse.

I have all the evidence I need and I can't now see any way but to use it. If I'm already a laughing stock what difference is there and it would be nice to get the last laugh. 

Pippakin a Critic

I  suppose the truth is I’ve always been a bit of a critic quite an acerbic one but I can also if and when the spirit moves me be constructive. Regrettably I have not felt so moved for the last several years and to be honest I can’t see that changing anytime soon.

I’ve written before both of how much I enjoyed the Discworld series of books by Terry Pratchett and also of my disappointment in his book The Dodger.

Dodger is a fascinating character and so is Stooge both are survivors any knocks they experience along lifes many strange and inconvenient paths would one has no doubt be brushed aside or possibly walked right over.

I was disappointed in Dodger but not surprised. In 2007 Terry Pratchett announced he had a form of Alzheimers and frankly whichever form you have is to me kind of irrelevant. Alzheimers deprives us of our memory but not before its deprived us of our independence, ability and our dignity, and it makes no difference if we are cared for by loved ones except perhaps it makes it harder for the sufferer and almost impossible for the carer.

I have some experience of dementia I cared for someone with the disease and a member of my family had it. You might say I’ve done my research.

Which brings me neatly to someone who didn’t do theirs.

Or did they …Any book by Terry Pratchett was always meticulously researched up to and including Dodger. I didn’t find Dodger hard going because it was poorly researched I found it almost impossible to get through because whoever wrote it lacked the legendary Terry Pratchett talent.

Raising Steam.

I honestly don’t know where to begin. Some of it, the subject matter was well researched and the idea, the introduction of steam to the discworld was brilliant however other significant to me parts were not.

Whoever, lets not call it ghost writing, guided the telling of the story may or may not lack talent. On reading the book it looks as though there is a total absence of the ability to so much as write their own name and address without turning it into something one simply has to bin by the second line.

But that’s unfair. The ability to write as someone else when you so obviously lack their imagination and wild talent is, must be very different to writing in your own style and on your own subject but there are people who apparently make a career of imitating other writing styles I’ve read a few someone even did a Robert Burns style poem to prove a point to say it was piss poor is to ignore the stench.

Maybe in such a situation changing the character and dialogue style of major characters is understandable and impossible to avoid but helpers should try because  changing a successful character had better be because the change is better not because the helper hasn’t a clue.

So, that was me the critic not exactly making excuses for the inexcusable and unforgivable.

By 2012 when The Dodger was published Terry Pratchett had to be suffering prolonged lapses caused by Alzheimers and by 2013 when Raising Steam was published he may well have been in a very serious condition. He died in March 2015 which probably means that for much of The Dodger Terry Pratchett had to rely on his helpers and by the time Raising Steam was ready for publication he must have had to rely on those helpers twenty four hours a day and perhaps been unable to properly supervise their work.

What Pippakin cares about

For the record I’m not one who minds being a laughing stock I’m sixty five years old, is it possible anyone of that age has sailed through life without slipping on one  and probably a dozen or more of lifes notorious banananana skins? I doubt it., even rich and powerful people the kind who have someone sweeping every smallest piece of rubbish including people from their own garlanded paths onto the dung heap laden tracks of the poor, and when it comes to the rich and powerful we are of course talking plurality of paths ,but even so some still occasionally go arse over tit into the noisome mire.

What gets my back so far up it would take a cruise missile to even attempt to bring it down?

Cruelty is the answer. I care about the kind of assault that leaves permanent if invisible scars, I care about those who find the actual pain someone else is suffering amusing, and I care about those who take advantage of an understanding empathic nature to hack and thieve, to take illegal pictures and share them possibly among the entire internet were any helpers among the recipients? If they were it confirms the reason for my style and commitment to stopping all such attacks particularly any further attacks on me. I care so much that in pursuit of them I’m like a dog with a bone I won’t let go and I do bite.

I think in his day Terry Pratchett would have been intrigued, oh he may have laughed may have been angry with me and others but he had a wild imagination and he would have looked for the sub plot.  His imagination would have taken it further would have wanted to know who was the real villain what was the motive and how many variations are there to the ending.

