Generous?

The question mark is because almost everyone I know would almost certainly say I have been very generous, that’s not a boast its a simple statement of fact nor is it something I regret. Except I do sometimes wonder if my generosity was for the person I gave to or perhaps more honestly really, deep down for me?

Is giving money a sign of generosity or is it the easiest thing to do if you have enough to give without leaving yourself short? Because real generosity is when you risk leaving yourself without something you need and I’m not sure I’ve ever done that.

Was being generous to others a way of indulging myself? I do wonder now if that was one reason for my generosity. As I grow older I realise I also kept a very detailed record of all those I was generous toward, and I don’t mean that in a physical or personal way about anyone I remember all of them! And I must admit I’m a bit ashamed of that.

So not very generous after all and maybe not very considerate either I gave because it was easy and very selfish. It served two purposes one it pushed the problem away and  two it enabled me to feel good about myself. The older I get the more I realise I wasn’t generous at all

Generosity was standing outside in an old dressing gown, not caring about cold, rain  or passers by, to rescue a tiny kitten for nothing. I don’t know if it was wise it maybe why I’ve got some sort of bug, but I’d do it again right now and as I grow older I realise doing something that takes more than money is real generosity of spirit and thought.

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Always I come back as to an old and valued friend sometime soon I will stop somethings and start others afresh but always I will hold this my oldest and friendliest blog in deep affection.