A Self Portrait...

22 January 2016

Once Upon a Time

I was strong, rarely hesitated. Why would I I knew what I wanted or what needed to be done and I knew or quickly found out what to do and how.

That was then.

I guess being related to mental illness I had a natural empathy to sufferers I was one of those who would stop in the street, bags full of heavy shopping, to listen to someone high on schizophrenia or on a bipolar low. both schizophrenia and bipolar are cyclical and even now incurable although I understand the medication of today is much better than it used to be for sufferers. The uncontrollable shaking caused by drugs used to control schizophrenia has gone, or it had but the new drugs were expensive and maybe the cash strapped NHS doesn't prescribe it. It should those drugs could save lives and enable living. Empathy toward all sufferers of mental illness and conditions is what started this horrible, unforgivable mess.

Today I'm unhappy, very unhappy and I can't think of a way out of it. When I came to Ireland bringing cats and dogs was easy now I'm told I must get them vaccinated and have certificates or 'passport' to prove their vaccination. What a stupid rip off but when you've said that what can you do? You can buy the vaccinations and the 'passports' that's what, and multiplied by five it will probably cost a couple of thousand euros including transport.

I'm very unhappy. I know I could leave them behind but knowing what I know about the neighbour from hell the psychopath minicab driver, their families and friends how likely am I to do that? Not very is the answer.

So, I'm angry, very angry there was a wedding in Las Vegas I should be there now. I'm not.

Over the last several years I've kind of acclimatized to the non stop criticism and the raucous ever increasing yells of how stupid I am, but there is always something new to learn and the depth of the plagiarism was relatively new. Not word for word, that would be silly although it would also be close to the truth.

The theft is of ideas, mannerisms and opinions.

I don't believe for one second that my opinions or ideas are either rare or fantastic I think they are fairly normal in most people. So, if I say, accept or propose something the chances are it will be pretty much what a lot of people say, accept and propose.

I'm that ordinary and expressing it is both my talent and my downfall. I don't want to sound or write grammatically correctly It wouldn't be true it wouldn't be me and always I do try to express me.

The part of me that took too many people too long to recognise is how determined and tenacious I can be, they think they are the only ones who can play act. It must have come as a shock to them to find I'm actually quite good at it too. I can flirt, banter, play little games as much as anyone. What I can't do is have perverts living next door, a cab driver who thinks recommending a paedophile for work in a house is funny and several including another John, who think gawping at someones home is an entitlement. None of its funny or clever but it is all criminal

Right now and until it is resolved I want retribution. I want to get away from this house where I'm surrounded by voyeurs, home invaders and illegal photographers.

I'm tired and I'm worried and because of that my patience which no one can deny has been outstanding is diminished. No one who has spent years relying on my discretion dares to tell me I'm not trustworthy. It angered me so much. I must deal with that and everyone can see for themselves who has been trustworthy and who has been criminal filth.

Its about reputations I don't care about mine anymore its already shredded but others who think a couple of years makes a difference. Really? When they spent a lifetime building their reputations? No, its not too late in fact it might be just the right time because we all make our own time.

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