I doubt any research beyond the merest outline of railway history was done by the person or persons who had control of the research, the writing and the publication of Raising Steam.

Oh, and if you can’t ‘do’ original characters? Create new ones.

Feel free to sue I’d like nothing more.

ISIS Shock and Awe in Paris

It was hard to choose a picture the same colours appeared in almost every country. The famous landmarks of each country lit up to represent support for France and if we're not very careful war to every Muslim country.

Holy war

Not seen for centuries but the beginnings of it were visible in France and elsewhere and its maybe something some Islamist's don't fully understand. Western countries look and often behave in a secular even decadent manner because they can and its both fun and liberating. Until disaster strikes and then people light candles and place flowers both symbols of Christianity and if that isn't enough many go to church.

Christianity is old, older than Islam its presence in our lives is taken for granted even ignored most of the time but most people still get married in church, children are Christened in church, people are buried in Christian cemeteries and when tragedy strikes its the church people turn to and that turning has been happening for some time. Its visible in the growing anger at attempts to turn Christmas into 'the holidays'  as if acknowledging and respecting the core of western civilisation is somehow offensive. Christmas is back and we must all hope that the crusades don't return with it.

I think many Muslims are being taught that all they have to do is keep having children in time they will out number Christians, Atheists, Hindus, Buddhists Jews and everyone else. I believe before that happens there will be a bigger more destructive war than ever before lived through.

In many Mosques, ignorant ill educated Imams tell the followers they must not listen to non Muslims, they must not educate their children in the ways of other religions and most important they must obey Sharia law first. In some countries its worked if you look at some Asian countries Pakistan, Bangladesh for eg Islam is the biggest most aggressive religion treating non Muslims as lesser beings, but Islam is no respecter of Muslims either poor Muslims are treated almost as badly and slavery allowed in Islam is more or less normal. Muslims who believe they can take over Christian countries are treading and taking their followers down a very dangerous path.

In every war there have been what used to be called conscientious objectors and there were obviously some who sided with the enemy. All were dealt with ruthlessly in WW2 conscientious objectors were sent to prison or other out of the way places where they could do no harm, Nazi sympathisers either learned fast or were treated as enemy spies. Its not hard those who see an ineffectual politically correct police force and believe that's all there is are gullible fools there's a lot more all of it life threatening and the very beginnings of it are visible today on the streets of Paris.

I make no secret of despising Islam I want it banned. I want the burka and every religious head covering banned with it. I want to know gloves are worn because its cold not because a woman thinks showing her actual hands is a temptation too far for the uncontrollable male and I want every male who dares suggest such a thing thrown behind bars for the safety of all women and children.

But! I don't want the people of Islam hurt I want them to recognise and dispose of Islam the religion almost all of them were born to and had no choice about joining. I believe that in Muslim countries and all over the world women are the first and most tragic of Islams victims. I don't believe women want their daughter of eight or nine married off to a man in his forties and I don't believe women want their sons raised to believe their mother is no more than a slave to male demands.

I do believe that before a hostile Christian population allows Muslims to take over there will be a horrible and deadly confrontation

Paedophile A Victim?

About four years ago a man was recommended to me as a painter, decorator, odd job man. The man always bothered me in some ways he seemed almost child like, silly stuff like loving to flash the cash just to let you see he had some!

He wasn’t a great worker and he was a thief so obviously not one of my better choices even if he was recommended: always trust your instinct.

Gradually I discovered the man had a criminal conviction as far as I know it was and still is just one conviction but its for sexually assaulting young girls and that makes all the difference. If I’d known at the time I would never have given him the job.

It kind of leaks into a matter that’s bothered me for a long while.

What happens in a small town when someone is convicted of child abuse? There have been stories of paedophiles being attacked, driven from their homes and generally isolated. None of those things happened in this case but when I look back at the events I see his vulnerability and from there its possible to see similarities with the infamous cover ups of politician and establishment child abusers and those who protect them.

