Do it? Talk about money I mean, for a long time I've consciously avoided any mention of it except in the most careless and dismissive way, as if money doesn't matter, well we all know that's a lie!
I suppose it was inevitable that I would grow weary of the pretense I'm like everybody, there are things I need and can't afford, things I wish for and can't afford, people I would love to help and can't afford. So kinda typical of everyone and I'm bored and becoming contemptuous of my cowardice, because that's what it is when we pretend our world is other than it is.
Such pretense is usually made worse because we're not pretending to ourselves we're pretending to anyone who may pass by, as if they are important. Fuck that. You know I never swear except when I'm on the internet and that's another thing that's beginning to bother me!
Oh, I'm not saying I'm poverty stricken! Far from it but I'm the same as all of us and there is as I grow older and slightly breathless, anxiety about those I love and can't help, and about the things I consider important and can't afford. Once it would not have bothered me at all, which in itself was a mistake money should bother all of us, but back then there was always the availability of more, work longer hours, get another job and so on. It was, well, I suppose it was normal.
Not any more, now I want to keep my home here and return to England. I can always go back for holidays and stay with friends and relatives but I can't live independently there not as easily as I would like. Its not about the cost of property although that's obviously a consideration its more about running two homes, gas and electricity would have to be paid for two houses, maintenance would have to be done for both, and of course all and increasing govt charges would have to be paid for both.
So not a big deal just the difference between what a working person thinks is possible and what a retired person thinks of the same situation. I'm not complaining but I've grown tired of what was feeling like a lie is all. If I'm broke one month because of for eg...the piggin household charge or a household problem I want to be able to say so honestly and not pretend that such expenditure doesn't affect me.
I'm bored with pretending I don't worry about money or that I don't covet, actually I covet a lot just not my neighbours wife...And, whilst not flat broke I have all the money worries shared by many people of my age and younger here in Ireland
I suppose it was inevitable that I would grow weary of the pretense I'm like everybody, there are things I need and can't afford, things I wish for and can't afford, people I would love to help and can't afford. So kinda typical of everyone and I'm bored and becoming contemptuous of my cowardice, because that's what it is when we pretend our world is other than it is.
Such pretense is usually made worse because we're not pretending to ourselves we're pretending to anyone who may pass by, as if they are important. Fuck that. You know I never swear except when I'm on the internet and that's another thing that's beginning to bother me!
Oh, I'm not saying I'm poverty stricken! Far from it but I'm the same as all of us and there is as I grow older and slightly breathless, anxiety about those I love and can't help, and about the things I consider important and can't afford. Once it would not have bothered me at all, which in itself was a mistake money should bother all of us, but back then there was always the availability of more, work longer hours, get another job and so on. It was, well, I suppose it was normal.
Not any more, now I want to keep my home here and return to England. I can always go back for holidays and stay with friends and relatives but I can't live independently there not as easily as I would like. Its not about the cost of property although that's obviously a consideration its more about running two homes, gas and electricity would have to be paid for two houses, maintenance would have to be done for both, and of course all and increasing govt charges would have to be paid for both.
So not a big deal just the difference between what a working person thinks is possible and what a retired person thinks of the same situation. I'm not complaining but I've grown tired of what was feeling like a lie is all. If I'm broke one month because of for eg...the piggin household charge or a household problem I want to be able to say so honestly and not pretend that such expenditure doesn't affect me.
I'm bored with pretending I don't worry about money or that I don't covet, actually I covet a lot just not my neighbours wife...And, whilst not flat broke I have all the money worries shared by many people of my age and younger here in Ireland
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