As soon as a paedophile is known and recognised he/she become vulnerable. I have no time or sympathy for any child abuser but if you think about it as soon as a paedophile is identified he or she is at risk and so as has been pointed out by others the paedophile becomes no more than a slave to his ‘protectors’.

Many paedophiles lose contact with family and few people outside the family will have anything to do with known paedophiles. If the paedophile had friends as soon as the crime is discovered the friends drop them as if they never existed.

Its a double tragedy, first and most important a child is harmed sometimes beyond recovery, a long way behind that is the paedophile, maybe friendless, maybe desperate. Its possible to feel the paedophiles tragedy but I would never, ever support or offer any kind of friendship however remote to a child abuser and that confirms the tragedy.

The last time I saw the painter and decorator he literally and I really mean literally, ran away from me. I found myself feeling sorry for him because I knew that our previous contact, he called me, was at the instigation and in the presence of the ‘friend’ who recommended him to me someone with a sick sense of humour thought it was funny and the poor man felt obliged to obey. How sick is that?

The paedophile has few choices he can move try to start again or he can try to carry on in his home area. I don’t feel sorry for paedophiles there’s no room for that but I can see how vulnerable they are and how easy it must be to manipulate them, and that leads to the reason why some politicians and maybe some sick people find keeping a dirty little secret useful.

Halloween

Its that time again, again!

So many people I've loved and lost and can't and never will stop loving.

The Bridge (Reflections)

There's a bridge its rough and old and barely fit
When I walk home its there I sit
Old rocks grimy, black and grey
A bench to rest and pass a day
Listening to ripples remembering a dream
Watching the sunlight caught in the stream

Watching ripples flow through the glow
Listening to quarrels of ebb and flow
Thinking of what I forgot to buy
What was I thinking to walk right by
Looking for the dream? in row of tins
Holding my head up trying not to give in

Its not hate too complex for that
Its shock and pain and grief
The impotent rage of disbelief
Welling up
Rushing out
A grief too deep to talk about
Sitting on the bridge watching
The stream splutter and splatter
The end of the dream

Listening to the ripples
A few feet below
Desperate to get away
Any where Just go

Go home light a fire
Watch the flames dance
The ripple and glow its almost a trance
Remember the days of laughter and love
It feels long ago and now its all done

Pain rushes back
No time to remember
No chance to forget
Rage in a bubble watch the glitter and shake
Needles of memories of insult and hate
Looking down from the bridge
At the hustle and bustle of storm tossed twigs

Biding

That’s what we’re doing me and the addict who is going through a very disgruntled withdrawal. She has at various times during the last 48 hours sat on my lap, stolen my chair, refused her breakfast, dinner and tea and is currently camped at my feet not to be comfortable or affectionate you understand. The little addict is at my feet so she can stare unblinking and half starved up into my face and put me right off everything.

I finally gave in and did ‘it’. In the early hours of this morning I ordered some more they should arrive in the next hour or three, and I strongly suspect that until they do arrive I’m going to continue getting the ‘look’. I can’t stand it. Its bad for me nerves.

So I thought since its impossible to concentrate I might as well come here and whinge. It is in spite of, although personally I suspect its hugely because of, the usual suspects.

Recently (ish) I’ve noticed something not at all interesting more what you might call and I definitely do call deliberately irritating. Its wives I hate the very sound and look of them and I hate them more than I hate the actual members of the criminal gang. I mean I can understand some desperate oul hag taking, if not actually demanding, the first and only offer they’re ever likely to get. Oh, lets call it ‘she’ even if anything less female is hard to imagine, but I can’t understand any of em remaining married to a psycho pervert. To me its confirmation of shared perversion.

Do I want to know the pervs are married? In my world and in my experience most people are married I had to come to Ireland to learn that some women escaped from Irish men and married civilised people. This is not in itself a problem, the women unquestionably did the right thing and good luck to em. What it means however and what I had to live here to learn is that a disproportionate number of middle aged/elderly Irish men are still single into their sixties and from where I’m sitting it looks in spite of all the evidence like every one of em is scared shitless a woman, for all I know any woman, wants em!

When I was young I was busy doing interesting stuff with boys of my own age and then I progressed to affairs with married men which I actually preferred. I’m really not a willing domestic, nor after all these years am I much domesticated. I as must be obvious by now share my home with my cats and dogs I don’t share with men or women and as for cooking their breakfast. Huh!

The truth however reluctant men are to hear it is women are better at being alone and over time its we who become less and less willing to share our bed or our lives. Its really the selfishness that comes with being used to independence whatever the downside and there must be some being independent has the enormous advantage of not having to compromise and remember compromise includes everything from what to eat, whats on tv or what colour we paint the damn hall. Its a biggie!

Imagine my annoyance when little ‘hints’ are dropped like farts into the airflow. It is as I’ve said irritating. One is as fat as lard and much fatter than me. I’m sure he does what his master tells him and I’m certain his wife is and has always been a very poor last.

Another one came to Ireland with what sounds like an Irish woman, read a couple of Irish history books written by the Irish of course and promptly decided he should have been Irish and he would do his best to correct the divine mistake by joining the IRA not up front and in your face. Oh no, secretly so he could carry on working and not get arrested for being a prize prat.

There’s really only one that none of the above applies to not because he wouldn’t have done it, he’s done everything else, but because he cant on any given day decide if he’s Arthur, Martha or Juliette.

I’ve had enough of them all they know what I want and anyone with a working grey cell would know its not them.

I have broached the subject of selling this hovel both to family who have long wanted me to shake the bog off my heels and to one or two people in town. Sale is going to happen mind you with the Irish property market the way in spite of the spin it still is that may not be in this century.

Maggie

Aww the baby. She is a holy terror, gives off the most misleading, grovelling vibes, I’m sure its deliberate because the truth is she is the most stubborn determined tenacious little tyke ever.

She has discovered she can climb on my chair I did try to discourage her and it worked for all of about five minutes she simply does not give up. Little girl is a natural lap dog but she is afraid of heights so the lap is safe as long as she can’t reach.

Thing about that is its no longer working. Its taken a while but she has at last discovered jumping. All she has to do is keep leaping and holding until she gets a proper grip and sufficient height.

She’s on my lap I'm soft when I need hard and what with Ollie going deaf I sometimes sound quite loud too. it doesn’t work. Little girl plays humble but she never gives in. Last evening I had two cats and one Maggie on my lap. I know I could lose some weight but really my lap is not that big. I was squashed.

Not one of them would give way and get the hell down.

Some people are fooled by all the grovelling, tummy exposing and fawning as though they think poor Maggie is afraid of the merest whisper. Don’t be fooled. Little girl holds her own, has stolen Jezzies bed and steals Ollie and Jezzies food.

Stubborn little girl may have been mistreated in the past I really don’t know but I do know she has put it behind her.

Corbyn

I didn’t want him elected leader of the Labour party not because I dislike him or most of his policies the reason I didn’t want him to win is much more painful: he reminds me of Michael Foot who I liked very much. He was a good man, a great politician and a hopeless leader. It wasn’t that his opinions were wrong they were not Michael Foot just seemed unable to understand the difference between being a back bench conviction politician and being the leader of a major political party.

I have the same feeling about Jeremy Corbyn with one or two added reservations. He did ignore the child sexual abuse tragedy in Islington and he did condemn Geoffrey Dickens for raising the subject of child sexual abuse in parliament. Not good enough particularly from the leader of a political party. And there is his age. He’s sixty six its not too late to make a success of his leadership but its cutting it fine and seventy is not too old to lead a general election campaign I hope his health holds because he is taking on a challenging position and a leadership election close to a general election would not be ideal.

Having said that Jeremy Corbyn does have the opportunity to make real progress. The Conservative party won the general election but they are not popular in the unthinking way Margaret Thatcher was for so long. If Corbyn can emphasize the difference between himself and David Cameron he has a great opportunity to close the gap and even take the lead.

Yesterday was his first opportunity and his first mistake. He attended an event commemorating the Battle of Britain and declined to join in the national anthem. As a conviction politician he is entitled to his views as leader of the Labour party his personal views don’t count in any but exceptional circumstances. If his PR team and I do hope he has one have any common sense at all they will make clear that whilst he is not changing his republican atheist position he will not use his leadership to promote what the majority of his party and the country disagree with since to do so would be a betrayal of democracy and that is what he should also say to questions about any previous and possibly controversial issues.

I wish Jeremy Corbyn luck even though some of his opinions and some members of his cabinet irritate the hell out of me.

I was in two minds about writing this, not only do some people think I can’t write they also think I should stay away from politics because as they are always eager to inform me I’m too stupid to understand. Fuck em I write what I like because I want to write it not because I’m looking for praise or even readers.

I Shouldna Done it

But it wasn't a bad day and I want to get back into the habit of walking Its important because when I do get somewhere civilised I don't want to be an invalid. At my age if you don't use it you definitely lose something but not around the waist that tends to gain quite a lot.

I had to go I'd forgotten some shopping and was running low on interesting stuff like milk. The walk into town was good not windy or rainy admittedly cloud was low and the sky was rather more than fifty shades of gray but it was still pleasant enough and easy walking.

Being me by the time I arrived the bank had shut for lunch this is Ireland all day banking is something that happens elsewhere. I wandered along to my local grocers and did not a lot of shopping. This may have been a mistake but it was an important part of my grand plan to walk into town several days a week, firm up some muscles and lose weight.

So far so good I did my wee bit of shopping and turned for home, and it was still pleasant enough I was strolling which if you're walking to lose weight is not the best way to do it. Walking needs purpose not speed but intention don't dawdle that doesn't work. Regardless of knowing that I nevertheless strolled along quite content until I noticed my feet they were beginning to ache.

By this time I'd left the town and passed the only bench on the entire walk I carried on not exactly limping but not exactly walking either I think it was more of a shuffle. It was slow very slow.  At last I got to the spot where I always stop I stayed longer than I usually do my feet by then were quite sore I could almost have set up camp with more enthusiasm.

At last I started the last lap of the walk hobbling along looking at my feet I didn't notice anyone until a voice called me by name. I'd reached one of the outlying houses I looked up and there was an elderly man twiddling with machinery. At first I thought he was someone I know, I must get new glasses or at least wear the ones I've got, but he had called me by name so assuming I knew him wasn't wrong he certainly knew me.

We chatted for no more than a few minutes I was getting annoyed with him he wasn't who I had thought and he was quite a rude person and however old and decrepit he maybe he's not someone I've any wish to meet again.  Its that thing do you see Ireland is so local almost everyone knows your name they don't need to know you they'll fill in any gaps with fiction or whatever the neighbours told them.

The truth is England isn't like that in England strangers probably won't say hello even if they know your name but nor will they be rude for no reason there's still a kind of courtesy or in a lot of still English places there is but England is changing fast and since it must be five years since I was there it may have developed a casual rudeness as well.

Oh my feet ached and my back ached and between feet and back I'd not much thought to spare for anything else. I got home realised I wasn't going to rush back into town tomorrow and felt it would have been a good idea to stick to one way only and get a cab home. For now.

Immigrants, Refugees or Both

Migrants face Hungarian police in the main Eastern Railway station in Budapest, Hungary, September 1, 2015. REUTERS/Laszlo Balogh

The pictures are of Calais, Hungary and Greece and I’m really glad the woman landing in Greece managed to bring her Iphone but at least she is a woman one of the few.

There are refugees among them of course there are but there are also economic migrants and some of them will be terrorists, rapists or murderers.

All immigrants including asylum seekers have got to be properly registered and checked and that is the reason some migrants rioted they didn’t want to be checked I find that suspicious.

The question is if its too dangerous for young men to stay why did they leave the women behind they know that if they are caught by ISIS the women will be treated worse than men.

Another fact is more than 83,000 young people in the UK are homeless thousands more are ex military what publicity is there for them, and think of the cuts to benefits thousands of people have had sickness and/or disability payments cut what about them more cuts?

The main stream media have been doing a great job showing pictures that would wring all heart strings but they’ve not been telling the whole truth.

My Home Town

Canning Town in London at the end of WW2. Its where I grew up. The British had nowhere to run they took it because they had to and the young men who left their families were not running to safety they joined and were conscripted into the armed forces.

In the UK there was strict rationing it might have been easier in some rural areas to get some extra food but through most of the country rationing was strict people went without and it continued into the early nineteen fifties.

I have some sympathy for refugees but none for economic migrants and none for those migrants who refused food because it came in boxes with a cross on them.

ISIS are boasting they've sent thousands of terrorists to the EU and looking at the pictures of the young men its not hard to think they could.

Would You Drink from the Fountain of Youth

If there were a real Fountain of Youth, would you drink the water?

Sure wouldn’t we all love a glass of whatever it is in the fountain of youth.

Or would we?

Its not the flight or the trek up the goat track to the top of the mountain in Tibet although getting me up anything higher than a curb would be interesting and probably involve heavy goods vehicles.

No, its not the trek and its not the thought of getting back down again I mean who knows if all our bits stay put if we fall down the goat track or off the edge One can’t be certain about these things, a limb might hang in lively and lonely limbo for centuries.

No its not the though of being minus a bit although I definitely wouldn’t want to lose a foot or a leg, fat lot of good living forever would be if you end up minus an arm, or worse paraplegic.

No, its not the thought of having to move every thirty or forty years, minimum, which one would have to do to make sure there are no jealous neighbours to take a few litres of the fountain of youth out of your neck or worse.

No, the reason I wouldn’t take a glass of the fountain of youth is family and friends there is no way I ever want to outlive all of my family, all of my friends. Its no good saying there would always be more there wouldn’t not of my generation, not with my memories.

Only think if you could continue to have children you would have to watch all of them die or do a runner when they reached thirty or so. If not they might find out or get suspicious Is there enough of the fountain of youth to go round? You know in perpetuity?

No, I’ve seen enough of the madness, meanness and duplicity of people if I can’t be with the people I know, love and trust I don’t want to be.

Source of Picture:  http://missoulian.com/news/state-and-regional/fwp-finds-fewer-mountain-goats-in-bitterroot-canyons/article_f6204775-4aad-5c50-bbbc-f97ad6a44c9a.html

Whilst searching for this picture I couldn’t help but notice the number of pictures there are of people with dead goats apparently a perfectly harmless goat is some sort of desirable hunting trophy, there are savages among us and they’re all on two feet.

Stressed

Not sure why, there's the usual suspects of course they're never far away but today I think its more than that.

There's the big electricity bill, my fault I knew it was estimated for months and I kept meaning to do something about it and then I kept forgetting: typical.

There's forgetting to pay the gardener that's in triple figures now but at least today I remembered to phone him that's something done right but its not enough.

There's the hedge which is in need of trimming but like everything else I keep putting it off not precisely forgetting more not bothering.

There's the windows which should have been painted by the piss poor pervert decorator before he buggered off I don't want to bother now I want to move.

There's missing the post man who had a delivery and left a note because I was out that's irritating me because I made myself late dithering about when I should have been getting ready.

There's the washing, I did some and left some I should have done all of it

Oh well none of its earth shattering most of its no more than the usual so why the stress?

I don't know maybe its guilty conscience or maybe  its just some days are like that.

Wishes

If dreams were wishes and wishes cream true

We all wish though some might call it pray. I wish for wishes three’s a minimum

First, for most would surely be good health, for everyone what good is it to be healthy if everyone you know and love is as old as you and sick?

Second, weel, in my case that would have to be a house in England in Essex near the sea. close enough to family to see them but not so close to get bored or argue.

Third, oh has to be happiness what good is everything else if we are unhappy?

Naturally there are more I could start picking at it a push here a prod there, when I was young my wishes might probably were different but not so much. One thing I’ve noticed is as I age I become more myself not less.

If is an obstacle
That stands in the way
If it wasn’t for If
I’d be rich today

My Mum used to say that Her wealth was in her family She was rich

Anathema to Me?

But you remembered a word
Why?
Didn’t expect it of me
Why not?
A world in a word
Why even bother?
Pain in a word
Why would you care?

Inspiration’s a funny old thing
Its not love
But it could be
Its not hate
But it could be
Its all of everything

Its inspiration
In a cloud
A rose
Poor spelling
Terrible grammar
Is fury

Stressed

I'm always stressed. It has to have been one of the main reasons I became ill, it was definitely the only reason I didn't go to the doctor and had to be rushed to hospital.

I long ago took measures to try to ensure my safety but it didn't stop the threats or give a real sense of security and that was before I knew how close the enemies were or they invaded my home.

I want to leave when I get away I will be able to relax and if I want to get a job I will get one. I can see no reason why both shouldn't be possible.

A debt must be paid nothing no other cause, mistake or illness will get in the way of that.

Good!

Some sign of improvement and good, potentially very good, news.  I'm certain its what many including me wish, hope and pray for, and who knows perhaps a reason for an easing of understandable stress.

I'm not entirely convinced I believe any of it, I know this adversary of old, but if any of it is true this mornings communications indicate a better if still conflicted frame of mind.

There has been some great upheaval but the heavy lifting is almost over now and perhaps is part of the reason for the more conciliatory rapprochement.

No we are not friends but I wish no one harm, may all those I know thrive in a loving, welcoming environment.

As Expected

Of course I knew it would be misunderstood probably deliberately.

I’m not friends with any of the people who abused me for so long, who committed crimes for laughs, its an indication of their density that they should think so.

Someone went too far and I said so and because I am permanently angry with the transgressor I said so forcefully and I’m sorry to say with some malice. Obviously I was not alone in expressing outrage and I hope there have been a few more apologies if others were as or more outspoken than I.

And that’s it your’re not my friend we are not even friendly, over almost six years you have demonstrated real cruelty and insult. Drop the superior attitude you’re behaving like a sulky child, regardless of what any gods say you are like so many, including me at times, guilty of wounding for the sake of it.

This is not new you’ve been angry for days the reason could be exhaustion, ill health or something that happened at some meeting or other. Or it could be a combination of all the above.

There’s nothing unfortunate or unexpected it may have escaped your notice but I didn’t apologise for you I did so for me. I hate hurting people whoever they are and however vicious they have been. If any good comes out of this it could be you are learning what it feels like to be hurt in such a distant and yet real and personal way. If that is so you may yet benefit from this storm in a tea cup.

Sorry

I was angry I regret that I may, there's no guarantee, have upset someone more than I intended, but being honest I did intend to hurt and I regret that.

I'm not going to make any excuses something angered me and I let rip in a very feminine and spiteful way. I'm very good at feminine and spiteful.

I think what I wanted to do was make someone think and maybe offer their own correspondent a brief apology, what I didn't want or expect was that the rubber ducks, soap, face cloths and even the baby would be chucked out with the proverbial bath water.

I don't want that. I kind of hope the reaction was must have been because I wasn't the only complainant its not as if anything I write is ever greeted with anything but derision so I think perhaps I might be right about that.

I don't want to make excuses the first was fine (ish) and the second wasn't too bad but the third, over several days, was sheer spite and I knew it.

Sorry

I'm So Annoyed!

I am its not good enough I have got to improve!

Four weeks ago or thereabouts I went into town and at my local shop I asked after the neighbour who had moved.  A few days later my ex neighbour sent me a get well card with her new address on it.

The next week I went into town and bought a card for her. I went to the post office intending to write a short note, buy a stamp, post the card and get some cash for the gardener chappie.. I forgot.

Last week I went into town intending to buy a stamp, post the card and get some cash for the gardener chappie. I forgot.

Yesterday I went into town to buy a stamp, post the card and get some cash for the gardener chappie. I forgot.

I also forgot to get various mundane items of shopping.

Its not new I've always had an appallingly bad mad memory its one of the reasons I save everything I can't trust myself to remember it you see. I hardly ever remember a birthday or send Christmas or any other cards on time or at all.

Hopeless, absolutely fucking hopeless.

Now I have to go into town again and I don't like that I don't like that at all. I'm so angry I could spit nails.

Looking on the bright side I have at last and at least written the note and addressed the card all I have to do now is buy the damn stamp and get the cash for the gardener chappie. Even better and even in the pouring rain which it was and is my only excuse, I did see the child molesters employment advisers wife. She is so top heavy I'm amazed she can stand upright.

There's a Plan?

Is there I'm not sure I think there is a grand desire for me to restrict myself to writing about my cats and dogs, apart from that and the oft expressed wish to kill me I doubt there is a plan even though there is evidently much discussion.

Its not going to happen what is going to happen is I will expand my activities.

I will become anonymous or at least untraceable. The dark net beckons as does Tor and if I relocate with no agreement reached I will go my own way and do my own thing my own way.

Its not a threat nor a lie its a promise those who think they're experts because daddy fucked them will find out how wrong they are, those who think they speak for all because one teacher taught them all he knew will find out there is much more to learn.

I have spent time discovering identities, motives and the sickness that consumes some victims. Some victims become abusers not always of children although there is always that risk, some become alcoholics, drug addicts and sexually inadequate, some become sadists assuaging their own pain in the dirty pleasure of making others suffer.

Its not as though the big blogging co's are the only ones or as if YouTube is the only video channel there are so many outlets on social media now that Twitter the parent of them all is losing followers as real people grow weary of the endless views of under employed journalists, the fake accounts, fake battles and the fake alliances.

I'm tired of the fake Pagans and their superiority complex. Of course its American most Europeans and other countries are well aware of the real history of paganism, witchcraft and satanism.

Opportunities have been given times without number and its still possible but I've reached the not caring either way stage. Its retribution I want and one way or another I will take it.

Oh, and the invader who drove into my garden better watch out for cameras.

Cilla Black 27/05/1943 - 02/08/2015

I saw the headline and a shiver went through me. I was never a fan I thought she was as fake as a nine bob note but she was part of my youth and her death reminded me youth is gone and we of those heady wonderful indomitable sixties are become fragile.

I hate it I wish she would have died quietly, silently in secret. I know I’m selfish and maybe heartless although I don’t think so I think the heart beats a little louder and more fearfully with each death of my generation.

Its not Elvis who was older and died of willful neglect or John Lennon murdered by a lunatic. It was death by natural causes and that’s what made me shiver. My generation are so much closer to natural causes now.

Would You Adam & Eve it!

A cow, could've been a bull, in my garden!  It left clumping great hoof holes all over the bog ridden ground. It set the dogs on kill alert and it made me laugh out loud.

The farmer who had to round up this solitary and obviously dangerous creature was not I think the one who allowed it to escape its field. Oh no I believe that disaster is down to the neighbour from hell. Its his field the escapee got out of, not that I blame the poor cow I've been trying to get out for ages and I have to admit with considerably less success.

Cows, could've been a bull, are far more curious than city people (me) might believe, they are always interested in everything very much like the neighbour from hell which, who knows could be where the cow gets it from that one being known for his curiosity about things that are none of his business or concern.

Anyway I had to do a, I'm not physically strong, repair job on one of the fences there are two both by the child molester handyman one is beyond my reach I'm no climber and I don't like stinging nettles or things that fly and crawl in weeds. The other is about 15 feet inside my garden and covered in weeds and stinging nettles. The cow had to get down the mound that is part of the ring forte, over a fence across a mountain of weeds and over the second fence. All the fresh green and very wet almost submerged grass must have been a strong attraction.

Talking of not physically strong I'm worn out with the stress of it all time to take a break for an hour. Or so.